The Machine Stops
When appliances break84 total reviews
Comment from Cookie333
Bwahahaha, this one cracked me up Steve...well done my friend. As soon as I stop laughing I might be able to type.
My favorite word play:
'then graunched before exploding' love the word 'graunched'
spectacular entry,
thank you for a good chuckle,
karen
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Bwahahaha, this one cracked me up Steve...well done my friend. As soon as I stop laughing I might be able to type.
My favorite word play:
'then graunched before exploding' love the word 'graunched'
spectacular entry,
thank you for a good chuckle,
karen
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Karen - I suspect your original take on this prompt may be my main competition, so good luck to us both - wanna call it a tie?
Yes, graunched is exactly the noise I had in mind. I usually hear it in connection with that awful noise made when a learner driver tries to change gear without depressing the clutch!
Steve
Comment from Dawn Munro
HAHAHAHahahaha - okay, the best of the bunch as far as I am concerned is the Bluetooth needing a dentist, but then the lost GPS is a hoot too, as is the DVD that needs some TLC. A usual, your rhyme and metering are super and the story is hilarious! Best of luck with this fun poem! :)
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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HAHAHAHahahaha - okay, the best of the bunch as far as I am concerned is the Bluetooth needing a dentist, but then the lost GPS is a hoot too, as is the DVD that needs some TLC. A usual, your rhyme and metering are super and the story is hilarious! Best of luck with this fun poem! :)
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Dawn.
Yes, I had some fun and would have had more if only some of this hadn't been just a little too close to home!
Steve
Comment from jgirlie152
I really enjoyed this poem of our messed up machine world.
What did we ever do before our dependence on technology?
I think you hit all the right buttons in what could happen if bit by bit our handy-dandy helpmates started getting flaws and falling apart. Young people, learn to do figures in your head, for some day that expensive ipod might refuse you your rights and you'll be forced to go back in time to paper and pencil and use your brain as God meant.
You did really well on this one and I salute your talents.
Joan
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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I really enjoyed this poem of our messed up machine world.
What did we ever do before our dependence on technology?
I think you hit all the right buttons in what could happen if bit by bit our handy-dandy helpmates started getting flaws and falling apart. Young people, learn to do figures in your head, for some day that expensive ipod might refuse you your rights and you'll be forced to go back in time to paper and pencil and use your brain as God meant.
You did really well on this one and I salute your talents.
Joan
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Joan, thanks for the kind words.
Yes, the story I reference poses that same question - are we too dependent - could we even function if the internet 'broke' tomorrow?
Steve
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Well, Steve, I can still write on paper with a pen or pencil and do sums in my head. If schools would only take away the calculators in grammar school and middle school perhaps the young ones would learn to think on their own. Joan
Comment from Stephen Wolff
I've been having similar problems! The heat proof glass in my oven door inexplicably shattered the other day when I was cooking - I assume due to heat!
Only suggestion is why not replace "beggered" with "buggered" and to hell with it? Seems much for impactful, natural and humorous to me. Swearwords are great as long as they are not over-used!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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I've been having similar problems! The heat proof glass in my oven door inexplicably shattered the other day when I was cooking - I assume due to heat!
Only suggestion is why not replace "beggered" with "buggered" and to hell with it? Seems much for impactful, natural and humorous to me. Swearwords are great as long as they are not over-used!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Stephen.
yes, I shied away from buggered - too acutely aware of some readers' sensitivities I guess. Even though the word has long featured in a well-known series of TV ads here.
Steve
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Use the word you think is best for the piece and, if some of the readers don't like it, I think that' there problem. You can always give it a strong language alert thingy!
Comment from rama devi
Hilarious and sure to be a winning entry for this contest...has my vote, anyway. Superb flow and rhyming, as usual from your pen! Fun bouncy beat. Much inventiveness. Superb phonetics and poetic craft. I especially enjoyed the opening stanza's alliteration on F and S and consonance of T::
The fridge is far from frosty
and the toaster's on the fritz;
the mower's scattered round the yard
in countless shattered bits.
Bits and fritz--outstanding fresh rhyme.
The kettle gives a deathly wail
then, whimpering, expires;
the stereo's demented
Llke a dozen off-key choirs.
Exceptional rhyme of expires and choirs (wish I'd thought of that!) and fine alliteration on W and D. there is a typo in like...I think the second letter looks like an L and not an I
The washer's bumpy-thumping
like it wants to leave the room;
the heater's grown quite chilly
and the oven's met its doom.
Love the personification of the washer wanting to leave the room...LOL! Very witty. Imaginative.
The waste disposal ate four forks
then graunched before exploding;
Superb personification. LOL
there's a message on the microwave
that fills me with foreboding.
Cleverly phrased. (chuckling) And superb rhyme, again.
The telly's just gone belly-up
smack in the evening news;
the DVD needs TLC; --stroke of genius humor and word play.
computer's blown a fuse.---brilliant rhyme with news
My Bluetooth needs a dentist----he he he!
and my Wi-Fi's disconnected;
my razor flicked its flexy tail
then died; how unexpected! ---another fun rhyme.
My iPad tells me I don't know
the year that I was born;
my smart phone's lost its smarts it seems;
my Kindle's reading porn.
FUN!
My GPS has lost its way
and beggared off to Burma; HA HA
my Whipper-Snipper snipped and whipped
then ate some terra firma(.)
Funny and original. Note one spag.
I'd like to post this poem on-line
so all the world can read it,
but the Internet's gone Poof! Kaput!
just when I really need it
Creative rhyming, once again.
This is highly entertaining and has some of the most imaginative rhyme pairs I've seen on this site.
Kudos. Wish I had a six.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Hilarious and sure to be a winning entry for this contest...has my vote, anyway. Superb flow and rhyming, as usual from your pen! Fun bouncy beat. Much inventiveness. Superb phonetics and poetic craft. I especially enjoyed the opening stanza's alliteration on F and S and consonance of T::
The fridge is far from frosty
and the toaster's on the fritz;
the mower's scattered round the yard
in countless shattered bits.
Bits and fritz--outstanding fresh rhyme.
The kettle gives a deathly wail
then, whimpering, expires;
the stereo's demented
Llke a dozen off-key choirs.
Exceptional rhyme of expires and choirs (wish I'd thought of that!) and fine alliteration on W and D. there is a typo in like...I think the second letter looks like an L and not an I
The washer's bumpy-thumping
like it wants to leave the room;
the heater's grown quite chilly
and the oven's met its doom.
Love the personification of the washer wanting to leave the room...LOL! Very witty. Imaginative.
The waste disposal ate four forks
then graunched before exploding;
Superb personification. LOL
there's a message on the microwave
that fills me with foreboding.
Cleverly phrased. (chuckling) And superb rhyme, again.
The telly's just gone belly-up
smack in the evening news;
the DVD needs TLC; --stroke of genius humor and word play.
computer's blown a fuse.---brilliant rhyme with news
My Bluetooth needs a dentist----he he he!
and my Wi-Fi's disconnected;
my razor flicked its flexy tail
then died; how unexpected! ---another fun rhyme.
My iPad tells me I don't know
the year that I was born;
my smart phone's lost its smarts it seems;
my Kindle's reading porn.
FUN!
My GPS has lost its way
and beggared off to Burma; HA HA
my Whipper-Snipper snipped and whipped
then ate some terra firma(.)
Funny and original. Note one spag.
I'd like to post this poem on-line
so all the world can read it,
but the Internet's gone Poof! Kaput!
just when I really need it
Creative rhyming, once again.
This is highly entertaining and has some of the most imaginative rhyme pairs I've seen on this site.
Kudos. Wish I had a six.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Rama - I did have fun with this - I just wish some of it wasn't quite so close to home!
I'll go and check out the typos etc you detected.
Thanks again.
Steve
Comment from N.K. Wagner
No more 6s this week, Steve. A shame because this one deserves many. I especially liked:
The waste disposal ate four forks
then graunched before exploding;
That's exactly the sound it makes! :D
Great job, Steve. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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No more 6s this week, Steve. A shame because this one deserves many. I especially liked:
The waste disposal ate four forks
then graunched before exploding;
That's exactly the sound it makes! :D
Great job, Steve. :) Nancy
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Nancy.
yes, 'graunched' is very self-descriptive - I usually hear it wrt learner drivers engaging the gears without depressing the clutch - there's kind of a 'ouch' factor in there too.
Steve
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Grinding gears...wife or kids? :D Nancy
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Both in my case!
Steve
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Oh well. Transmissions can be replaced. :D Nancy
Comment from humpwhistle
What I like about being poor, Steve, is that most of my appliances are already broken and I can't afford to fix them. My expectations are low.
Love your catalogue appliances. Kindle reading porn tickled me.
Best of luck with the Committee.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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What I like about being poor, Steve, is that most of my appliances are already broken and I can't afford to fix them. My expectations are low.
Love your catalogue appliances. Kindle reading porn tickled me.
Best of luck with the Committee.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Lee - no committee to contend with this time - justthe vagaries of the booth.
Steve
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It's always one vagary or another.
Comment from SaluteDobby
Oh My! You seem to be having a terrible day, Steve! How are you surviving without these marvels of modern science?
Of course, if your kindle is showing porn, I don't think you have any reason to complain!
LOL. Really good take on the prompt. All the best with the contest!
I laughed out loud when I read the lines
My Bluetooth needs a dentist
and my Wi-Fi's disconnected;
:)
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Oh My! You seem to be having a terrible day, Steve! How are you surviving without these marvels of modern science?
Of course, if your kindle is showing porn, I don't think you have any reason to complain!
LOL. Really good take on the prompt. All the best with the contest!
I laughed out loud when I read the lines
My Bluetooth needs a dentist
and my Wi-Fi's disconnected;
:)
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, namratha.
The terrible part is how much I didn't have to make up.
I have discovered it wasn't real porn, just 50 shades of Grey - have decided it's a female!
Steve
Comment from FrannyG
This is another great poem on the theme of unreliable appliances. Perhaps better even than the last one. More inclusive of everything technological and very funny and entertaining.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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This is another great poem on the theme of unreliable appliances. Perhaps better even than the last one. More inclusive of everything technological and very funny and entertaining.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, franny - I appreciate the review.
Steve
Comment from mfowler
I've enjoyed these mechanical ditties, but this is easily the most poetic and entertaining. Your humour is super and I love the little similes 'like he wants to leave the room' . Your puns are brilliant and I think you gave every appliance a good going over. You could whinge for New Zealand and be an electrical retailers best customer. Well done!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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I've enjoyed these mechanical ditties, but this is easily the most poetic and entertaining. Your humour is super and I love the little similes 'like he wants to leave the room' . Your puns are brilliant and I think you gave every appliance a good going over. You could whinge for New Zealand and be an electrical retailers best customer. Well done!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Well, since at least half of this is true, The retailers' eyes do indeed light up when they see me coming - and of course in our disposable world nothing is worth repairing these days.
I wonder if they would consider whinging as an event at the Rio Games....
Steve
