Going Down
Lyrics for a song that just popped in my head. Country style15 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
This has a great rhythm to it. I can see why you wanted to hum or sing to them lol. Amazing what we think of isn't it. Great stuff my friend. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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This has a great rhythm to it. I can see why you wanted to hum or sing to them lol. Amazing what we think of isn't it. Great stuff my friend. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 21-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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thxs so much for your kind review. Yep, I can't wait till they come up with a device that records and files all your thoughts automatically. We'd all get published.
lulube
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming
effective use of repetition
good alliteration in feel the freedom
and in life I have left
I like the soulful, uncertain emotion :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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solid rhyming
effective use of repetition
good alliteration in feel the freedom
and in life I have left
I like the soulful, uncertain emotion :-) Brooke
Comment Written 13-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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thxs Brooke for your comments were you humming a tune while reading? lol
I was told to write the lyrics as a poem. Well it has poetic rhymes but I tend to disagree. Also I used the comma to represent how the words would be sung, and not in a continued sentence the comma represents the bar used for timing on sheet music. 2/4 time, 4/4 time, 4 notes in between each bar. or one long note (whole note) held for the count of 4. etc.
Was I wrong in using the commas in this fashion?
lulube
Comment from Darkhorse555
singing these words just made one think Knowing is forever Growing is for life Time has come, for me to go But where, I still don't know very beautifully crafted dear friend
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2013
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singing these words just made one think Knowing is forever Growing is for life Time has come, for me to go But where, I still don't know very beautifully crafted dear friend
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2013
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thxs for that. I'm glad you liked that part. It's my favorite of the song. thxs for reading this or humming these lyrics.
lulube
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very nice song and I can imagine several tunes that work with it. Fun to make up tunes to go with poetry. You have good word repetition and a "singable" line length. Would love to hear this done by a singer with a small band! You have a knack. :)
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2013
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Very nice song and I can imagine several tunes that work with it. Fun to make up tunes to go with poetry. You have good word repetition and a "singable" line length. Would love to hear this done by a singer with a small band! You have a knack. :)
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2013
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thxs Phyllis
your comments are great
did you get my other reply?
lulube
Comment from krys123
Being a musician and singer for 40 years pretty aware of how the tune may have gone is in a country sounding the key of G. I like the lyrics very much there is some repetition their that could work. The topic and there's a nice hook which is necessary for a good lyrics and a good song. The hook is in your chorus in your third coda or would used you would say verse. I found little sad in may be there could be a person or a person's name added into the song of why you are going down and the reasons for it. I like the lyrics very much and it has potential. You have a good one Lori and God bless.
AK (Alex)
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Being a musician and singer for 40 years pretty aware of how the tune may have gone is in a country sounding the key of G. I like the lyrics very much there is some repetition their that could work. The topic and there's a nice hook which is necessary for a good lyrics and a good song. The hook is in your chorus in your third coda or would used you would say verse. I found little sad in may be there could be a person or a person's name added into the song of why you are going down and the reasons for it. I like the lyrics very much and it has potential. You have a good one Lori and God bless.
AK (Alex)
Comment Written 09-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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thank you Alex for all your input. Would you consider putting my lyrics to melody? You could send the notes cause I have a keyboard and we could collaborate this into a finished song. My mom knows how to put it into chords on her piano. We could have a song together.
And if you think there should be a name I thought the line that starts out Oh Baby, I could put the name Billy instead of Baby
What do you think?
lulube/lori
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You're welcome. I think Billy would sound better because the word baby sounds trite. When I find a time of be morn happy to help you with this. Give me a week. You have a good one and God bless. AK
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I'll more than likely email you.
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yes that's great
lulube
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thxs so much
lulube
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You are so welcome Lori
Comment from country ranch writer
A nice slow draw maybe Alan Jackson or George Straight or KennyChesney=======================================================================================================================
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A nice slow draw maybe Alan Jackson or George Straight or KennyChesney=======================================================================================================================
Comment Written 09-Nov-2013
Comment from Sylvia Page
This is quite a song, I love it, but I feel it can be improved a bit more [just thinking] Should be ideal if set to music too, it would express better.
Sylvia
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This is quite a song, I love it, but I feel it can be improved a bit more [just thinking] Should be ideal if set to music too, it would express better.
Sylvia
Comment Written 09-Nov-2013
Comment from mumsyone
It looks like you have the beginnings of a good song. Misplaced commas stop the flow of some lines; otherwise good. If you make changes, please let me know.
going,(no comma) down,
Even be,(no comma) around
Time has come,(no comma) for me to go
Even be,(no comma) around
Time has come,(no comma) for me to go
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It looks like you have the beginnings of a good song. Misplaced commas stop the flow of some lines; otherwise good. If you make changes, please let me know.
going,(no comma) down,
Even be,(no comma) around
Time has come,(no comma) for me to go
Even be,(no comma) around
Time has come,(no comma) for me to go
Comment Written 09-Nov-2013
Comment from Tina McKala
interesting lyrics, but they have some melody energy within, I believe they could be turned into a song easily. good job with this! :)
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interesting lyrics, but they have some melody energy within, I believe they could be turned into a song easily. good job with this! :)
Comment Written 09-Nov-2013
Comment from ericawrites
This is an interesting poem/song
lyric.
I would love to hear it put to
music.
I think it would need some more
lyrics for that perhaps.
Well done, thank you for sharing.
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This is an interesting poem/song
lyric.
I would love to hear it put to
music.
I think it would need some more
lyrics for that perhaps.
Well done, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2013
