The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Ups & Downs Of My Puppy Days."Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
37 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I read your biographical account of your early life! We've had many animals over the years, and they are all missed! You had a pretty raw deal with your dad leaving, in your early years also, something I have a great deal of trouble understanding! You've pointed out how music came into your life, well written, bro, I enjoyed It. Well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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I read your biographical account of your early life! We've had many animals over the years, and they are all missed! You had a pretty raw deal with your dad leaving, in your early years also, something I have a great deal of trouble understanding! You've pointed out how music came into your life, well written, bro, I enjoyed It. Well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks Bro what do you think of the Sub headings? Some seem to think they are unnecessary? Appreciate your review mate.
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I though they were fine, people don't like my scriptures and notes, but a lot more thank me! I like to provide my authorisation! Blessings Bro.
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Ok Thanks will see where it all goes before I decide. I do know some of the chapters need the Sub headings but maybe some don't so much.
Thanks again bro Lord Bless.
Comment from scd41
What a vivid account of your childhood days! Even after so many decades, you have mentioned the minutest details making it so interesting. Losing two pets Timmy and Pinny must have been very painful experience. Your coining of the word 'argyfying' for arguments '(argumentative? between Mum and my brother)' is amusing. Looking forward to reading your Primary or Middle School Days.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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What a vivid account of your childhood days! Even after so many decades, you have mentioned the minutest details making it so interesting. Losing two pets Timmy and Pinny must have been very painful experience. Your coining of the word 'argyfying' for arguments '(argumentative? between Mum and my brother)' is amusing. Looking forward to reading your Primary or Middle School Days.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks new friend. Appreciate your review. All this stuff used to be split up into School, pets , Medical Music Work now it is all interwoven and a lot more sequential than is was a year ago. Getting a lot closer to publishing now! yay!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Sounds like you are about my age. My grandma had a farm in the country and our house was near a small city, so I saw plenty of both world's, and even our neighbor across the street kept chickens in a large coop. When he stopped due to old age, his granddaughter and I made a clubhouse out of the coop, complete with pink curtains made from dyed sheets, courtesy of my mom. THanks for bringing back that memory. :)
>> '3 score years' as the bible calls the age of 60
Always type out numbers as words (three, sixty) except for dates and some clock times (those with non-half or quarter minutes, such as 11:26).
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Sounds like you are about my age. My grandma had a farm in the country and our house was near a small city, so I saw plenty of both world's, and even our neighbor across the street kept chickens in a large coop. When he stopped due to old age, his granddaughter and I made a clubhouse out of the coop, complete with pink curtains made from dyed sheets, courtesy of my mom. THanks for bringing back that memory. :)
>> '3 score years' as the bible calls the age of 60
Always type out numbers as words (three, sixty) except for dates and some clock times (those with non-half or quarter minutes, such as 11:26).
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks friend for a great review. I appreciate the spag pickup. Tell me how do you feel about my new idea of adding headings? I felt like previously people thought it wandered a bit and the heading might direct stuff a bit better? Can't remember if you have ever done any reviewing of my autobiography before but this has been changed a lot from earlier editions. Thanks again.
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The headings are helpful. Keep them.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
My sister, I was told (ten years older,) liked to dress
(this is very awkward with the current punctuation)
This read a bit rough in places, but sounds like you are in the process of revision. You have a very interesting story. Good luck with your revision, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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My sister, I was told (ten years older,) liked to dress
(this is very awkward with the current punctuation)
This read a bit rough in places, but sounds like you are in the process of revision. You have a very interesting story. Good luck with your revision, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks Debbie for coming by. As another writer once said "Ediit eedit edit" hehe. I did wonder about the above will try and fix it hopefully to=you will enjoy other parts of my autobiography.
Comment from Jay Squires
I like your memoir, Geoff. It's very conversational and down to earth. That's a good quality in a memoir.
I found a few things for you to consider below:
so I am sure he was older than me.[...older than I >> a test for this is to add the implied "was" after your sentence. You wouldn't say "me was". I correct this more than most any type of spag I spot. I noticed you do it throughout, so I only count it as one spag.]
dealing with at the time, mentioned elsewhere [Lord knows I'm no comma expert, but this cries out for one after "elsewhere"]
My Dad grew up in the area [spacing error.]
Ah-ha! I thought that was a picture you you when you were a child. I thought I recognized the glasses. Okay, so it was the high forehead.
It has taken me almost ' 3 score years' [I noticed in this paragraph you used several different fonts. I'm told Editors and Agents discourage this. Acually, what they do is reject manuscripts that employ that and other catchy devises, such as double punctuation marks, things in BOLD type and unnecessary italics. If you hear it from enough sources, you tend to give it some credence.]
Overall, a good addition to your memoir.
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Reads much cleaner, Geoff. You've added "headings" didn't you, or was I that unobservant during my first reading?
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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I like your memoir, Geoff. It's very conversational and down to earth. That's a good quality in a memoir.
I found a few things for you to consider below:
so I am sure he was older than me.[...older than I >> a test for this is to add the implied "was" after your sentence. You wouldn't say "me was". I correct this more than most any type of spag I spot. I noticed you do it throughout, so I only count it as one spag.]
dealing with at the time, mentioned elsewhere [Lord knows I'm no comma expert, but this cries out for one after "elsewhere"]
My Dad grew up in the area [spacing error.]
Ah-ha! I thought that was a picture you you when you were a child. I thought I recognized the glasses. Okay, so it was the high forehead.
It has taken me almost ' 3 score years' [I noticed in this paragraph you used several different fonts. I'm told Editors and Agents discourage this. Acually, what they do is reject manuscripts that employ that and other catchy devises, such as double punctuation marks, things in BOLD type and unnecessary italics. If you hear it from enough sources, you tend to give it some credence.]
Overall, a good addition to your memoir.
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Reads much cleaner, Geoff. You've added "headings" didn't you, or was I that unobservant during my first reading?
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thanks mate I am still coming through with a big edit you have jumped ahead a bit ok! Thanks anyway. I have the fixed version on Word I think. But I will look. I can tell you are very particular in editing as your story has been devoid of same hehe! By the way haven't you come across all the comma police in FS? I have gotten (terrible American word) in to trouble over TOO MANY commas more times than I would like to remember. We are going out in a bit get back to this later I do appreciate all assistance ok like MIkey am very open to it all. Besides better to wait a bit longer and get carrots for your trouble ok!
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You're too much, Geoff (another Americanism)
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Hi re: so I am sure he was older than me.[...older than I >> a test for this is to add the implied "was" after your sentence. You wouldn't say "me was". I correct this more than most any type of spag I spot. I noticed you do it throughout, so I only count it as one spag.]
I always battle with the me and I thinkg. I know after the verb it should be 'me' but there is no verb in this case so probably right. Sadly we all differ in our grammar as we do as well in our spelling of English. But I think in this case you are correct thanks again.
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Hi mate this 9is now up again after I fixed your sauggested goofs and rewards arew now added too late for you I guess but happy for you to look again if suits.
Comment from DSchlosser
A very rough sort of living to start off with at the Weekender. Having nothing but a generator and kerosene for lights. The underground water tanks and everything would never be allowed in the U.S. in this day and age. It's definitely a different type of living than it was back then. That's called camping now, haha!
I did find some errors in this chapter going through it. I'm not sure if these things were caught previously, but here is what I found: "There was, and still is now, a Naval Base nearby " You're missing a period at the end of this sentence.
Here: " My favourite things I remember about "Moore Park" as we called the property, included sleeping on a low bed in the kitchen with the kerosene light that powered the old fridge, underneath, as my "Night Light!" You need a comma between Park and the quotation mark.
Here: "I think I was a bit small, then; and I don't remember riding on the "Whirly" myself." You need to move the comma before 'then' to after then, and you need to remove the semi-colon.
Here: "I can't remember of it ever got put into service." 'Of' should be changed to 'if.'
Here: "The creek was only down the road from our Weekender, and. at that time we depended on the low tide to be able to wade across the creek to Huskisson, the main town back then - to get supplies." This sentence should be broken into two. Put a period after 'Weekender,' and start the next sentence with 'at the time' with a comma after it. You can remove 'and' altogether.
Here: "One of the drums had a space underneath, where a fire would be lit in the late afternoon to provide Hot water for our baths." You should remove the comma before 'where' and make 'Hot' lowercase.
Here: "On one occasion,the fire that was to heat the water, flared up, suddenly, nearly burning the house down." You need a space between 'occasion,' and 'the.' The sentence itself should probably be better written as well. Say, "On one occasion, the fire that heated the water flared up and nearly burnt the house down." This makes the whole sentence past tense instead of sounding a bit funny.
Here: "Something else I enjoyed was, at low tide, wading across the Moonah Moonah Creek, a couple of times, to be a part of the *CSSM on the bank of the creek on Huskisson side." This sentence should probably be reworded as well. I think it could be divided into two sentences. Say, "Something else I enjoyed was wading across the Moonah Moonah Creek at low tide. I was part of the CSSM a couple times when I was younger. I patrolled the bank of the creek along the Huskisson." Maybe something like that.
I like the story. It's really interesting history. Half of the stuff you mentioned would never be done in this day and age due to safety measures for children and hazards of living.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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A very rough sort of living to start off with at the Weekender. Having nothing but a generator and kerosene for lights. The underground water tanks and everything would never be allowed in the U.S. in this day and age. It's definitely a different type of living than it was back then. That's called camping now, haha!
I did find some errors in this chapter going through it. I'm not sure if these things were caught previously, but here is what I found: "There was, and still is now, a Naval Base nearby " You're missing a period at the end of this sentence.
Here: " My favourite things I remember about "Moore Park" as we called the property, included sleeping on a low bed in the kitchen with the kerosene light that powered the old fridge, underneath, as my "Night Light!" You need a comma between Park and the quotation mark.
Here: "I think I was a bit small, then; and I don't remember riding on the "Whirly" myself." You need to move the comma before 'then' to after then, and you need to remove the semi-colon.
Here: "I can't remember of it ever got put into service." 'Of' should be changed to 'if.'
Here: "The creek was only down the road from our Weekender, and. at that time we depended on the low tide to be able to wade across the creek to Huskisson, the main town back then - to get supplies." This sentence should be broken into two. Put a period after 'Weekender,' and start the next sentence with 'at the time' with a comma after it. You can remove 'and' altogether.
Here: "One of the drums had a space underneath, where a fire would be lit in the late afternoon to provide Hot water for our baths." You should remove the comma before 'where' and make 'Hot' lowercase.
Here: "On one occasion,the fire that was to heat the water, flared up, suddenly, nearly burning the house down." You need a space between 'occasion,' and 'the.' The sentence itself should probably be better written as well. Say, "On one occasion, the fire that heated the water flared up and nearly burnt the house down." This makes the whole sentence past tense instead of sounding a bit funny.
Here: "Something else I enjoyed was, at low tide, wading across the Moonah Moonah Creek, a couple of times, to be a part of the *CSSM on the bank of the creek on Huskisson side." This sentence should probably be reworded as well. I think it could be divided into two sentences. Say, "Something else I enjoyed was wading across the Moonah Moonah Creek at low tide. I was part of the CSSM a couple times when I was younger. I patrolled the bank of the creek along the Huskisson." Maybe something like that.
I like the story. It's really interesting history. Half of the stuff you mentioned would never be done in this day and age due to safety measures for children and hazards of living.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Hi mate sorry the weekender was purely a hooliday place and the area was pretty under developed at that time early 50's we are talking. I am doing re-construction throughout and not sure how long ago you looked at this. Possibly I had not added the changes yet so I appreciate the advice. I am trying to move stuff around for more correctly reflecting time sequences of when things happened.
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It's okay. I am only now getting to these chapters since I haven't had much time to look at this stuff. I still want to read through the other chapters, and I will give my feedback still.
You don't have to apologize for the Weekender, it's actually interesting to see how people vacationed 60 years ago and what accommodations were available during that time. It's still great reading.
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I will look at your suggestions and see what I need to fix. I appreciate your reviews. Seems this book is going to be a long time getting to publishing yet hehe! A lot of work is being done on Word and not put up on FS yet. I used to do it on FS first but learning Word is the way to go for starters. I notice a word count on the FS editor now was that always there?
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There has been ever since I've been using the site. I noticed that when you space some of your stories it adds extra words to your story.
Plus, I noticed if stories are single spaced on Word gets scrunched together on FS.
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Well hang around still making a lot of changes to get things in more sequential order as to the time they happened. Doing a lot of reorganizing off FS in Word and not re-posting yet. Being encouraged to expand more on detail so stay with us ok!
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Also I meant to add someone said on my profile I am better to use Word Count on Word and that Fan Story Word count not always reliable.
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I'll stay as long as the health stays. There's still 28 more chapters to look at, so I still have to go through those ones too.
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Just got a message from my friend of a long time that she was ot able to see one of the chapters so I am checking to see if I closed something for public viewing by mistake
Comment from seaglass
This is all very informative to we readers who have never been to Australia. it's perplexing how your father could be so creative, make such effort to make playthings for his children and then abandon them. I'm sure this will be explained in another chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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This is all very informative to we readers who have never been to Australia. it's perplexing how your father could be so creative, make such effort to make playthings for his children and then abandon them. I'm sure this will be explained in another chapter.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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yeah you will find out a lot more as you go along. I won't spoil it for you. Thanks for staying with it. Fixed the errors you pointed out in Chapter 1 thanks. Thanks for another great review.
Comment from allborn66
I love hearing about people's childhoods. Our memories tell so much about our personalities. It sounds like you had some good times.
Barbara
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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I love hearing about people's childhoods. Our memories tell so much about our personalities. It sounds like you had some good times.
Barbara
Comment Written 11-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Yeah was always sad Mum and dad broke up in the prime of my life. However I have said in other places my relationship with God would not have been so deep had my Dad remained as he liked his beer and I feel like even if he stayed the influence could not have been all that good sadly.
Comment from EMB
Wow. That must have been some terrific soil for planting if it was buried all over the yard. This sounds like a terrific nostalgic piece for you, and I'm guessing the same for many of your readers. :)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Wow. That must have been some terrific soil for planting if it was buried all over the yard. This sounds like a terrific nostalgic piece for you, and I'm guessing the same for many of your readers. :)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Black sand mate so not sure what fertilizing benefit it would have been hehe, Thanks for the great review. Not sure how much of that black sand is around anymore as the whole area has become more "Civilized" hehe. Wouldn't want to live there now. We loved it in it's ancient style. We were even getting milk delivered in the big cans at one time and ladelled out to us like on Fiddler on the Roof, hehe.
Comment from Gladness
Music theory on the beach, wow! What a great idea! My youngest daughter teaches music theory, I'll have to give her the idea.
I really enjoyed the telling of how life was lived on the weekenders. So sorry to hear they did not continue.
You might want to work a bit on the last two paragraphs. Some things are repeated, like the bridge and "I remember" and "There are many tails to tell".
Thanks for an interesting and entertaining story. Loved the picture too! Bless you! Anita
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Music theory on the beach, wow! What a great idea! My youngest daughter teaches music theory, I'll have to give her the idea.
I really enjoyed the telling of how life was lived on the weekenders. So sorry to hear they did not continue.
You might want to work a bit on the last two paragraphs. Some things are repeated, like the bridge and "I remember" and "There are many tails to tell".
Thanks for an interesting and entertaining story. Loved the picture too! Bless you! Anita
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thanks I will look at that. One of the writers a lot more experienced than me was saying way back we have to Eedit, Eddit, Edit, hehe.
