Pantoum Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Boobook Owl"Poems written using the pantoum form
117 total reviews
Comment from boxergirl
The Boobook owl kills silently,
her shadowed silver silhouette
You have done a good job creating you pantoum poem. The picture and the first two lines set the tone for an interesting read about the Boobook owl. The abab rhyme scheme helps it flow smoothly from top to bottom. I enjoyed the read!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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The Boobook owl kills silently,
her shadowed silver silhouette
You have done a good job creating you pantoum poem. The picture and the first two lines set the tone for an interesting read about the Boobook owl. The abab rhyme scheme helps it flow smoothly from top to bottom. I enjoyed the read!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Boxergirl. Appreciated.
Comment from visionary1234
You've done it again my dear! I LOVE the pantoum form (hadn't heard of it till coming to Fanstory). I'm busy at the moment, so am not writing, but I think we should sponsor a pantoum contest! Take another well deserved sixer! LOVE your use of enjambment in this one - you don't see that well used in pantoums usually and you've pulled it off beautifully!
:)S
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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You've done it again my dear! I LOVE the pantoum form (hadn't heard of it till coming to Fanstory). I'm busy at the moment, so am not writing, but I think we should sponsor a pantoum contest! Take another well deserved sixer! LOVE your use of enjambment in this one - you don't see that well used in pantoums usually and you've pulled it off beautifully!
:)S
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thanks so much for your lovely review, Sharyn, and for the six-star rating. I had to play around a bit to make the enjambment work! A pantoum contest is a good idea!
Comment from Cookie333
Thank you for a lovely piece about nature near your home. I read Brooke's piece, and I may have a 'go' at one of these forms...a very smooth read, and I am a fan of anything nature.
karen
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thank you for a lovely piece about nature near your home. I read Brooke's piece, and I may have a 'go' at one of these forms...a very smooth read, and I am a fan of anything nature.
karen
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Karen. Appreciated.
Comment from l.raven
They are beautiful birds...I know the poems you are talking about by the other writers, ...they great writes....This is very well written Tony...so well expressed...and your colors so set the stage for the beautiful picture...Love it!!! Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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They are beautiful birds...I know the poems you are talking about by the other writers, ...they great writes....This is very well written Tony...so well expressed...and your colors so set the stage for the beautiful picture...Love it!!! Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Linda. Appreciated.
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you are so welcome...xxoo
Comment from kiwijenny
I wish I had a six....I love your nature poems. You capture in few words the beauty and drama. ....A wraith with staring hooded eye ........her shadowed silvered silhouette
Resplendent .....
God bless
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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I wish I had a six....I love your nature poems. You capture in few words the beauty and drama. ....A wraith with staring hooded eye ........her shadowed silvered silhouette
Resplendent .....
God bless
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thanks so much for your lovely review, Jenny, and for the virtual six!
Comment from teafor2
tfawcus--An engrossing melding, meshing and folding of
imagery laden phrases complement the relating of this
fascinating hunter/hunt. The combination of accenuated syl-
lables, feminine and masculine rhymes provide a euphonious
rhythm and flow to this survival of the fittest/cunningest
piece. Picture belies this adorable creature as a silent
killer!:) teafor2
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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tfawcus--An engrossing melding, meshing and folding of
imagery laden phrases complement the relating of this
fascinating hunter/hunt. The combination of accenuated syl-
lables, feminine and masculine rhymes provide a euphonious
rhythm and flow to this survival of the fittest/cunningest
piece. Picture belies this adorable creature as a silent
killer!:) teafor2
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Thanks so much for your detailed and interesting review, Teafor2, and for your generous comments! I have now found a slightly more menacing picture to go with the theme of sudden death! However, when not hunting this wee owl is a bit of a sweetie! It has such a mournful 2-note call, hence its lovely onomatopoeic name.
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U R welcome.
Comment from dennis0530
You have created a beautiful Pantoum with a nice flow.
Your descriptions elicited picture frames in my mind. Whether by choice or chance, your illustration is very apt. The eyes of your owl is a picture of intense watchfulness. Zeroing in on the prey ready for the silent kill.
I could just suggest one thing - the font and background color does not give enough contrast. Maybe you still have time to edit and try different combinations.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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You have created a beautiful Pantoum with a nice flow.
Your descriptions elicited picture frames in my mind. Whether by choice or chance, your illustration is very apt. The eyes of your owl is a picture of intense watchfulness. Zeroing in on the prey ready for the silent kill.
I could just suggest one thing - the font and background color does not give enough contrast. Maybe you still have time to edit and try different combinations.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your interesting and helpful review Dennis. I had a bit of difficulty matching the colour scheme to suggest a moonlit night, especially as my first picture was all in brown! I have had another look and deepened the background colour a bit to make the writing stand out more clearly. Thanks for your feedback on that.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a beautiful pantoum. I loved the story told in verse. The only slight confusion I found was in the last two lines of your third stanza - 'Her prey, alert at water's edge, Will make her fateful movement soon' - I wondered if the owl was to make the movement or the prey. Otherwise such a lovely picture you paint with this poem. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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This is a beautiful pantoum. I loved the story told in verse. The only slight confusion I found was in the last two lines of your third stanza - 'Her prey, alert at water's edge, Will make her fateful movement soon' - I wondered if the owl was to make the movement or the prey. Otherwise such a lovely picture you paint with this poem. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Dorothy, and for your comments. Much appreciated. Yes, that is a difficulty, I admit! Difficult to get around it whilst staying within the confines of the Pantoum structure. I think, however, it becomes clear when you read the next sentence. One of the ideas of the Pantoum is for the same line to be used twice but with a different meaning. In the first instance it is the owl who is alert (for movement) and in the second instance it is the prey, alert (for danger).
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I have reread your poem and agree with you. I can see it clearly now. I'm new to pantoum structure also so admire the job you did with this as it was so well written. Regards Dorothy
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I have reread your poem and agree with you. I can see it clearly now. I'm new to pantoum structure also so admire the job you did with this as it was so well written. Regards Dorothy
Comment from Ekim777
The pantoum is my favorite verse form and you handle it well. The repetitions are most useful to help us assimilate the many details. You work in your rhyme scheme well not done at the expense of the all important cadence. Technicalities aside, we learn to appreciate the beauty of your owl. I had an owl once, they can show some affection despite their wide eyes. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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The pantoum is my favorite verse form and you handle it well. The repetitions are most useful to help us assimilate the many details. You work in your rhyme scheme well not done at the expense of the all important cadence. Technicalities aside, we learn to appreciate the beauty of your owl. I had an owl once, they can show some affection despite their wide eyes. -Ekim777
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Ekim777, for your comments and for your appreciation of the Pantoum's structure. I agree, they are beautiful birds, almost mystical.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Tony,
This is an accomplished pantoum poem and one I enjoyed reading. You have excellent alliteration throughout along with good enjambments. I have been to Australia but don't recall if I saw a BooBook owl. I went to more than one zoo so I may have. Your author's notes are informative. Well done, chey
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Hi Tony,
This is an accomplished pantoum poem and one I enjoyed reading. You have excellent alliteration throughout along with good enjambments. I have been to Australia but don't recall if I saw a BooBook owl. I went to more than one zoo so I may have. Your author's notes are informative. Well done, chey
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Chey, and for your comments. Boobook is a corruption of the onomatopoeic aboriginal name Bubuk . Some people also call it the Mopoke. It has a beautifully mournful hoot on two separate notes.
