Tough Survival
Climate change is making survival of biosphere tough.3 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a cute poem about how animals hate heat as much as we humans do.
The 5-7-5 format is for syllable count per line not word count. The first line has 6 syllables and the second has
ten syllables.
Maybe you could change survive to last. and make the second line
Lions are pained by the heat.
Good luck in the contest
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
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This is a cute poem about how animals hate heat as much as we humans do.
The 5-7-5 format is for syllable count per line not word count. The first line has 6 syllables and the second has
ten syllables.
Maybe you could change survive to last. and make the second line
Lions are pained by the heat.
Good luck in the contest
dragonpoet
Comment Written 05-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
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Dear Dragonpoet,
I am really very glad to read your valuable comments on my poem. I regard your suggestions which really make it better.
With Regards,
Ramesh Kumar Sharma
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You're welcome. I am glad I could help.
dragonpoet
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Lot of gratitudes for your guidance to motivate me and encouraging reply to my comment on your review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, ramesh, you did a great job writing this poem about the atmosphere that is changing but the syllable count is all wrong, it's syllables instead of words that is 5 7 5 count
who will survive now
lions pained by extreme heat
the cow bakes alive
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
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this is very well written, ramesh, you did a great job writing this poem about the atmosphere that is changing but the syllable count is all wrong, it's syllables instead of words that is 5 7 5 count
who will survive now
lions pained by extreme heat
the cow bakes alive
Comment Written 05-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
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Dear Sweetwoodjax
Sure, you are right. I understood that syllables are required instead of words.
With Regards,
Ramesh Kumar Sharma
Comment from handmadecards
Very powerful sentiment, but I don't quite understand the comparison of a domestic animal to a wild animal. Also the syllables do not read 5-7-5 as per brief for this contest.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
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Very powerful sentiment, but I don't quite understand the comparison of a domestic animal to a wild animal. Also the syllables do not read 5-7-5 as per brief for this contest.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
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Dear Handmadecards,
Thank you very much for appreciating my sentiment power. It means that domestic animal is expected to suffer more from extreme heat(due to climate change) than a wild animal is. Via your comments I understand that comparison is not well communicated. I also understood that syllables are required instead of words.
With Regards,
Ramesh Kumar Sharma
