The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "For His Eyes Only"Love Among the Thorns
36 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
I happy that I read this chapter first since it was the 'first' time for grace .i enjoyed reading the father-in -law -son-in-law heart to heart.i will go back and read the previous chapters when i have time.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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I happy that I read this chapter first since it was the 'first' time for grace .i enjoyed reading the father-in -law -son-in-law heart to heart.i will go back and read the previous chapters when i have time.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much Sanku. I hope you'll have time to read previous chapters.
Comment from mfowler
I found this very entertaining, and a little sensuous too. I enjoyed the shifts from bedroom to parental advice, and I think you do a superb job of setting the scenes in time and space. References to "lavished in Art Deco which included rosewood and marble top tables" are really atmospheric and give credence to the virgin bride aspect of the narrative set in this time period.
A few suggested edits; up to you of course.
Nevers loosen his grip and the glass reappeared. I think you mean 'loosened'.. the text is in past tense elsewhere.
'when Nevers stop suddenly'.. I think this should be 'stopped'
"hmmmm," she moaned softly.. Should that be "Hmmm" to be consistent with "Aahhhhhhh," she repeated.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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I found this very entertaining, and a little sensuous too. I enjoyed the shifts from bedroom to parental advice, and I think you do a superb job of setting the scenes in time and space. References to "lavished in Art Deco which included rosewood and marble top tables" are really atmospheric and give credence to the virgin bride aspect of the narrative set in this time period.
A few suggested edits; up to you of course.
Nevers loosen his grip and the glass reappeared. I think you mean 'loosened'.. the text is in past tense elsewhere.
'when Nevers stop suddenly'.. I think this should be 'stopped'
"hmmmm," she moaned softly.. Should that be "Hmmm" to be consistent with "Aahhhhhhh," she repeated.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much mfowler for reading and reviewing and for catching the spags. I really appreciate you.
Comment from The Ghostwriter
Great writing. I didn't see any errors. I like the visual aspects of the story-writing, and can really taste the whisky, which is a trick found in Write Like The Masters, giving the characters good booze.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Great writing. I didn't see any errors. I like the visual aspects of the story-writing, and can really taste the whisky, which is a trick found in Write Like The Masters, giving the characters good booze.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for reading Ghostwriter. I never heard of Write Like The Masters; I'll have to check that out.
Comment from emjaihammond
I wonder If our Nathan has finally found true happiness. I missed a few along the way, but this has been such a good story. You do a fantastic job of making each chapter feel fresh and new and yet it fits like a glove with what just went before and will come after. Such a good talented writer you are.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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I wonder If our Nathan has finally found true happiness. I missed a few along the way, but this has been such a good story. You do a fantastic job of making each chapter feel fresh and new and yet it fits like a glove with what just went before and will come after. Such a good talented writer you are.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Thank you. I was reviewing you the same time you were reviewing me, LOL.
Comment from Mrs.G3
Ok. You did warn us about explicit sexual contact. But somehow I regret the blurring of romantic and erotic writing. Other than that, which is admittedly subjective, I would point out a consistent mis-use of your verb. Instead of frighten use frightened (in the talk the other gave to the bride)"happen to the girl" should read 'happened to the girl" (in the father's talk to the groom." A little polish here and there would help the overall story.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Ok. You did warn us about explicit sexual contact. But somehow I regret the blurring of romantic and erotic writing. Other than that, which is admittedly subjective, I would point out a consistent mis-use of your verb. Instead of frighten use frightened (in the talk the other gave to the bride)"happen to the girl" should read 'happened to the girl" (in the father's talk to the groom." A little polish here and there would help the overall story.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Thank you for review and correction Mrs..G3
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi amahra,
A good story so far, but you may want to adjust a few details to address a couple of 'local' matters to your setting.
In the 1920s in London, the drink of choice would have been Scotch Whisky, Bourbon wouldn't have been available, and certainly not in a wealthy home. Also the wealthy classes in the UK never abbreviate first names, so Nathan would always be addressed in full, even in private. At that time (and to some extent today still) the 'upper classes' address one another by their surnames, not their first names - so Grace's father would address him as 'Daniels' and convention would require a reply of 'Certainly, sir ...' as he was addressing his senior and future father in law.
Titles are tricky as well, since a Peeress always takes her husbands title and seniority unless her father outranks her husband. So the Countess of Blagthorpe is Her Ladyship the Countess of Blagthorpe or Lady Blagthorpe unless her father was a Duke. Then she is The Hon Lady Margaret, Countess of Blagthorpe ... The same rule applies to her if she is a Duchess married to a Duke. An interesting one is the marriage of an untitled lady to a Royal, in which case she becomes, by Letters Patent (the 'gift' of the Sovereign), a Princess and entitled to the letters HRH in front of her husband's titles - so the Duchess of York became Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cambridge, and correctly addressed would not include her name, but her title.
OK, OK, all of that is probably irrelevant to your story. I suppose it depends on your intended audience.
Patrick
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Hi amahra,
A good story so far, but you may want to adjust a few details to address a couple of 'local' matters to your setting.
In the 1920s in London, the drink of choice would have been Scotch Whisky, Bourbon wouldn't have been available, and certainly not in a wealthy home. Also the wealthy classes in the UK never abbreviate first names, so Nathan would always be addressed in full, even in private. At that time (and to some extent today still) the 'upper classes' address one another by their surnames, not their first names - so Grace's father would address him as 'Daniels' and convention would require a reply of 'Certainly, sir ...' as he was addressing his senior and future father in law.
Titles are tricky as well, since a Peeress always takes her husbands title and seniority unless her father outranks her husband. So the Countess of Blagthorpe is Her Ladyship the Countess of Blagthorpe or Lady Blagthorpe unless her father was a Duke. Then she is The Hon Lady Margaret, Countess of Blagthorpe ... The same rule applies to her if she is a Duchess married to a Duke. An interesting one is the marriage of an untitled lady to a Royal, in which case she becomes, by Letters Patent (the 'gift' of the Sovereign), a Princess and entitled to the letters HRH in front of her husband's titles - so the Duchess of York became Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cambridge, and correctly addressed would not include her name, but her title.
OK, OK, all of that is probably irrelevant to your story. I suppose it depends on your intended audience.
Patrick
Comment Written 10-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Ok, thank you for reading and reviewing, but I think you missed a lot. Only the honeymoon took place in London. Nathan was sitting in the London hotel bathroom reminiscing about the wedding that took place in Ohio. The scene with Mr. Nevers took place in Nevers' home in Ohio. The Nevers are Americans. if you read too fast, you may have missed the transition, because I made the transition very clear.
As far as the Duke and Duchess thing, I did do research. Maybe I missed something..I'll check it out again. But when I looked up commoner married to a Duke, the info gave me Duchess, but as I said, I check it again.
Comment from Enrique28
A very well written chapter. Excellent use of language and attention to detail in your descriptions, especially your tastefully depicted love making performance. You certainly keep the reader's attention. Great stuff! Enrique
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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A very well written chapter. Excellent use of language and attention to detail in your descriptions, especially your tastefully depicted love making performance. You certainly keep the reader's attention. Great stuff! Enrique
Comment Written 10-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much Enrique for reading. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. And thank you for such a high rating.
Comment from jmdg1954
I'm not sure if I've read any of your material before, but I certainly chose the right one for the "first time". Which didn't seem like hers. I like how you start the chapter and them go back in time and present again without a blip or interruption.
Well done,,
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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I'm not sure if I've read any of your material before, but I certainly chose the right one for the "first time". Which didn't seem like hers. I like how you start the chapter and them go back in time and present again without a blip or interruption.
Well done,,
Comment Written 10-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your review.
Comment from MelReyn
Hi Amahra!
This should have the 18 or older warning on it, especially since this is on the top of the list. I know it doesn't seem like teens would be on this site, but they are... I've come across a couple.
First let me say, AWESOME verbs! I've been harping all week long on using direct verbs and staying away from the power draining 'was' and 'had' as much as possible. Great!
Next... the sex scene. Those are not easy to write or to receive reviews on. I felt particularly vulnerable with mine. So I applaud your bravery and I also think you did a great job with it. :D
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Hi Amahra!
This should have the 18 or older warning on it, especially since this is on the top of the list. I know it doesn't seem like teens would be on this site, but they are... I've come across a couple.
First let me say, AWESOME verbs! I've been harping all week long on using direct verbs and staying away from the power draining 'was' and 'had' as much as possible. Great!
Next... the sex scene. Those are not easy to write or to receive reviews on. I felt particularly vulnerable with mine. So I applaud your bravery and I also think you did a great job with it. :D
Comment Written 10-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Thank you for your review. The author has a different view of their own work, so I can't see the warning,but I put a warning on this story. I took liberties with the sex scene because they were married. I hope it didn't offend you.
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Naw, a bit surprised by the spiciness, but not offended. When you select the level of sexual content, if you click all the way to the right, it adds a warning before your work can be viewed. The reader then has to click that they over 18 and not offended by graphic sex. Even for the author view. (actually annoying for me since I look at my own work often.) But I didn't post my sex chapter to the front page, I only put 52 cents on it. So maybe the rating works differently at the dollar level.
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Can you see my warnings? Can you tell me what they say? I clicked two: one for language and one for sex.
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I'm on my cell phone, I'll fire up my laptop and look real quick for you.
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I just looked and there is no warning at all. I think the scales goes from 0 (none) to 4 or 5... not sure, but it should be at the max end.
Comment from c_lucas
If I remember right, Nathan made an advance on Grace while there were in France. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Error
. Nathan took the bate. (bait)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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If I remember right, Nathan made an advance on Grace while there were in France. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Error
. Nathan took the bate. (bait)
Comment Written 10-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2013
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Thanks Lucus I corrected that a while ago, but thanks for pointing it out.
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You're welcome, Amahra. Charlie
