My Erroneous Journey
how i came to join Fanstory32 total reviews
Comment from lindalcreel
Rating of Chapter 2 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 2
While many of us have not had physical ailments like yourself, we too have found a family here at Fanstory. We are not judged, but instead are offered advice that will hopefully make us into the writers that we want to become. I joined this site a few months ago, and feel like I have made quite a few friends here. It's like having your own cheer-leading section, with everyone wanting you to succeed. Thanks so much for sharing your story. It was beautiful and heart-felt. God Bless and I wish you a full recovery with your health:)
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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While many of us have not had physical ailments like yourself, we too have found a family here at Fanstory. We are not judged, but instead are offered advice that will hopefully make us into the writers that we want to become. I joined this site a few months ago, and feel like I have made quite a few friends here. It's like having your own cheer-leading section, with everyone wanting you to succeed. Thanks so much for sharing your story. It was beautiful and heart-felt. God Bless and I wish you a full recovery with your health:)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Hi Linda,
we all have a story, that's for sure, but this community of writers here on f/s have not only become friends, some are family.
And you are so right about the help and encouragement that is offered so freely... I think that part has made me a bit mushy...i've Had more people here willing to help, nurture and improve than every before... That does warm the soul!
Thank you so much for your wonderful review, it is appreciated.
I am truly grateful for you well-wishes for my health... Bless you.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
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I am one of many who have been adopted by the wonderful group of writers here. I wish you nothing but success in your writing endeavors. When one of us wins; we all win:)
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Beautifully said Linda, now if we could only get the rest of the world on board with that way of thinking... Yeah what a place it would be. xx
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Good things come to those who wait:)
Comment from RGstar
Rating of Chapter 2 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 2
Hi, Jumbo 1
Terry asked me to take a look in on you, regarding your apprehension and indecision in going on to your next story.
Well my friend, I am here to inform you, I have read both your chapters.
What I look for is the air between your words, the oxygen that it formulates and the carbon dioxide that it spits out, or does not need.
In other words, I look at the natural flow in your language, the ease of which it is administered, and any wastage in regards to phrases and sentences which do not sit well but placed there to convince, both the reader and yourself, of your ability to write.
Jumbo, let us not beat around the bush. Your wife is perfectly correct. You should write.
Your flow is as natural as the story you tell. There are no forced paragraphs or sentences placed there to show off any of the contents of your armoury.
It is written with ease, which convinces me, and anyone reading it, not just of your control regarding the story, but also the ownership of the verbs, adjectives and nouns that you incorporate, in the structure of the story.
Ok, some may say it is slightly easier as this is a true story you write which make you comfortable enough as you know what comes next. But!....... I would beg to differ, because truth or fiction, the positive ingredients and the structure of your writing, whilst telling your story, must be evident.
The harmony that your words cling to must be evident.
The continuation of one sentence after another, filled with nouns adjectives and other ingredients of language, must be present in a manner that relaxes the reader knowing that something is definitely right and gives no indication of having to study your sentences and paragraphs, word by word, in order to experience the emotion you create for that particular scene.
Every emotion you have presented, you have done so, naturally. We feel these emotions as you have laid them down. If they were forced or falsified, you would not have the positive and endearing reactions you do from the many talented writers here who have read your work.
There are no words formed especially just to get a reaction. If you did that, your text would be bumpy, uneven. It would be weak sometimes, strong other times. You have just followed your red thread, and relied on your sense of truth and direction. We, the reader, do the rest.
The imagery within your story is great, and creates the emotions as it should without feeling forced.
Your poetry is very strong, and well structured, even though at times you may claim not to know. I have read a couple, and was quietly surprised after the fact you made the statement concerning schooling.
Jumbo, you are in command of your writing, by miles. Your writing is not in command of you.
With that said. I say you this day: Go forth my friend; there is a place for you in this market. There are many who believe in you, perhaps even more than they may believe in themselves, or as much as.
I say this with all sincerity. You are a writer and a good one too. A good writer can write anything. That includes you. You may need to develop a technique or find your comfort zone when creating stories, but that should come naturally as time goes by.
Take my word for it. And trust me, I know a good writer when I see one. Develop your own style, your own technique, and then add a little bit of inspiration from us all.
Now get going.
We are all with you, and can't wait to read it. •??
My best wishes to you today. So glad you survived the incident. Perhaps something has come good from it: Your writing.
Don't tempt fate; it has given you an opening. Take it.
Best wishes,
RGstar
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Hi, Jumbo 1
Terry asked me to take a look in on you, regarding your apprehension and indecision in going on to your next story.
Well my friend, I am here to inform you, I have read both your chapters.
What I look for is the air between your words, the oxygen that it formulates and the carbon dioxide that it spits out, or does not need.
In other words, I look at the natural flow in your language, the ease of which it is administered, and any wastage in regards to phrases and sentences which do not sit well but placed there to convince, both the reader and yourself, of your ability to write.
Jumbo, let us not beat around the bush. Your wife is perfectly correct. You should write.
Your flow is as natural as the story you tell. There are no forced paragraphs or sentences placed there to show off any of the contents of your armoury.
It is written with ease, which convinces me, and anyone reading it, not just of your control regarding the story, but also the ownership of the verbs, adjectives and nouns that you incorporate, in the structure of the story.
Ok, some may say it is slightly easier as this is a true story you write which make you comfortable enough as you know what comes next. But!....... I would beg to differ, because truth or fiction, the positive ingredients and the structure of your writing, whilst telling your story, must be evident.
The harmony that your words cling to must be evident.
The continuation of one sentence after another, filled with nouns adjectives and other ingredients of language, must be present in a manner that relaxes the reader knowing that something is definitely right and gives no indication of having to study your sentences and paragraphs, word by word, in order to experience the emotion you create for that particular scene.
Every emotion you have presented, you have done so, naturally. We feel these emotions as you have laid them down. If they were forced or falsified, you would not have the positive and endearing reactions you do from the many talented writers here who have read your work.
There are no words formed especially just to get a reaction. If you did that, your text would be bumpy, uneven. It would be weak sometimes, strong other times. You have just followed your red thread, and relied on your sense of truth and direction. We, the reader, do the rest.
The imagery within your story is great, and creates the emotions as it should without feeling forced.
Your poetry is very strong, and well structured, even though at times you may claim not to know. I have read a couple, and was quietly surprised after the fact you made the statement concerning schooling.
Jumbo, you are in command of your writing, by miles. Your writing is not in command of you.
With that said. I say you this day: Go forth my friend; there is a place for you in this market. There are many who believe in you, perhaps even more than they may believe in themselves, or as much as.
I say this with all sincerity. You are a writer and a good one too. A good writer can write anything. That includes you. You may need to develop a technique or find your comfort zone when creating stories, but that should come naturally as time goes by.
Take my word for it. And trust me, I know a good writer when I see one. Develop your own style, your own technique, and then add a little bit of inspiration from us all.
Now get going.
We are all with you, and can't wait to read it. •??
My best wishes to you today. So glad you survived the incident. Perhaps something has come good from it: Your writing.
Don't tempt fate; it has given you an opening. Take it.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Hi RGstar,
man, what just happened? Never before have I had such a comprehensive review without it being filled with suggestions and improvements... My friend you are so good for my ego... I'm pretty sure your review rivals my story... I don't even know where to begin thanking you for such a wonderful review like this... Other than what is at my disposal.
Thank you so much my friend, yeah, I'm still blown away! Maybe a little shell-shocked... I have a feeling I will be seeing a lot more of you in the future.
How to make friends and influence people! Yeah man, you have a gift!
Kindest thoughts,
James
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You are right where you should be, my friend.
To rite, perhaps, is your destiny. Where it leads, is up to you.
RGstar
Comment from Tina McKala
Rating of Chapter 2 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 2
This was a very original tribute to fanstory and several its writers, also very strong personal life story. Very captivating write.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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This was a very original tribute to fanstory and several its writers, also very strong personal life story. Very captivating write.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Hi Tina,
thank you so much for this review, it is indeed appreciated.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from sweetwoodjax
Rating of Chapter 2 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 2
this is very well written, jumbo j, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where you discuss the way your body reacted to the chemicals you ingested and the way it helped your wife reach out of her anxiety to help you. and the writers you mentioned are wonderful writers.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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this is very well written, jumbo j, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where you discuss the way your body reacted to the chemicals you ingested and the way it helped your wife reach out of her anxiety to help you. and the writers you mentioned are wonderful writers.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Hi Sweet WJ,
thank you for your wonderful review and comments... I appreciate it very much.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from sweetwoodjax
Rating of Chapter 1 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 1
this is very well written, jumbo j, that is such a terrible thing to happen to you and the outcome of that on your body had to be terrible. therese asked me to step in and look at your profile. i remember reviewing you before.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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this is very well written, jumbo j, that is such a terrible thing to happen to you and the outcome of that on your body had to be terrible. therese asked me to step in and look at your profile. i remember reviewing you before.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Hi Sweet WJ,
yeah, Terry... What a special lady! I had a bit of trouble with part two not going out to my friend/fans in-boxes. So Terry single handedly set about get my story recognized... She has such motherly tendencies, what can I say?
I want to thank you so much for coming in through my profile page to review me... This is indeed a very special family her on f/s. A true giving community that surprises me at every turn, with it's caring and loving nature. How could you be anything than humble by these unselfish acts of kindness?
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from gaangel62
Rating of Chapter 2 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 2
James, I'm glad that your recovering from the poisoning and getting stronger by the day. Your story was very well written. The love of your wife is a beautiful addition to your story.....Hugs.....Angie
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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James, I'm glad that your recovering from the poisoning and getting stronger by the day. Your story was very well written. The love of your wife is a beautiful addition to your story.....Hugs.....Angie
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Hi Angelina,
my story will always contain a portion where the love of my wife and best friend shines through... it's just a part of who i am.
thank you so much for the honor you have given me with the exceptional rating and your exceptional review... you are truly a special gem.
kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from Selina Stambi
Rating of Chapter 2 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 2
I'd always had a good poker-face .. my husband does too - drives me crazy!
I'm another one of those males who doesn't particularly like going to visit the doctor. ... uh huh - my hubby again ... :)
Maybe there is a reason for everything? ... Absolutely, my friend!
Without even writing another word, I am already a winner. ... hurrah! Hurrah! AMEN, James!
Dear Jumbo,
Wow! I've been praying for you for months - and I had NO idea. Is there a reason for all of this?? Of course. And I bet you'll find out more and more as the months and weeks go by.
This is an amazing story of victory. God be with you, my friend, as you walk on this journey.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Prayers always,
Sonali :) xxx
Spags:
poker face (hyphenated only in "American")
it reacts with (not to) your lungs and
fluid build up (no hyphen)
for about eight years. (period, new sentence) It allows my airways
(New line) (We)ll, I wasn't thinking that clearly
(New line) Yeah, I can hear you say, 'at least
salt water (no hyphen) pool and
was what concerned (me) the most; had I damage(d) my lungs?
alright. (period. New sentence) I managed a kilometre
I was (not I'm) out of the woods,
usual, I underplayed (no hyphen required) it.
X-rays and blood test(s) were ordered
care for her husband became of (not a) greater importance
My body just seized up. (Period. New sentence) Employment
had lost eight kilos (no apostrophe needed) in weight.
Now three and a half (hyphens only used in "American") months later
and said, (")you should start writing.(")
(New line) (")Write what(?)(") I asked(.)
(New line) "You've written a few poems and I know you could write a good story(.)(New sentence) (T)this will help you to take your
the energy of this site(.) (new sentence) (I)f I did nothing else, I
All of which(no comma needed here) have (not has) been a great source of self-assessment
How could I not be inspired by Missy98(?)
story might have ended without it(?)
This story not only demonstrates this(,) (b)ut also shows
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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I'd always had a good poker-face .. my husband does too - drives me crazy!
I'm another one of those males who doesn't particularly like going to visit the doctor. ... uh huh - my hubby again ... :)
Maybe there is a reason for everything? ... Absolutely, my friend!
Without even writing another word, I am already a winner. ... hurrah! Hurrah! AMEN, James!
Dear Jumbo,
Wow! I've been praying for you for months - and I had NO idea. Is there a reason for all of this?? Of course. And I bet you'll find out more and more as the months and weeks go by.
This is an amazing story of victory. God be with you, my friend, as you walk on this journey.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Prayers always,
Sonali :) xxx
Spags:
poker face (hyphenated only in "American")
it reacts with (not to) your lungs and
fluid build up (no hyphen)
for about eight years. (period, new sentence) It allows my airways
(New line) (We)ll, I wasn't thinking that clearly
(New line) Yeah, I can hear you say, 'at least
salt water (no hyphen) pool and
was what concerned (me) the most; had I damage(d) my lungs?
alright. (period. New sentence) I managed a kilometre
I was (not I'm) out of the woods,
usual, I underplayed (no hyphen required) it.
X-rays and blood test(s) were ordered
care for her husband became of (not a) greater importance
My body just seized up. (Period. New sentence) Employment
had lost eight kilos (no apostrophe needed) in weight.
Now three and a half (hyphens only used in "American") months later
and said, (")you should start writing.(")
(New line) (")Write what(?)(") I asked(.)
(New line) "You've written a few poems and I know you could write a good story(.)(New sentence) (T)this will help you to take your
the energy of this site(.) (new sentence) (I)f I did nothing else, I
All of which(no comma needed here) have (not has) been a great source of self-assessment
How could I not be inspired by Missy98(?)
story might have ended without it(?)
This story not only demonstrates this(,) (b)ut also shows
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Hi Sonali,
thank you my sweet lady for such a comprehensive review... This is what I'm talking about, the generosity shown on this site. It is truly heart warming.
So, it sounds like I have a lot in common with your hubby on the obstinate side of things? Yeah, but we're lovable, eh?
Thank you for your on-going prayers... Every little bit helps... And I don't think there is anything as powerful as the healing light that is generated in prayer... So thank you, and bless you.
Your kind heart can't hide, it can only shine!
Have a wonderful weekend and be kind to my brother... Ah, I mean your hubby!
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
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Lovable ... true, dat!
God be with you, James and I'll convey your best to your (new) bro!
Until next time ...
S
Comment from 9999pool
Rating of Chapter 1 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 1
I am glad that my 'sister' Terry asked me to drop by to review this story (although I seldom review stories).
Within this captivating story is a lesson in life to be learnt.
We do not give up easily with the task in hand. When the fumes could have killed and maimed, the call of duty did not abandon our desire to get it right.
Yes, it could have been a fatal injury but having weighed the circumstances and the danger this accident posed to life, it had to be done or faced the prospects of a chlorine bomb which could endanger the neighbors especially the children.
The merit of the story is that it could very well be true with some fiction in it no doubt. The length we will go to to make things right is sometimes beyond our own comprehension and undertaking. But then again, what else is there to do? Wait for the bomb to explode? Under these excruciating circumstances, safety is of top priority but risking one's life may not be the only option.
Now more importantly, what is the next step after this accident? If this happens again, is there a safety net to prevent the explosion? In life, we do have accidents and make a lot of wrong decisions but the fact of this story is simple - are we prepared for another accident to happen again and this could happen to others attending to dozing chemicals for the swimming pool.
If by now, no measures have been taken to prevent the accident from occurring, then, we have not learnt anything in life.
If all of us consider this is just an unpredictable accident then we are all very wrong. Safety measures should have been put in place for such accidents but did we took them like did we improved on the mistakes we made in life? Two wrongs does not make a right as with life.
Chlorine is a very toxic and dangerous chemical - that's why we used it for drinking water to kill harmful bacteria and germs it contains.
The author had highlighted the pain and suffering in life - sometimes beyond our control and he is right.
But if things are within our control, did we heed the warning signs or did we went ahead and make the mistakes knowing full well the costs of suffering and pain it can do?
I have reviewed this story with a lesson in life that we can share and in the 'worst case scenario', can life's hazards (including love) be harnessed and put to full use for our benefit without destroying our hopes and dreams? Smiles.
Being a health and safety officer, I am fully aware of the consequences of handling dangerous chemicals and the only way to prevent accidents is to eliminate the hazard or at least a breathing mask with oxygen would have prevented self injury from toxic inhalation.
By now, i do hope all the safety gear are in place including testing the safe level of chlorine in the swimming pool water, etc.
A truly enjoyable and exciting story to read. Penned very well and full of drama. Should he tell the wife? No! Why make her worry as she had enough problems of her own. If she knew about this accident, what good will it benefit her except to worry every time the hubby goes out to attend the swimming pools again? Smiles.
Cheerio, great write, Ritchie. :))
Have a great week end and put up safety measures or consult a health and safety officer of the manufacturer if in doubt.
P.S. I used to work as a Plant manager in a concentrated sulphuric acid plant and next door was our sister company producing chlorine, smiles.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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I am glad that my 'sister' Terry asked me to drop by to review this story (although I seldom review stories).
Within this captivating story is a lesson in life to be learnt.
We do not give up easily with the task in hand. When the fumes could have killed and maimed, the call of duty did not abandon our desire to get it right.
Yes, it could have been a fatal injury but having weighed the circumstances and the danger this accident posed to life, it had to be done or faced the prospects of a chlorine bomb which could endanger the neighbors especially the children.
The merit of the story is that it could very well be true with some fiction in it no doubt. The length we will go to to make things right is sometimes beyond our own comprehension and undertaking. But then again, what else is there to do? Wait for the bomb to explode? Under these excruciating circumstances, safety is of top priority but risking one's life may not be the only option.
Now more importantly, what is the next step after this accident? If this happens again, is there a safety net to prevent the explosion? In life, we do have accidents and make a lot of wrong decisions but the fact of this story is simple - are we prepared for another accident to happen again and this could happen to others attending to dozing chemicals for the swimming pool.
If by now, no measures have been taken to prevent the accident from occurring, then, we have not learnt anything in life.
If all of us consider this is just an unpredictable accident then we are all very wrong. Safety measures should have been put in place for such accidents but did we took them like did we improved on the mistakes we made in life? Two wrongs does not make a right as with life.
Chlorine is a very toxic and dangerous chemical - that's why we used it for drinking water to kill harmful bacteria and germs it contains.
The author had highlighted the pain and suffering in life - sometimes beyond our control and he is right.
But if things are within our control, did we heed the warning signs or did we went ahead and make the mistakes knowing full well the costs of suffering and pain it can do?
I have reviewed this story with a lesson in life that we can share and in the 'worst case scenario', can life's hazards (including love) be harnessed and put to full use for our benefit without destroying our hopes and dreams? Smiles.
Being a health and safety officer, I am fully aware of the consequences of handling dangerous chemicals and the only way to prevent accidents is to eliminate the hazard or at least a breathing mask with oxygen would have prevented self injury from toxic inhalation.
By now, i do hope all the safety gear are in place including testing the safe level of chlorine in the swimming pool water, etc.
A truly enjoyable and exciting story to read. Penned very well and full of drama. Should he tell the wife? No! Why make her worry as she had enough problems of her own. If she knew about this accident, what good will it benefit her except to worry every time the hubby goes out to attend the swimming pools again? Smiles.
Cheerio, great write, Ritchie. :))
Have a great week end and put up safety measures or consult a health and safety officer of the manufacturer if in doubt.
P.S. I used to work as a Plant manager in a concentrated sulphuric acid plant and next door was our sister company producing chlorine, smiles.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Hi Ritchie,
thank you for your comprehensive review and no there's is no fiction in this write, what you read is all true... The mistakes from not having your mind on the job at hand... And yes I should of had safety practices in place and or wore a mask for vapors... I can assure you I do now!
Thank you so much for coming in and reviewing me, I do appreciate your support... That Terry, is a gem, don't you think?
Have a great weekend, enjoy your family and friends!
Kindest thoughts,
James
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Hi James,
I think you are going to be a great writer. If you are good at writing romantic story, do give it a try. Think of yourself as the hero you always wanted to be but somehow never got the chance. Now you are the son of a very rich tycoon, what will you do? How will you abuse your power on women, money and friends? What will you learn in the end for the only woman that ever meant anything to you and she nearly died trying to save you - how's thta for a story line. A bad guy turned good and all because of one woman he tried not to love in the beginning?
Well, that's my muse. If i could write stories, i would do it, smiles.
Cheerio, and sister Terry - well, she is a darling when it comes to sympathy and empathy for others - she knew only too well after what she had gone through in life. If you haven't read her poem about 'Fifteen years" or some title like that, do check her story out and it is a true story too. I admire her courage and strength, smiles.
Cheerio, have a beautiful weekend.
Best, Ritchie. :))
Comment from MelReyn
Rating of Chapter 2 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 2
I wish I had a six because I would freely give it with no reservation. You are an inspiration yourself. You have such a wonderful spirit about you and a courage that I greatly admire.
I'm so glad that you have found a place/people who encourages you and lifts you up when you needed it the most.
Here's to you, your lovely wife, and to Fanstory. (Takes giant drink of water.)
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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I wish I had a six because I would freely give it with no reservation. You are an inspiration yourself. You have such a wonderful spirit about you and a courage that I greatly admire.
I'm so glad that you have found a place/people who encourages you and lifts you up when you needed it the most.
Here's to you, your lovely wife, and to Fanstory. (Takes giant drink of water.)
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Hi Melissa,
to say I'm grateful for such a wonderful review for this story, would be understated... Just think you are one of those wonderful writer's that helped me escape, helped me to expand and grow... Not only that up until just recently you were the only person on-site that knew what had happened to me... I can only irritate, the feelings of brotherly love I have for you... Your kindness, your encouragement, your mentor-ship and most of all your friendship... You are a gem! And I am so glad this site brought your light into my beam.
Kindest respect and admiration,
James xx
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James... You've left me speechless. I... thank you. You've brought tears to my eyes tonight.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Rating of Chapter 2 - My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 2
Hello James you last part of you story definitely shows what can happen to one like you finding Fanstory. I know it's a site where all of us can spill out our emotions .
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Hello James you last part of you story definitely shows what can happen to one like you finding Fanstory. I know it's a site where all of us can spill out our emotions .
Gert
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Hi Gert,
thanks for the wonderful review... And yes your so right. We are all here for different reasons, but we all have a that thread of connection... To write. This mishap lead me in a new direction, one that I am slightly addicted to it seems... This is indeed a special place with some very special people and writers. Where else would you get to rub shoulders with such talent?
Have great weekend, love to you and yours.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
