Comment from Sylvia Page

Excellent

so Edward is in every bit as much [in]danger as Ari,
Sorry, Gayle I was away and missed these postings. Catching up during a break in my assignment. I am a little confused. I thought I read in a previous chapter that she seriously injured Ari and Hamid had recognised her. Have I missed out?
Let's see if I can catchup.
Good work,
Sylvia

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2014

Hi Sylvia,

Ah, life. Can get in the middle of our FS fun! Thanks so much for the great comments. No, Ari is no mas, a good thing as far as I'm concerned, lol.

So much appreciate your support, my friend,

Gayle

Comment from evilynne

Excellent

This is a well written tale of revenge. It keeps the readers interest throughout with its description and dialogue. It held my interest until the very end, leaving me with wanted to know what happens next.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014

Hi Lynne, well, this is the middle of a novel, much more to go, but I hope you come back again.

Thanks,
Gayle

Comment from darknessgone

Excellent

mine was the face Ari threw acid on, wasn't it? And it was my tongue that bastard desert jackal sliced off! It's me he's here to kill.
Poor Julia but Ari got his! Heck yeah! Loved this story! thanks for sharing! :)

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014

Thank you so much for the fine comments and review. It is very much appreciated.

Gayle

reply by darknessgone on 20-Mar-2014

You are very welcome! :)

Comment from padumachitta

Excellent

Hello. A good entry. A good story. The writng is tight. So nothing to comment on there.
I just liked:
the way it moved, fast enough to keep interest, slow enough not to get bored...
I liked the twists and turns
I liked that is was a long enough peice I could sink my teeth into.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014

Hi and thank you so much for the fine comments. Here on FS we novelists tend to write short chapters for the ease of the reader, but this contest encourages move development - 7000 word limit, so I like to give the reader background on characters - like you say, that you can sink your teeth into.

Thanks so much,
Gayle

Comment from Ritsal

Excellent

Hey Gayle, Wow - what a fitting end to Ari. This was a fast-paced read. I was wondering how Julia speaks if her tongue was sliced - maybe I misunderstood that part. Anyway, it's a great chapter and the Dobie didn't even have to rip a throat out. LOL

good sized (does this need a hyphen)

Beverly hotel - Hotel?

Best wishes,
Rita

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

You're right about that 'H', will do, also good-sized.

And yes, when she was at the clinic, they gave her a new face and tongue. And now, here comes Hamid the Horrible, lol.

This will go into the book, but I'll be able to pull out a lot of extra dialogue, since the reader already knows that.

Thanks again, Twinnie,

Hugs,
Gayle

reply by Ritsal on 19-Mar-2014

ah, a new tongue. I should have thought of that. lol

Comment from Christof McTarnahan

Excellent

Nicely done for almost all dialogue. It held my attention, and the characters were believable. I can tell you put a lot of work into this.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Thank you so much for the fine comments and rating. This is actually chapter 24 of a full length novel, so there's some expository dialogue to bring the first time reader up to speed.

Thanks again,
Gayle

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

I really enjoy that Julia is assassinating Ari herself, and it gives me so much satisfaction, knowing he's dead, after what he did. Throwing acid in the woman's face must be the most cowardly act by a man that I have ever heard of, and I know it happens all too often, Giddy

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Hey Gayle,

Man, when you enter contests, they don't pm your fans, and I was in a tizzy trying to figure out how I was going to make sure folks got to read this one. Whew! So glad you found it, my friend.

Cross your fingers for me,

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from billscott

Excellent

Loved your story! Great mystery and character development!

Cool suspense as well!

I do have a question for you about your amazon books for sale when you get a chance.

Great read!

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2014

Hey Bill, thanks for the great review! Really appreciate it. I'll send you a pm and we can talk books!

Really appreciate the wonderful comments.

Gayle

Comment from lindalcreel

Exceptional

This was an amazing read and I'm so glad that you used this to enter the contest. Ari is no longer a problem, but that still leaves Julia's brother and cohorts. I have a feeling that he is a coward and will run away like a little girl. Papa isn't finished with him yet. He still has to answer to the sheik and I have a feeling that won't be a pleasant experience.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2014

Oh Linda, thanks so much for the sixer and your great comments. Yeah, Hamid is a wild card for sure. Just depends on if he figures out who Julia is.

Remember, he's broke, so he might need to find a way back into Papa's good graces. Yeah, right!

Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle

reply by lindalcreel on 18-Mar-2014

I don't think Julia or her father will ever trust him again, but it will be fun to watch him squirm.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

A very good way to work your book into a contest entry. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2014

Hey Charlie, I just couldn't help it, but I did the book a disservice, 'cause my fans don't get notified. Just imagine if you were reading this through and miss this chapter! WHAT! lol, it's all good.

Thanks again, my friend, always so good to see you,
Gayle

reply by c_lucas on 18-Mar-2014

I would sic a Killer Toy Poodle on you Gayle. Leave a note on your next post. Better yet, post a short poem with a note attach (after the contest is over.) Just beware of the "Attack of the Toy Poodles." Charlie

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2014

LOL, you're such a rascal!

reply by c_lucas on 18-Mar-2014

I'm the smallest of we 9 boys. I had to survive.