Pale Sisters
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Diana and The Return of Olan Rawls"Science fiction.
17 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Someone's about to get a beat down. Why did you stop here? I love some blood and guts. Oh, well, I'll see if Brady finally beat the snot out of Gordon.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Someone's about to get a beat down. Why did you stop here? I love some blood and guts. Oh, well, I'll see if Brady finally beat the snot out of Gordon.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Trying to introduce more characters so I will have to skip Ernesto's dressing down and go to the post mordem (in case you thought he had a chance here).
Comment from kriver
Hi Bill,
Holy Smokes this is a very good
but creepy write
it has a good story line holding
the reader's interest well.
Good cliff hanger ending
Best regards,
K River
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Hi Bill,
Holy Smokes this is a very good
but creepy write
it has a good story line holding
the reader's interest well.
Good cliff hanger ending
Best regards,
K River
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Thank you, K, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
After reading this, I find that it's a good chapter.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Clean and clear.
Interesting names for the children: Virgo and Libra. It's creative. I like it.
Thanks for sharing another part of your book.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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After reading this, I find that it's a good chapter.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Clean and clear.
Interesting names for the children: Virgo and Libra. It's creative. I like it.
Thanks for sharing another part of your book.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Thank you again, Nicole. Bill
Comment from nomi338
The best laid plans of mice and men will sometimes go awry. If you plot the death of acknowledged dangerous persons, you had damn well better make sure that the plot is executed with precision. It is very hard to explain to someone you tried to have killed that you are innocent when it is obvious you are not.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2017
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The best laid plans of mice and men will sometimes go awry. If you plot the death of acknowledged dangerous persons, you had damn well better make sure that the plot is executed with precision. It is very hard to explain to someone you tried to have killed that you are innocent when it is obvious you are not.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2017
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Olan has no enemies -- living.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Like the different colors separating the portions from each other.
Interesting, and well written, storyline with plenty of high rising action.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
Which way will you go? That remains the question.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2017
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Like the different colors separating the portions from each other.
Interesting, and well written, storyline with plenty of high rising action.
Several different directions you could travel this accounting in from this point forward.
Which way will you go? That remains the question.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2017
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Thanks, Brett, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Ya bes' lock that there door, Litta Missy," warned Olan, " les ya wanna end up ahurtin' like ol' Nester here."
The girl grabbed the door with both hands and slammed it shut. Olan heard the lock close behind it.
"Looks like it's jes you 'n me, Amigo," Olan said, as he pulled the trembling man up to face him. "What say we have us a time."....
Fantastic! The way you write accented and colloquial language effortlessly is remarkable. A fine write well done kind regards Meia x
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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"Ya bes' lock that there door, Litta Missy," warned Olan, " les ya wanna end up ahurtin' like ol' Nester here."
The girl grabbed the door with both hands and slammed it shut. Olan heard the lock close behind it.
"Looks like it's jes you 'n me, Amigo," Olan said, as he pulled the trembling man up to face him. "What say we have us a time."....
Fantastic! The way you write accented and colloquial language effortlessly is remarkable. A fine write well done kind regards Meia x
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for the excellent and specific review. Bill
Comment from apky
I'm still following this twisted and intriguing story. I enjoy how you also portray what kind of person/character the reader is reading about by mere way of speech:
"Guess whose name 'n number was right there on the first page a that there book?" Olan asked, as he came up on the shorter man, now pinned to the wall, beside the entrance to the bathroom.
Ernesto tried to form a word of any kind with his mouth, but couldn't.
I'm sure to come back to this, having left it at the edge of the cliff as you have.
Cheers,
Apky
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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I'm still following this twisted and intriguing story. I enjoy how you also portray what kind of person/character the reader is reading about by mere way of speech:
"Guess whose name 'n number was right there on the first page a that there book?" Olan asked, as he came up on the shorter man, now pinned to the wall, beside the entrance to the bathroom.
Ernesto tried to form a word of any kind with his mouth, but couldn't.
I'm sure to come back to this, having left it at the edge of the cliff as you have.
Cheers,
Apky
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thank you, apky, for the excellent and meaningful review. Bill
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Bill. This is a great story. I'm going to have to go back and start reading I think. Most fantasy stories don't seem to have any grounding in reality however, this one strikes as believable. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Hi Bill. This is a great story. I'm going to have to go back and start reading I think. Most fantasy stories don't seem to have any grounding in reality however, this one strikes as believable. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 10-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2017
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Thanks, Deborah, for the kind review. Bill
Comment from His Grayness
I found this work to be extremely complex and abstract. I'm sure it is intended to be so. The writing does hold some very critical 'GRIP' and for that reason, I would give it a high rating. I would have to read the earlier script to be in touch at all with what is actually happening in this story! HIS GRAYNESS
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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I found this work to be extremely complex and abstract. I'm sure it is intended to be so. The writing does hold some very critical 'GRIP' and for that reason, I would give it a high rating. I would have to read the earlier script to be in touch at all with what is actually happening in this story! HIS GRAYNESS
Comment Written 09-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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It's kind of like reading "Rolling Thunder", starting in the middle, and wondering why the guy with the hooked hand is so mad at these dudes he's butching.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Bill, I will be honest with you. Your writing needs some tidying up. You use long and convoluted sentences. Break them up and make use of punctuation.
One suggestion:
The paragraph starting: 'Ernesto Rivera was about to enter his shower ...:
Ernesto Rivera entered the bathroom to take a shower when he heard the scream from the bedroom. He rustled back out, his robe thrown wide open. What he saw next was Olan Rawls standing next to the bed in which, the terrified young girl lay.
I like the story a lot. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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Hi Bill, I will be honest with you. Your writing needs some tidying up. You use long and convoluted sentences. Break them up and make use of punctuation.
One suggestion:
The paragraph starting: 'Ernesto Rivera was about to enter his shower ...:
Ernesto Rivera entered the bathroom to take a shower when he heard the scream from the bedroom. He rustled back out, his robe thrown wide open. What he saw next was Olan Rawls standing next to the bed in which, the terrified young girl lay.
I like the story a lot. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 09-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2017
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I know that first sentence in the Olan Rawls transition is sad collection of prepositional phrases leading to a direct object. I will reword that one. Thanks for keeping me on my toes.
