The Machine Stops
When appliances break84 total reviews
Comment from allborn66
This is a wonderful poem. The tone is delightful, The word choice is excellent. You communicated the theme very well. Good luck in the contest.
Barbara
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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This is a wonderful poem. The tone is delightful, The word choice is excellent. You communicated the theme very well. Good luck in the contest.
Barbara
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Barbara, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from simplyteresa
This is just the cutest and funniest I've read in a very long time. A wonderful weekend pick-me-up, I'll have bookcase this one.
Good luck in the contest!!
Teresa
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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This is just the cutest and funniest I've read in a very long time. A wonderful weekend pick-me-up, I'll have bookcase this one.
Good luck in the contest!!
Teresa
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Teresa, thanks for the positive review and the six lovely stars - also for bookmarking - a real compliment.
Steve
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Nine very good stanzas for the 'When your appliances break' competition. Very well written in abcb rhyme and very amusing. Heaven forbid that all those appliances go at the same time. Your line I liked best is 'My Bluetooth needs a dentist. Good luck. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Nine very good stanzas for the 'When your appliances break' competition. Very well written in abcb rhyme and very amusing. Heaven forbid that all those appliances go at the same time. Your line I liked best is 'My Bluetooth needs a dentist. Good luck. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Dorothy
Alarmingly a fair proportion of this is close to the truth - oh, and I forgot to mention the septic tank clogging up!
Steve
Comment from rouskin
The fridge is far from frosty
The washer's bumpy-thumping
The telly's just gone belly-up
My Bluetooth needs a dentist
My GPS has lost its way
my smart phone's lost its smarts it seems.
I'm glad that in the last moment you've got your internet connection back so we could enjoy your write.
Strong contestant and probably the winner. Good luck.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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The fridge is far from frosty
The washer's bumpy-thumping
The telly's just gone belly-up
My Bluetooth needs a dentist
My GPS has lost its way
my smart phone's lost its smarts it seems.
I'm glad that in the last moment you've got your internet connection back so we could enjoy your write.
Strong contestant and probably the winner. Good luck.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you.
There are several strong entries in this so let's see if your predictive ability is on the money!
Steve
Comment from gazzagodbod
Ha ha loved this little electronic disaster poem fun to read and dont we all know that feeling lol had to be a sixer from me gazza
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Ha ha loved this little electronic disaster poem fun to read and dont we all know that feeling lol had to be a sixer from me gazza
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Gazza, thanks for the review and the six stars. I appreciate the support.
Steve
Comment from michaelcahill
there are plenty of appliances here. and everything you mention is an appliance anyway. hahaha. I was going with the flow with the big smile enjoying the expert writing and perfect flow and then you hit me with: "my Kindle's reading porn." hahaha. one of the funniest things I have read in ages. a brilliant piece. it finally occurred to me the key to a piece like this. the word is perfection. the slightest misstep ruins it completely. that is the difference between this perfect piece and countless others. a musician that adds a beat gets kicked out of the band. that is how it should be with poetry. super job. mike
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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there are plenty of appliances here. and everything you mention is an appliance anyway. hahaha. I was going with the flow with the big smile enjoying the expert writing and perfect flow and then you hit me with: "my Kindle's reading porn." hahaha. one of the funniest things I have read in ages. a brilliant piece. it finally occurred to me the key to a piece like this. the word is perfection. the slightest misstep ruins it completely. that is the difference between this perfect piece and countless others. a musician that adds a beat gets kicked out of the band. that is how it should be with poetry. super job. mike
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Mike.
With a piece like this I feel it is important to get the rhythm right all the way if possible. I seem to be pretty good at this dum-di-da stuff - before I joined FanStory I thought everybody could do it!
Steve
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funny as a musician I am shocked at how little rhythm I have! not easy at all. and like a comedian that doesn't get laughs one bad rhyme throws it all off. mike
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
There are days when it seems like everything that can happen does happen all at once, thank God they doesn't happen too often. This is well-written and very entertaining. God loves you and so do I.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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There are days when it seems like everything that can happen does happen all at once, thank God they doesn't happen too often. This is well-written and very entertaining. God loves you and so do I.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Selina Stambi
graunched - interesting word - I haven't heard it before
How can I sue you, Steve, after the smiles you put on my face? The font seems to add to the experience of this poem.
I am such a tech. illiterate, I know I embarrass my kids big time!
Have a great weekend. Good night from Canada! :)
Sonali
Spags:
L(i)ke a dozen off-key choirs
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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graunched - interesting word - I haven't heard it before
How can I sue you, Steve, after the smiles you put on my face? The font seems to add to the experience of this poem.
I am such a tech. illiterate, I know I embarrass my kids big time!
Have a great weekend. Good night from Canada! :)
Sonali
Spags:
L(i)ke a dozen off-key choirs
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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graunch is that sound you hear when a learner driver engages the gears without using the clutch.... or when I ride over a hidden pile of stones on my ride-on mower!
I'm not a tech illiterate, but I confess to falling behind when it comes to smart phones, twitter etc. I'm sure I could learn them if I wanted to, but who wants to?
Steve
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That's what I meant by illiterate, I guess - I'm on par with you - how right you are ... who wants to, anyway?
I learned a new word today, thanks to you. Couldn't find it in the dic.
s
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Online dictionaries are good because they cover both American and british (and by extension NZ and Australian) plus you may turn up something that's urban, street-talk.
I checked graunch after a couple of reviewers mentioned it and it's definitely listed.
Steve
Comment from Winslow
Dear kiwisteveh,
I believe your message here is we were better off when we could use a phone to call and a net for playing basketball. Electronics sticks its finger into everything, pretty soon we won't even have to think. But then again who will check us out at the grocery store and make change, and who will use a dictionary and have a book to read?
Well stated. (LOL)
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Dear kiwisteveh,
I believe your message here is we were better off when we could use a phone to call and a net for playing basketball. Electronics sticks its finger into everything, pretty soon we won't even have to think. But then again who will check us out at the grocery store and make change, and who will use a dictionary and have a book to read?
Well stated. (LOL)
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Winslow.
It would be nice to think I had a message and was using my great poetic talent to spread it.... nah!
Now E. M. Forster - he had a message in that story I mentioned.
Steve
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This is another wonderful read, Steve. I'm always delighted when I see your poems are ready for me to read. That sense of humour always gives me a dose of wellness. Pete and I both enjoyed this one hugely. Giddy
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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This is another wonderful read, Steve. I'm always delighted when I see your poems are ready for me to read. That sense of humour always gives me a dose of wellness. Pete and I both enjoyed this one hugely. Giddy
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thank you, Giddy. As you know I'm always pleased to hear that my poems are enjoyed and shared as well.
Unfortunately there's a little bit of truth in this one.
Steve
