Friends
importance of friends3 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Hi ammaragull
Welcome to FanStory. I hope you will enjoy your time here. You have written your first poem on site with an excellent topic. Most of us know the value of friends.
Friends are certainly a "blessing of god".
"inkuiries" is not an English word - I believe you might mean 'enquiries' or 'inquiries' - both words mean the same thing.
You have managed some good rhyme here. It must be difficult to write in English if it is not your first language. You have done very well.
Including modern abbreviations such as "bcz" will confuse some readers - this kind of thing could be part of your personal style and can work in contemporary free verse - it would be a good idea to include an explanation in your Author's Notes:
"bkz" - an abbreviation for because.
"When we hesitate" - not 'hasitate'. A nice couplet (two lines) to finish off with.
Your poem shows some very nice sentiments about friends. In time, as your English language improves you will find better ways to convey your feelings. At the moment your poem is a little 'forced' - please don't let this discourage you, your writing does show good instinct for poetry and expression of feelings.
I must point out that you hve entered a 5-7-5 contest which means five syllables in the first line and seven in the second line and five in the last line. The poem of this form is only three lines. Even though short, they are not easy as some people believe bcz the poet must convey a message in so few words.
Perhaps something like:
I love to have Friends - five syllables
because it's my trend to love - seven syllables
the blessings of god - five syllables
I use a syllable counter - the one I like best is howmanysyllables.com - just google and you can put in any word and it will tell you haw many syllables the word is.
it is OK to change your poem right up until the deadline. You could save the rest of your poem to post when you can enter a free verse or rhyming contest.
I hope this has been of help to you. I must give you a four because of the errors, however if you change it to a 5-7-5, please let me know and I can re-review and perhaps give you a higher rating. Please don't feel defeated if your have lower ratings, the reviewers just want to help you improve your work.
Well done for a first posting. Warm Regards - Lovinia
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Hi ammaragull
Welcome to FanStory. I hope you will enjoy your time here. You have written your first poem on site with an excellent topic. Most of us know the value of friends.
Friends are certainly a "blessing of god".
"inkuiries" is not an English word - I believe you might mean 'enquiries' or 'inquiries' - both words mean the same thing.
You have managed some good rhyme here. It must be difficult to write in English if it is not your first language. You have done very well.
Including modern abbreviations such as "bcz" will confuse some readers - this kind of thing could be part of your personal style and can work in contemporary free verse - it would be a good idea to include an explanation in your Author's Notes:
"bkz" - an abbreviation for because.
"When we hesitate" - not 'hasitate'. A nice couplet (two lines) to finish off with.
Your poem shows some very nice sentiments about friends. In time, as your English language improves you will find better ways to convey your feelings. At the moment your poem is a little 'forced' - please don't let this discourage you, your writing does show good instinct for poetry and expression of feelings.
I must point out that you hve entered a 5-7-5 contest which means five syllables in the first line and seven in the second line and five in the last line. The poem of this form is only three lines. Even though short, they are not easy as some people believe bcz the poet must convey a message in so few words.
Perhaps something like:
I love to have Friends - five syllables
because it's my trend to love - seven syllables
the blessings of god - five syllables
I use a syllable counter - the one I like best is howmanysyllables.com - just google and you can put in any word and it will tell you haw many syllables the word is.
it is OK to change your poem right up until the deadline. You could save the rest of your poem to post when you can enter a free verse or rhyming contest.
I hope this has been of help to you. I must give you a four because of the errors, however if you change it to a 5-7-5, please let me know and I can re-review and perhaps give you a higher rating. Please don't feel defeated if your have lower ratings, the reviewers just want to help you improve your work.
Well done for a first posting. Warm Regards - Lovinia
Comment Written 10-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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hmmm thanks for courage but there is a problem I only write first poem now I don't now about writing any other on whuch page I write can u tell me about this all please
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is not a 5-7-5 poem.
First line - 5 syllables
second line - 7 syllables
third line - 5- syllable
no more, no less.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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This is not a 5-7-5 poem.
First line - 5 syllables
second line - 7 syllables
third line - 5- syllable
no more, no less.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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but how i write anther script or prompt
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
I checked your profile. it doesn't say where you are from but you are new to fanStory. Welcome. I'm not a poet so i can't help much on reviewing on poetic style.inkuiries ..I'm not sure of the menaing of this word. bcz may be "because". You did a good job. I just thinks there's some cultural things that make it hard to understand some of what you are saying. I thinks it's awesome that you are writing this for all to enjoy. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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I checked your profile. it doesn't say where you are from but you are new to fanStory. Welcome. I'm not a poet so i can't help much on reviewing on poetic style.inkuiries ..I'm not sure of the menaing of this word. bcz may be "because". You did a good job. I just thinks there's some cultural things that make it hard to understand some of what you are saying. I thinks it's awesome that you are writing this for all to enjoy. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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thanks for giving courage friend
