Pale Sisters
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Free for Awhile"Science fiction.
6 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Poor Diana - set up and arrested.
No one is safe from the Magfas.
came Amanda directly - this sounds strange, Bill - perhaps - came Amanda's direct reply
Getting in(,) she opened the envelope - comma
came a knock on the door. Opening the door - as you've already told the reader there was a knock on the door - Opening IT, --- would sit better.
Margaret
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Poor Diana - set up and arrested.
No one is safe from the Magfas.
came Amanda directly - this sounds strange, Bill - perhaps - came Amanda's direct reply
Getting in(,) she opened the envelope - comma
came a knock on the door. Opening the door - as you've already told the reader there was a knock on the door - Opening IT, --- would sit better.
Margaret
Comment Written 18-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Thank you, Margaret, for the positive review and the helpful editing. Bill
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Oh, poor Diana. Can Victor's son help her by way of Vic's influence perhaps? Those people are ruthless monsters. Surely there is anotehr way to handle things. No respect at all for human life.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Oh, poor Diana. Can Victor's son help her by way of Vic's influence perhaps? Those people are ruthless monsters. Surely there is anotehr way to handle things. No respect at all for human life.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Thank you, Phyllis, for getting into the story.
Comment from lindalcreel
That Amanda is a real piece of work and needs to be stopped. I hope when she finally gets what's due, it comes from her sister Sonia because she has ruined her life. What is it with the babies. Can't Amanda have children of her own, that she has to steal others. Let's hope someone will rescue those little ones and finally show her some justice. Great read. You got my heart pumping and that's always a good sign.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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That Amanda is a real piece of work and needs to be stopped. I hope when she finally gets what's due, it comes from her sister Sonia because she has ruined her life. What is it with the babies. Can't Amanda have children of her own, that she has to steal others. Let's hope someone will rescue those little ones and finally show her some justice. Great read. You got my heart pumping and that's always a good sign.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you, Linda, for the nice review. The next installment I'll try to remember to include a cast of characters and what's going on.
Comment from amandawrites
Had I been following the story it may have ranked higher. I'm not sure this is a stand alone piece. I didn't feel anything while reading it. There wasn't anything in this particular scene that made me invest in any character. I imagine it is a great plott twist though!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Had I been following the story it may have ranked higher. I'm not sure this is a stand alone piece. I didn't feel anything while reading it. There wasn't anything in this particular scene that made me invest in any character. I imagine it is a great plott twist though!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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You're a tough customer, Amanda. I guess I'd better keep a better update so you won't have to judge a novel by the one page you read. Here goes: Sophia Pale is raped and her husband murdered. She becomes pregnant and moves in with her aunt, Amanda. One year later she is kidnapped by the same men again; raped in a bizarre ritual, and then arrested for murder. She is sent to prison and has another child. Amanda, meanwhile, has adopted Sophia's children, Virgo and Libra. Sophia meets Diana in prison. Sophia and Diana are raped again in a similar ritual (which involves a human sacrifice and a group insemination). Sophia meets Linda of the Kolk (a spirit race without bodies who use hosts to get around) and learns some things. Amanda heads to the prison to deal with Sophia and Linda. Diana and Linda leave prison in different ways. Sophia leaves her body and joins the Kolk. Linda escapes from a hospital and later leaves her body to enter that of Amanda Lee's nurse, giving the Kolk access to the Magfas and the Pale Sisters. Amanda eliminates most of the rape squad except Olan Rawls who escapes. Diana gives birth to the third child, Cancer, to complete the Triad Queens of the Magfas. Now Amanda and the Magfas have the Pale Sisters, the Kolk is entrenched in the center of the Magfas in the host body of Emily Pollar, Diana is back in prison to be murdered, and Sheriff Olan Rawls, a former Magfas member, is out for revenge against Amanda Pale. Welcome to THE PALE SISTERS. Happy days! Bill
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I understand that this was a piece in a greater work, it all sounds very interning. I was only mentioning that as a reader if you submit a chapter or scene, though a new reader may not understand the happenings, it can still speak to the reader and convey more emotion. You can't expect every reviewer to go to chapter one and get the whole picture before submitting their opinion. If a piece is submitted I feel it should be able to be read and enjoyed as a single piece of the puzzle without having to see what's already been done. It could have been amazing all by itself if there had been more there to connect to. I may just begin your book from the beginning. Reviews are personal. Someone else may read it and rave. Have a great day! I
Comment from Dean Kuch
So...Diana, booted from Amanda Pale's estate, is given five grand, then told to go to an address uptown, and she does it? After what this girl's been through? This is the part in the horror movie when I shout out loud in the theater at the screen, ( much to the chagrin of the other paying guests...)"Don't do it, you bimbo! Don't you realize that they're setting you up to take a fall?" About this time, I am bombarded with raisinettes, and pelted with popcorn. Thank heavens no one can do that to me on Fanstory! I have too many t-shirts with butter stains on them as it is!
Sorry, Bill, but I just think this Diana character is an idiot to the nth degree. Ah well, horror is, as horror does...
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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So...Diana, booted from Amanda Pale's estate, is given five grand, then told to go to an address uptown, and she does it? After what this girl's been through? This is the part in the horror movie when I shout out loud in the theater at the screen, ( much to the chagrin of the other paying guests...)"Don't do it, you bimbo! Don't you realize that they're setting you up to take a fall?" About this time, I am bombarded with raisinettes, and pelted with popcorn. Thank heavens no one can do that to me on Fanstory! I have too many t-shirts with butter stains on them as it is!
Sorry, Bill, but I just think this Diana character is an idiot to the nth degree. Ah well, horror is, as horror does...
Comment Written 15-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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Thank you for taking a look at this, Dean. There's unfinished business at the prison.
Comment from Gungalo
Well that wasn't too swift was it? Under arrest for the murder of Bobby Nell. She was shure as shootin' set up but by who?
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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Well that wasn't too swift was it? Under arrest for the murder of Bobby Nell. She was shure as shootin' set up but by who?
Comment Written 15-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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Earlier in the story, Amanda murdered Bobby Nell and left evidence pointing to Diana. Thank you for reviewing. Bill
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Ah but she is not the guilty party.
