Another sonnet - Aussie Style
The iambic pentameter conquered!42 total reviews
Comment from S.Yocom
You gave me a big laugh with this one, ffawcus. It's true that the rhymes aren't perfect, but the meter is. Thanks for writing something that isn't serious. I needed that.
Sally
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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You gave me a big laugh with this one, ffawcus. It's true that the rhymes aren't perfect, but the meter is. Thanks for writing something that isn't serious. I needed that.
Sally
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review!
Comment from words
Having not mastered either rhyme or meter myself, I got a great good laugh out of this one.
What a delightful post.
I thoroughly enjoyed all o your Aussie vernacular.
Hugs, d
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Having not mastered either rhyme or meter myself, I got a great good laugh out of this one.
What a delightful post.
I thoroughly enjoyed all o your Aussie vernacular.
Hugs, d
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review!
Comment from Debra White
LOL! I enjoyed this aussie style sonnet as much as yours and Geoff's first one!
Your author notes are almost as enjoyable as the poem ;)
I pronounce laugh as laff anyway, so no problems there.
You certainly have a handle on the iambic pentameter and am sure you'll have no grumbles...;)
Great sense of humour, thanks for the laughs.
Really enjoyable, kindest regards, Debra :)
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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LOL! I enjoyed this aussie style sonnet as much as yours and Geoff's first one!
Your author notes are almost as enjoyable as the poem ;)
I pronounce laugh as laff anyway, so no problems there.
You certainly have a handle on the iambic pentameter and am sure you'll have no grumbles...;)
Great sense of humour, thanks for the laughs.
Really enjoyable, kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review!
Comment from WN BUCHAN
Ripper mate! here's your six pack. If it makes anyone crook that's their problem. Bring Geoff with you, does he like Guinness? Regards Nigel.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Ripper mate! here's your six pack. If it makes anyone crook that's their problem. Bring Geoff with you, does he like Guinness? Regards Nigel.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review and the six stars! Much appreciated!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is very amusing! The meter seems to be spot on and the rhyme isn't that bad. I love it. I love all the crazy words you Aussies use. I see nothing to change in this poem it is delightful. Well galah and star is all wrong but doesn't see to take away from the sonnet. Good job. Nancy
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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This is very amusing! The meter seems to be spot on and the rhyme isn't that bad. I love it. I love all the crazy words you Aussies use. I see nothing to change in this poem it is delightful. Well galah and star is all wrong but doesn't see to take away from the sonnet. Good job. Nancy
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review! I think I'll need to add another author note. In Australia 'galah' is pronounced with the stress on the second syllable. A short 'ga-' followed by a long 'laar' -making it a pretty good rhyme for 'star' I thought!
Comment from Rondeno
Great fun, fellas. And you showed that iambic pentameter who's boss. What's your next one going to be about? "Cousin Ted in the Shearing Shed"?
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Great fun, fellas. And you showed that iambic pentameter who's boss. What's your next one going to be about? "Cousin Ted in the Shearing Shed"?
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review and the six stars! Much appreciated! Maybe! Depends how and where the muse hits us!
Comment from weemick1960
Six months in Australia and your an Aussie. My God, they've even got the dogs on the amber fluid. I really enjoyed this. I Like the traditional sonnet, yes, but it is so refreshing to get one with humor. The Aussie version has went down a treat. I liked the flow of this one and the rhyme. The deliberate mistake was a nice touch too. Sometimes things can get a little to serious. This piece was a breath of spring...MIKE.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Six months in Australia and your an Aussie. My God, they've even got the dogs on the amber fluid. I really enjoyed this. I Like the traditional sonnet, yes, but it is so refreshing to get one with humor. The Aussie version has went down a treat. I liked the flow of this one and the rhyme. The deliberate mistake was a nice touch too. Sometimes things can get a little to serious. This piece was a breath of spring...MIKE.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review! A bit more than 6 months in my case - more like 35 years!
Comment from Tessa Kay
your poems always make me laugh. So many write about the majestic things in life, you just write about getting a poem done.
Thanks for the Aussie language lesson in your author's notes. There's always something else to learn..
It's so nicely tongue-in-cheek with a little stab at the critiquers (just a little one, 'cause we do appreciate them). Thanks for your poem.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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your poems always make me laugh. So many write about the majestic things in life, you just write about getting a poem done.
Thanks for the Aussie language lesson in your author's notes. There's always something else to learn..
It's so nicely tongue-in-cheek with a little stab at the critiquers (just a little one, 'cause we do appreciate them). Thanks for your poem.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Thanks Tessa. It was fun to write and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Sagnik Das
Indeed, much better than your previous one (for which, if you shall recount, I had written an elaborate review). The humor remains unabated; & so does the meter. But the weakness in rhyming still persists. As you can easily apprehend, a Sonnet - being an immensely challenging format - requires the rhymes to be as perfect as possible (& not merely proximate)...
"galah" & "star", as I observe, are not even slant rhymes ; they are 'proximate' (a trait most undesirable for a Sonnet to have).
Just consider how brilliantly you have improvised the first stanza in this regard -- there the rhymes are impeccable ('form' & 'norm' being complete rhymes).
I suggest you find suitable alternatives, or rework the prescribed rhymes ...
As for the rest of the Sonnet, it is ONE OF A KIND.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Indeed, much better than your previous one (for which, if you shall recount, I had written an elaborate review). The humor remains unabated; & so does the meter. But the weakness in rhyming still persists. As you can easily apprehend, a Sonnet - being an immensely challenging format - requires the rhymes to be as perfect as possible (& not merely proximate)...
"galah" & "star", as I observe, are not even slant rhymes ; they are 'proximate' (a trait most undesirable for a Sonnet to have).
Just consider how brilliantly you have improvised the first stanza in this regard -- there the rhymes are impeccable ('form' & 'norm' being complete rhymes).
I suggest you find suitable alternatives, or rework the prescribed rhymes ...
As for the rest of the Sonnet, it is ONE OF A KIND.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Thanks again for another exhaustive review. I have to differ in respect of 'galah' and 'star' The accented syllable in 'galah' is the second one and it sounds like 'lar' - a perfect rhyme, I think, for 'star'. The deliberate mis-rhyming of 'gaff' and 'laugh' is for the sake of the humour in the final stanza (which would be a bit pointless if all the rhymes were correct!)
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I see ... so you are rhyming in terms of phonetic transcription (which emphasizes more on the accent rather than the actual word)...
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I'm rhyming on the basis of what a word sounds like, not on what it looks like.
Otherwise I might as well start rhyming words like 'bough' and 'rough' and 'trough'
Comment from Louise Michelle
First of all, I think you should categorize this under humor because it is filled with wit and fun. Secondly, don't people who have a problem with near rhymes get on your nerves? Through Brooke I learned that famous poets purposely used them to break the monotony. And forced rhymes are ... well .... you know. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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First of all, I think you should categorize this under humor because it is filled with wit and fun. Secondly, don't people who have a problem with near rhymes get on your nerves? Through Brooke I learned that famous poets purposely used them to break the monotony. And forced rhymes are ... well .... you know. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 23-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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You are quite right! I had meant to categorise this under humour but quite forgot to tick the box. Shall do so immediately. The false rhyme can be a masterly stroke if it is done with malice aforethought.
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Please don't call it false rhyme - reinforces negativity. Proximate or near rhyme
