The Never Starting Story
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The First Chapter (How Original!)"A collection of things that fit nowhere else.
23 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
The best part of this:
'This was a little poem I wrote after spending an evening with my very first love at the beach. It was an unforgettable evening as we just sat there on the beach watching the waves roll in and out with the light from the moon shining on them. I was seventeen and she was fifteen. I was nothing like my wild reputation (which I encouraged, of course). Just a shy boy with the most lovely girl in the world. She thought it was her dream come true. It was mine.'
(that's just lovely)
Tell you anything? No, I don't think I should do that. ;)
But I could tell you everything, and this is a good place to start.
Yep, I think i"ll start here.
Cat
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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The best part of this:
'This was a little poem I wrote after spending an evening with my very first love at the beach. It was an unforgettable evening as we just sat there on the beach watching the waves roll in and out with the light from the moon shining on them. I was seventeen and she was fifteen. I was nothing like my wild reputation (which I encouraged, of course). Just a shy boy with the most lovely girl in the world. She thought it was her dream come true. It was mine.'
(that's just lovely)
Tell you anything? No, I don't think I should do that. ;)
But I could tell you everything, and this is a good place to start.
Yep, I think i"ll start here.
Cat
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Hmmm. So, this one huh? Okay, be critical. :))
I'd like to make this better. Since these are un-promoted, let me know if you need some fake money. LOL mikey
Comment from NicciFaye
Poets rule and you rule! This is a awesome first poem as a poets journey starts way before we even realize that we are on the journey. keep writing.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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Poets rule and you rule! This is a awesome first poem as a poets journey starts way before we even realize that we are on the journey. keep writing.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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How kind of you to say so. I really do remember the feeling of writing my first poem, looking at it very surprised and very pleased. It is a wonderful gift that we have. mikey
Comment from Sally Carter
Well, I'm not too sure how to rate it either, Michael! This is certainly something different. But why not? It feels like a book one could dip in and out of, and I'm guessing that perhaps by the end you will have disclosed quite a lot about yourself?
I really, really like the poem about the girl on the beach. That first section is almost tanka-like, with the middle line acting like a pivot.
Obviously the one about the man facing execution has its flaws, but what else can you do but post it in its original, striking form? As you say, perhaps an unusual poem for a 12 year old, but all the more interesting for that.
If you do make them into a "proper" book in due course, I would suggest pruning all the comments that are only relevant to FS members - post, and reviews etc. There must still be plenty to say about why you wrote them, the circumstances at the time and so on.
Good luck with it. Could be fun.
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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Well, I'm not too sure how to rate it either, Michael! This is certainly something different. But why not? It feels like a book one could dip in and out of, and I'm guessing that perhaps by the end you will have disclosed quite a lot about yourself?
I really, really like the poem about the girl on the beach. That first section is almost tanka-like, with the middle line acting like a pivot.
Obviously the one about the man facing execution has its flaws, but what else can you do but post it in its original, striking form? As you say, perhaps an unusual poem for a 12 year old, but all the more interesting for that.
If you do make them into a "proper" book in due course, I would suggest pruning all the comments that are only relevant to FS members - post, and reviews etc. There must still be plenty to say about why you wrote them, the circumstances at the time and so on.
Good luck with it. Could be fun.
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 25-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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Those are very good points. yes, as I go along and it becomes more clear what I might do with that I will definitely keep your good advice in mind. thank you kindly. I have such an urge to fix some of these old ones but, that would defeat the purpose. I did make a sonnet out of the electric chair one for fun. changed it quite a bit. but, still the same basic thing. mikey
Comment from Gloria ....
Man, if that's a picture of you from childhood Michael, you had one cool ride! I like everything about your format here. As you move along it will take on different dimensions which is neat. Like others, I am duly impressed with your poem written when you were twelve. The content doesn't bother me in the least, it's mature. But what really impressed me was you had great meter and rhyme and a good understanding of literary devices. Amazing.
Keep going with this, because you have a winner.
Gloria
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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Man, if that's a picture of you from childhood Michael, you had one cool ride! I like everything about your format here. As you move along it will take on different dimensions which is neat. Like others, I am duly impressed with your poem written when you were twelve. The content doesn't bother me in the least, it's mature. But what really impressed me was you had great meter and rhyme and a good understanding of literary devices. Amazing.
Keep going with this, because you have a winner.
Gloria
Comment Written 25-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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Yeah, 11mo old. That had to be the happiest day of my life! I was a musician. Started with piano when I was like four so meter was kind of natural I guess. The times were serious so kids were too I suppose with the cold war, Vietnam, nuclear war threats and all of that. Or, I was just a strange kid probably. hahaha. Glad you like it. It is a good place to put things that don't exactly fit anywhere else. Plus I can blather about anything I want. thanks for the encouraging words. most appreciated, mikey
Comment from Rondeno
I think this is excellent. Hopefully, there's a lot more to come. You might just have invented a new literary form! Keep it coming, Mike.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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I think this is excellent. Hopefully, there's a lot more to come. You might just have invented a new literary form! Keep it coming, Mike.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Glad you liked this. Couldn't figure out where to put some of my things that didn't quite fit anywhere else. Very encouraged by your response. Thank you kindly. mike
Comment from amanda98653
To be honest, the title caught my attention. heehee.
Your words are honest and beautiful.
"the beach at night
white ribbons of light
twisting towards the shore
soundless night
alone in your thoughts
sharing love
without a move
or sound"
ummm....that's super duper romantic.
Definitely leaves a girl blushing:)
"One Last Mile"--definitely menacing, but still a splendid poem.
"My very first poem when I was twelve. (Such a happy-go-lucky little boy!)"
haha. I was writing a bunch of poems about fairies when I was twelve. lol.
Hugs
Amanda
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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To be honest, the title caught my attention. heehee.
Your words are honest and beautiful.
"the beach at night
white ribbons of light
twisting towards the shore
soundless night
alone in your thoughts
sharing love
without a move
or sound"
ummm....that's super duper romantic.
Definitely leaves a girl blushing:)
"One Last Mile"--definitely menacing, but still a splendid poem.
"My very first poem when I was twelve. (Such a happy-go-lucky little boy!)"
haha. I was writing a bunch of poems about fairies when I was twelve. lol.
Hugs
Amanda
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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The difference was a very lovely girl that influenced me to be a writer and write about nice things like love and nature. I still know her and we email and talk about writing and stuff. But, can't see each other. You will recognize her in many of my poems. Train whistles at night and things like that. Such is life. Until I found this site she was the only one that had read most of what I had written. Anyway, I am glad you liked this. Fairies are cool. Peter Pan is a big fan! smile. mikey
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I get what you mean. other than poems, I wrote a lot of love songs..had a crush on this guy and it went nowhere...my diary was filled with his name. haha.
Sad to say, I don't talk to him anymore. He inspired me to daydream a lot. lol.
Peter Pan is awesome. Writing poems allow me to escape..life gets so chaotic at home.
Hugs
Amanda
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
The sun is hot. The moon is cold
The earth will implode one day.
I love Clint Eastwood.
There is that enough to tell you?
Anyway, cute beginning.
Not sure how to review.
Ill keep trying
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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The sun is hot. The moon is cold
The earth will implode one day.
I love Clint Eastwood.
There is that enough to tell you?
Anyway, cute beginning.
Not sure how to review.
Ill keep trying
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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As long as Clint Eastwood is around he will keep the Earth from imploding. After that.....scary. Oh, say anything you want. Like you did. Hahaha. Did you like the little poem about going to the electric chair? I was really against the death penalty when I was twelve. Strange little boy huh? mikey
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Absolutely...strange
Comment from l.raven
WOW!!!Michael, You had a talent as a kid...that's a great write for being just twelve...I love your story and the poem...sooooooooooo very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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WOW!!!Michael, You had a talent as a kid...that's a great write for being just twelve...I love your story and the poem...sooooooooooo very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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What a dear you are. You are too kind. I was so shy about my writing back then. I never showed it to a soul. I turned in a couple poems to the high school annual poem book and showed a few to girlfriends and then left them on my shelf until I found this place. I am happy you are so kind here. Thank you for your encouraging words. so appreciated, mikey
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You are so welcome...I am just glad you are showing them now....xxoo
Comment from Spitfire
Wow! I'd have serious thoughts if my twelve-year old son wrote the last poem. It sounds like a metaphor for being bullied. I'd like to know what led to your love for writing instead of sports? Did your teachers or peers recognize your talent, Did you show them to others. What was the reaction to the last poem?
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Wow! I'd have serious thoughts if my twelve-year old son wrote the last poem. It sounds like a metaphor for being bullied. I'd like to know what led to your love for writing instead of sports? Did your teachers or peers recognize your talent, Did you show them to others. What was the reaction to the last poem?
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Weird kid huh? I was never bullied for some reason. Even though I am small no one ever had the nerve. I always took in the kids being picked on and protected them. I think the other kids thought I was nuts! hahaha. No, no one except a couple girlfriends knew that I wrote anything. Just a rock and roll boy. This is the first place that I ever shared anything. Too late to lock me up now. It's a big desert. They would never find me. ha! As long as I have a pretty girl I am okay. mikey
Comment from kenni
In response to your notes: How about pose story and poetry. Someone had a contest here, it seems anyway, not long ago, and I read several. This is as good as it gets, and I'm impressed with both of the small verses. Your verse was as mature then as mine are now. The first is a beautiful love song, expressive imagery and final thought. the second: dramatic. kenni
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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In response to your notes: How about pose story and poetry. Someone had a contest here, it seems anyway, not long ago, and I read several. This is as good as it gets, and I'm impressed with both of the small verses. Your verse was as mature then as mine are now. The first is a beautiful love song, expressive imagery and final thought. the second: dramatic. kenni
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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A contest? Must have been before my time. That is something I do but, never posted any of it. I love to write poetry by fictional characters as though they wrote it. I was telling one of the young poets on here that age doesn't matter that much. All age does is give you more to write about. ha! Appreciate the input and thoughts. Good ideas. I like them. mikey
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I think you're right about the age thing, and maybe there was no such contest, only that I chanced on the writings.
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good idea either way. have only been here since august so maybe. should be. mikey
