<3 " thoughtscapes" by Noni <3
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Walk"A book of poetry, quotes and short stories
20 total reviews
Comment from Smoothiecool
love the picture to emulate your scene
your words takes the reader through the thoughts of the approaching winter the images lets one fell and see this in your poem
May I make a suggestion
break this into three stanzas
instead of the long couplets
read through and find your breaks and move to a new line
you already have your breaks in place
I feel this will present better
good luck
cheers SC
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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love the picture to emulate your scene
your words takes the reader through the thoughts of the approaching winter the images lets one fell and see this in your poem
May I make a suggestion
break this into three stanzas
instead of the long couplets
read through and find your breaks and move to a new line
you already have your breaks in place
I feel this will present better
good luck
cheers SC
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Thank you, I will remember your kind words and feedback...take care
Comment from Spitfire
Having lived in upperstate New Year near the Canadian border, I took that walk with you and the frost clung to my ears and cheeks. That's why I live in Florida now.
I do think you overdo the adjectives (crystal blue cloudless skies,) You could also delete most of the "the's" without hurting the poem.
The approaching winter sun will cast longer shadows on browning lawns in mid afternoon...with cloudless skies, night's chill will come all too soon...
"nice and cozy" is a cliche. Show, dont tell.
Your second stanza has the best imagery, but still needs tightening.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Having lived in upperstate New Year near the Canadian border, I took that walk with you and the frost clung to my ears and cheeks. That's why I live in Florida now.
I do think you overdo the adjectives (crystal blue cloudless skies,) You could also delete most of the "the's" without hurting the poem.
The approaching winter sun will cast longer shadows on browning lawns in mid afternoon...with cloudless skies, night's chill will come all too soon...
"nice and cozy" is a cliche. Show, dont tell.
Your second stanza has the best imagery, but still needs tightening.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Thank you :)
Comment from MoIronE13
Old man winter is blown' in from the North again. Brrrrr! I love the imagery and the metaphorical use of the leaves. I just posted a poem "autumn on my page that has some of the same sentiments. "The frost clinging to the leaves" run is marvelous! And how nice it is to talk a walk and return to a warmed cup of coffee by the fire. Sounds like a great time to do some reading or maybe even write another poem? Great work Annie.
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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Old man winter is blown' in from the North again. Brrrrr! I love the imagery and the metaphorical use of the leaves. I just posted a poem "autumn on my page that has some of the same sentiments. "The frost clinging to the leaves" run is marvelous! And how nice it is to talk a walk and return to a warmed cup of coffee by the fire. Sounds like a great time to do some reading or maybe even write another poem? Great work Annie.
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Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Thank you very much, I wrote this yesterday while out walking the dog in the neighborhood...Fall is my favorite season of all, take care and best to you.
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Funny, I took my dog out yesterday to the golf course and we froze our little tushies off, but had a blast.
Comment from Oatmeal
AnnieGale,
Emotional reflections are insightful and impressive. Chosen explanations are made very clear and descriptive. Descriptive picture.
I saw no SPAG and no typos. Everything looked in place.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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AnnieGale,
Emotional reflections are insightful and impressive. Chosen explanations are made very clear and descriptive. Descriptive picture.
I saw no SPAG and no typos. Everything looked in place.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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I enjoy hearing from you dear Oatmeal, your words are so kind...all my best to you!!
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Annie,
My best to you too.
You are very welcome.
Love you,
Camille
Comment from MERRY1
Winter will be all to soon for you and the fall is a magic time. those crisp leaves crunch under our feet as we walk. You told your story well.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Winter will be all to soon for you and the fall is a magic time. those crisp leaves crunch under our feet as we walk. You told your story well.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thank you very much, appreciate your thoughtful words...
Comment from lakeport
The walk,indeed beautiful nature, that's a beautiful expressed poem, nice flow. I enjoyed reading it.God bless you,Hugs!Lakeport,
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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The walk,indeed beautiful nature, that's a beautiful expressed poem, nice flow. I enjoyed reading it.God bless you,Hugs!Lakeport,
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thank you lakeport, how kind you are, God bless!!
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your welcome.Hugs!Lakeport.
Comment from krys123
An excellent written prose/poem that is very easy to read and written with warmth and with imagery that portrays a wonderful setting through your words that display the setting in a manner that is masterfully done. Thank you so much for sharing this with me and others. You have a good one and God bless.
AK
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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An excellent written prose/poem that is very easy to read and written with warmth and with imagery that portrays a wonderful setting through your words that display the setting in a manner that is masterfully done. Thank you so much for sharing this with me and others. You have a good one and God bless.
AK
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words, wrote this yesterday walking my dog in our neighborhood and God bless also, thank you again
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You are so welcome and it was a lovely poem well conceived also
Comment from Chap Man
Your brown on tan and that beautiful picture are right on for your poem. Your first stanza was a fine "hooker" drawing me right into the action. How about whittling down "the"s in the second stanza? (Four of them) Drop another after "heat up." Your last stanza makes feel all warm and wanting to write a poem.
Chap Man
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Your brown on tan and that beautiful picture are right on for your poem. Your first stanza was a fine "hooker" drawing me right into the action. How about whittling down "the"s in the second stanza? (Four of them) Drop another after "heat up." Your last stanza makes feel all warm and wanting to write a poem.
Chap Man
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much...
Comment from JB Lynn
Amazing! Your writing reminds me of Annie Dillard's work. There is clearly a love of nature here and the mood is very relaxed and reminiscent of a simpler time. "I heat up the leftover coffee, collect my thoughts, ponder the evening ahead..." - These specific details bring the whole scene to life for me. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Amazing! Your writing reminds me of Annie Dillard's work. There is clearly a love of nature here and the mood is very relaxed and reminiscent of a simpler time. "I heat up the leftover coffee, collect my thoughts, ponder the evening ahead..." - These specific details bring the whole scene to life for me. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thank you very much...I'm not familiar with Annie Dillard but will def look her up...I usually write for my own personal pleasure till a relative introduced me to this sight a few short weeks ago. You are very kind, take care
Comment from Ben Colder
Sounds like utopia. The season reminds me of my squirrel hunting mornings near the lake. Beautiful poem and excellent photo.
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reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Sounds like utopia. The season reminds me of my squirrel hunting mornings near the lake. Beautiful poem and excellent photo.
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Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thank you very much for your kindness...but I have to say, Oh no, poor squirrels" :) I have heard they are good eating though!!
