Moving on...
One of life's journeys24 total reviews
Comment from Gladness
I am in shock. I had to double check the top to see if this was fiction. You were not kidding when you said "his last mistake". This story is interesting and well told, and the ending really blows me away.
The people we hired to help move my daughter now seem quite wonderful.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2013
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I am in shock. I had to double check the top to see if this was fiction. You were not kidding when you said "his last mistake". This story is interesting and well told, and the ending really blows me away.
The people we hired to help move my daughter now seem quite wonderful.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2013
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Thank you.
Yes, I wanted the ending to be a shock to reflect a little bit what it was like for us at the time.
Steve
Comment from allborn66
Oh my, I can't imagine the horror. We had movers twice- nothing that bad. My in-laws were truckers- so they know they're way around a truck.
The ending really took me by surprise. I wish you all the best in moving past this. Remember - it was not your fault.
Barbara
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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Oh my, I can't imagine the horror. We had movers twice- nothing that bad. My in-laws were truckers- so they know they're way around a truck.
The ending really took me by surprise. I wish you all the best in moving past this. Remember - it was not your fault.
Barbara
Comment Written 27-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Barbara.
It was some time ago now and I really have moved on, but it still pops up in my mind sometimes.
Steve
Comment from w.j.debi
I was enjoying the humor of these carefree moving men, and even though you foreshadowed the ending with "his final mistake," I still wasn't quite prepared for the death scene. You set this up well. How horrific to witness such a tragedy, and what a shock it must have been. Well told.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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I was enjoying the humor of these carefree moving men, and even though you foreshadowed the ending with "his final mistake," I still wasn't quite prepared for the death scene. You set this up well. How horrific to witness such a tragedy, and what a shock it must have been. Well told.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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Thank you.
Twelve years ago now and the memory, when it pops up, is still vivid. I'm not sure how emergency personnel handle dealing with it on a regular basis.
Steve
Comment from Deniz22
I was enjoying this until the gruesome ending. How awful to experience for him as victim and you as onlooker! I was going to share what I consider some amusing incidents in my experience as a mover but I have no heart for it now.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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I was enjoying this until the gruesome ending. How awful to experience for him as victim and you as onlooker! I was going to share what I consider some amusing incidents in my experience as a mover but I have no heart for it now.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from elchupakabra
I really enjoyed this piece, it was very down earth and homy even though it was about being on the road lol. It felt colloquolial, very Americana/Norman Rockwell in a good way lol. Also, I knew what Fanta was, because it's delicious, even though it's terrible for you, as are all sodas lol. Great work here, thanks for sharing, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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I really enjoyed this piece, it was very down earth and homy even though it was about being on the road lol. It felt colloquolial, very Americana/Norman Rockwell in a good way lol. Also, I knew what Fanta was, because it's delicious, even though it's terrible for you, as are all sodas lol. Great work here, thanks for sharing, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from N.K. Wagner
What an awful experience for everyone. Poor Lou. Well written, Steve. I'm sorry the move to your new home began on such a tragic note. :/ Nancy
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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What an awful experience for everyone. Poor Lou. Well written, Steve. I'm sorry the move to your new home began on such a tragic note. :/ Nancy
Comment Written 26-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Nancy.
All well in the past now, thank goodness, but it still bubbles up occasionally.
Steve
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I imagine so!
Comment from Louise Michelle
Are you sure this is non-fiction? Well, even if you did embellish a little, you produced a very entertaining romp with terrific humor. OMG! I just read the ending. I'm speechless. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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Are you sure this is non-fiction? Well, even if you did embellish a little, you produced a very entertaining romp with terrific humor. OMG! I just read the ending. I'm speechless. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 26-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Lou
A little exaggeration perhaps, but I promise you, not much! And he ending is pretty much as I remember it. Twelve years ago now, but still fairly vivid.
Steve
Comment from Hollyhock
Wow! I had to read the ending twice just to get my head around it.
This piece has such impact, no pun untended. The whole tone of the piece begins with a pacey humour which is maintained even when the stress levels rise, and then just when everything is relaxing literally just after a "cuppa", this absolutely shocking ending.
I don't know how you ever cleanse your mind of something like that but hopefully the writing will be cathartic.
I think there may be one or two commas adrift but the overall effect is well worthy of a six.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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Wow! I had to read the ending twice just to get my head around it.
This piece has such impact, no pun untended. The whole tone of the piece begins with a pacey humour which is maintained even when the stress levels rise, and then just when everything is relaxing literally just after a "cuppa", this absolutely shocking ending.
I don't know how you ever cleanse your mind of something like that but hopefully the writing will be cathartic.
I think there may be one or two commas adrift but the overall effect is well worthy of a six.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Andrea.
I did want the shock/horror ending to mirror the actual experience and it was a little hard to work out just how to re-tell this....
Twelve years ago now but the incident still re-surfaces occasionally - not sure how paramedics etc deal with the aftermath of tragedy on a daily basis.
Thanks for the six.
Steve
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
These guys sound like typical Australians, or should I say typical 'common' Australians, crude and 'devil may care'. But what a shocking end... Workplace health and safety would have a field day with that. Poor man. I enjoyed the way you related this engaging tale. Giddy
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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These guys sound like typical Australians, or should I say typical 'common' Australians, crude and 'devil may care'. But what a shocking end... Workplace health and safety would have a field day with that. Poor man. I enjoyed the way you related this engaging tale. Giddy
Comment Written 26-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Giddy
Yes, I did want to convey that he was just an ordinary bloke and quite likeable although not very good at what he did.
Steve
Comment from c_lucas
I learned the hard way to pack a U-Haul and drive it myself. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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I learned the hard way to pack a U-Haul and drive it myself. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Charlie.
Yep, I would prefer to do it myself too, but there was no choice on this occasion.
Steve
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You're welcome, Steve. Charlie
