Reviews from

Steve's Story-Poems

Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Death of a Dream"
A collection of my poems

62 total reviews 
Comment from kiwijenny
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wetas are awesome/gruesome as far as bugs go ....sorry that your enterprise came to nothing....I loved this tale .....it captivated kiwi me.....
I still get visions of that bug coming for me out of my mason jar.......
God bless

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    Thanks, jenny

    I have actually borrowed someone else's experiences here....

    Hope reading it doesn't revive too many unpleasant memories.

    Steve
Comment from onkughosh19
Excellent
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A wonderful tale told in a poem. Very captivating! It is a long poem but you have managed to rhyme it so well.The title is perfect and the picture suitable.
A humorous write, very well penned.Highly recommended

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    Thanks so much for the kind words.

    Steve
Comment from Stephen Wolff
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I think this is absolutely wonderful! Funny, sad and full of little details which give the story life. Also a nice line in playing with meter and some fun rhymes! I really enjoyed this and I'll bung it in my bookcase!

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    Stephen, thanks so much for the review and the six wonderful stars.

    Steve
Comment from barkingdog
Excellent
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You're at it again with yet another local character telling an amusing story(well not so amusing if you're a weta).

You must think in think in iams. What a wonderful talent.
This is a hoot.

Wonderful phrases in every stanza keep me reading, waiting for the next one.
-There were patches on our patches
-greyish gloop of boiled-up bones and fur.
- creepy-crawly-phobic,
-a roach's nightmare uncle.
-I plodded.I peered and prised and poked and pried; each totara stump I prodded.

When they flooded the house and went up dad's crack and stuck on mother's nickers, I was smiling a grand smile.

Poor boy, he only wanted to make a little honest money. LOL

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    bd, thanks for the high praise and, of course, the six shiny stars.

    Yes, the rolling rhythm seems to come fairly naturally - until I started on FanStory I assumed most people could do this! Now I know many people couldn't tell an iamb if it up and bit them!

    I appreciate the thorough review.

    Steve
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Excellent
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Looks like a cricket to me. But crickets "sing". You do know you've won this contest, right? My goodness, this is a funny story. Great work, Steve. You deserve a six I just don't have. :D Nancy

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    Thanks, Nancy - about twice the size of any cricket that I've seen. We have those here too - they are a big nuisance in pasture....

    As for winning, I've counted my chickens twice already in the last few weeks and ended up the bridesmaid on both occasions (plus one where I didn't even get invited to the wedding!)

    Steve
reply by N.K. Wagner on 28-Sep-2013
    Well...I'm entered, and I'd vote for yours...if I was allowed to vote...which I'm not. Without question, it's the best I've read. But who knows what the Committee will do. :) nancy
Comment from Cookie333
Excellent
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I think I see a winner here my friend. A painful lesson no doubt. I was enchanted with this one from the start, well done
Thank you for sharing this
Karen

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    Thanks, Karen = I appreciate the vote of confidence but I've counted my chickens twice already in the last few weeks and ended up the bridesmaid on both occasions (plus one where I didn't even get invited to the wedding!)

    Steve
Comment from Bjack
Excellent
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I travelled with you through the work and took the cultural references personally, a weta is a fearsome,formidable creature; yet I enjoyed the ample charm the weta now has in my view. There is natural flow to the work that is wholly supported by structure, delivering a sequenced storyline. Thanks very much.

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    BJ thanks for the generous review and rating and BYW welcome to FanStory - we need more kiwis on here!

    Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Okay, you win. (This'll make up for the America's Cup)

Not much more to say, Steve, other than I'm still
chuckling over the tsunami. This is both terrific and ambitious, Steve. Plus, I now know what a roach's ungly uncle looks like.

Good luck with the Committee.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    Committee, what committee?

    Thanks for the sixer.

    Steve
Comment from tfawcus
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Banjo Patterson would be proud of you! A bush ballad at its best! The rhythm, the humour, the colloquial language - you've got it all. Weta gravy had me going! This one should surely be a winner!

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    Thank you - I even managed to sneak in a line from 'The Man From Snowy River' and no one's picked up on it yet.....

    Steve
Comment from theBronxExpress
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

It just doesn't get any better. Smooth, throughout. Never seeming forced or contrived, and, of course highly humorous. I laughed from the get go and continued to the end. Weta more is there to say? Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2013


reply by the author on 28-Sep-2013
    Thanks so much for the kind review and the generous helping of stars!

    Steve