The Ballad of Mint Julep
A Country Song44 total reviews
Comment from DALLAS01
This behavior rings so familiar. I had a cat that would not even allow anyone to sit on the sofa next to me. They can be very possessive and protective. Like the twist in this and that she is indeed true to you. This would be awesome put to music.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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This behavior rings so familiar. I had a cat that would not even allow anyone to sit on the sofa next to me. They can be very possessive and protective. Like the twist in this and that she is indeed true to you. This would be awesome put to music.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for your time and the stars!
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You're welcome.
Comment from w.j.debi
Creative and humorous. Nice cadence to your meter and the rhymes are fun. Dog ends up being man's best friend after all. I like the way it is,
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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Creative and humorous. Nice cadence to your meter and the rhymes are fun. Dog ends up being man's best friend after all. I like the way it is,
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for your time and the stars!
Comment from elchupakabra
It definitely is very rough to say the least. What is most perplexing is that in the end, though I get that she was cheating on you, you still stole her dog. Even if the dog went willingly, it's still dog-napping lol. When she realized the dog was gone did she not put two and two together and even attempt to get the dog back? People like me won't be able to just accept that you stole her dog and everything turned out okay lol. I would suggest some breaks in the linework into stanzas to help improve aesthetic readability, and since you know yourself the piece is rough I will let you make your own revisions before I start offering corrections, though I would suggest finding a different word than and to start your lines, it appears four times in the second half of the piece. Good work overall, it's still a good idea that needs smoothing out. Thanks for sharing.
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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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It definitely is very rough to say the least. What is most perplexing is that in the end, though I get that she was cheating on you, you still stole her dog. Even if the dog went willingly, it's still dog-napping lol. When she realized the dog was gone did she not put two and two together and even attempt to get the dog back? People like me won't be able to just accept that you stole her dog and everything turned out okay lol. I would suggest some breaks in the linework into stanzas to help improve aesthetic readability, and since you know yourself the piece is rough I will let you make your own revisions before I start offering corrections, though I would suggest finding a different word than and to start your lines, it appears four times in the second half of the piece. Good work overall, it's still a good idea that needs smoothing out. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your time and ideas. Much appreciated!
Comment from Louise Michelle
This definitely reads like a good country/western song. In fact I had a bit of a tune running through my head as I read. Love the funny ending! Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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This definitely reads like a good country/western song. In fact I had a bit of a tune running through my head as I read. Love the funny ending! Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your time and stars. Say hi to the plumber for me to! :)
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is a skillfully-written, well-plotted narrative poem/song. The storyline is moving and enjoyable--then sad--then happy again! I love the end.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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This is a skillfully-written, well-plotted narrative poem/song. The storyline is moving and enjoyable--then sad--then happy again! I love the end.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you, Janice.
Comment from Jean Cormier
Oh, how lovely! I know nothing of writing, but again, know what I like and this is delightful. Yes, a great country song in the making! I am honored you chose my art! Jean
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Oh, how lovely! I know nothing of writing, but again, know what I like and this is delightful. Yes, a great country song in the making! I am honored you chose my art! Jean
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Jean, the lovely reviews I'm getting are due in part to your art. Thank you thank you thank you!!!
Comment from Cookie333
Fantabulous! Stupendous! Utterly refreshing. I can hear the tune for this one my friend. I am a sucker for all things animal, and you have captured the essence of a dog's keen sense. Whoa, please know that if I had not squandered all those valued crosses, you would have many for this one.
thank you so very much,
karen
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Fantabulous! Stupendous! Utterly refreshing. I can hear the tune for this one my friend. I am a sucker for all things animal, and you have captured the essence of a dog's keen sense. Whoa, please know that if I had not squandered all those valued crosses, you would have many for this one.
thank you so very much,
karen
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your kind words (more valuable than crosses by far).
Comment from ravenblack
Dogs are great protectors of our physical selves and at times of our spirit. You tell the story well with good rhythm and rhyme. Look over it again. You have many lines end-stopped with periods that are not needed. Also think you should split it into stanzas.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Dogs are great protectors of our physical selves and at times of our spirit. You tell the story well with good rhythm and rhyme. Look over it again. You have many lines end-stopped with periods that are not needed. Also think you should split it into stanzas.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thanks for your time and stars. I took your advice on the punctuation. Much appreciated.
Comment from linkz
Love this, so much more than a poem. Great rhyming lines, great story-telling, and a great name for a dog. I really enjoyed the thought of it being turned into a song too. really enjoyable work.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Love this, so much more than a poem. Great rhyming lines, great story-telling, and a great name for a dog. I really enjoyed the thought of it being turned into a song too. really enjoyable work.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thanks for the stars and kind words.
Comment from RGstar
Ohhh, what a great , piece of writing. I had to read down a couple of lines as at first thought you were personalizing the dog. It soon became clear who was who, and what was what.
It was so nicely written, that one thought maybe the poem would reveal you and the dog friends in the end.
None was prepared for the cheating part. So good the incorporation of it. The twist came as a beautiful shock which would make all hearts of hearts sad.
Did not expect that at all. I tried not to peek, to see if it was a true story. I have just peeked.
One cardinal error on this masterpiece....which you can never allow when writing story or poem. You allowed it to all run out at the end.
It was so beautifully constructed. Rhyming effortlessly and in rhythm, then suddenly at the point where you should be strongest, to leave a lasting legacy.....you stopped he rhythm and rhyming and upset the flow completely.
'' I'll always treat her with a bone
I"ll take her for a walk
I"ll rub her belly, we'll play fetch
She can chew my sock. ''
From there, you single highhandedly hammer on your beautiful work.
This piece is easily worth a seven, for content and imaginative writing surrounding a true story. But how you managed to conclude like that, threw me off balance with regret and sadness.
Now please for the sake of the work, even if you are determined to keep it this way...get in and change it for the pleasure o those who will read after me.
Your conclusion should be the strongest part of the work. That is where we say Oooh,Ahhh, or Nooooo.
Now. Please get in and change it to a , Wowww.
Finish the way you started. It will make a difference with this one.
Its a beauty.
RGstar
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Ohhh, what a great , piece of writing. I had to read down a couple of lines as at first thought you were personalizing the dog. It soon became clear who was who, and what was what.
It was so nicely written, that one thought maybe the poem would reveal you and the dog friends in the end.
None was prepared for the cheating part. So good the incorporation of it. The twist came as a beautiful shock which would make all hearts of hearts sad.
Did not expect that at all. I tried not to peek, to see if it was a true story. I have just peeked.
One cardinal error on this masterpiece....which you can never allow when writing story or poem. You allowed it to all run out at the end.
It was so beautifully constructed. Rhyming effortlessly and in rhythm, then suddenly at the point where you should be strongest, to leave a lasting legacy.....you stopped he rhythm and rhyming and upset the flow completely.
'' I'll always treat her with a bone
I"ll take her for a walk
I"ll rub her belly, we'll play fetch
She can chew my sock. ''
From there, you single highhandedly hammer on your beautiful work.
This piece is easily worth a seven, for content and imaginative writing surrounding a true story. But how you managed to conclude like that, threw me off balance with regret and sadness.
Now please for the sake of the work, even if you are determined to keep it this way...get in and change it for the pleasure o those who will read after me.
Your conclusion should be the strongest part of the work. That is where we say Oooh,Ahhh, or Nooooo.
Now. Please get in and change it to a , Wowww.
Finish the way you started. It will make a difference with this one.
Its a beauty.
RGstar
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much for your advice. I took it and changed the ending. If you get a chance please tell me what you think. The most helpful review that I have had.
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My pleasure. I will take a look
