The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Other Side Of War"Love Among the Thorns
39 total reviews
Comment from alexgeorge
I don't know how, but I missed this one before.
The description of the soldier having his leg cut off was gruesome.
There's nothing, nothing more gruesome, horrid than war, and you've revealed this fact very masterfully in this piece, amahra.
Well, forgiveness for Nathan at last.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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I don't know how, but I missed this one before.
The description of the soldier having his leg cut off was gruesome.
There's nothing, nothing more gruesome, horrid than war, and you've revealed this fact very masterfully in this piece, amahra.
Well, forgiveness for Nathan at last.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Thank you alexgeorge for checking out the previous chapter. I really appreciate it.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
"...she had to attend (to), or she...
"...on the ranches,(OMIT 'the' wherever possible) children..
"...raised her eyebrows AND braced herself.
"...were stunning in their beauty (quite stunningly beautiful.
Piece captures the essence of the hospital ward, the patients and the nurses who look after them. As to the tension between Grace and Nathan...who knows id love or hate will win. The poem at the end entices the imagination.
No SPAG or POV infractions to be concerned about despite the former suggestions.
Regards:
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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"...she had to attend (to), or she...
"...on the ranches,(OMIT 'the' wherever possible) children..
"...raised her eyebrows AND braced herself.
"...were stunning in their beauty (quite stunningly beautiful.
Piece captures the essence of the hospital ward, the patients and the nurses who look after them. As to the tension between Grace and Nathan...who knows id love or hate will win. The poem at the end entices the imagination.
No SPAG or POV infractions to be concerned about despite the former suggestions.
Regards:
Comment Written 14-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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thank you carter.
Comment from garrymc5
A long entry!
Suggest:
'Grace Nevers was an excellent nurse. However, she paid little or no attention to Nathan Daniels. Eit...'
Why say she is an excellent nurse when you simply move to 'However'. Chuck it out, or extend it (and only if it is important to the story).
'He remembered the innocence of the times before the war: he saw horses grazing in the wild and...' Don't tell us 'the innocence of the times before the war' It show shall show when you describe his memories.
I was surprised to find it was 1918. I expected 1945. There is no sign in this bit that suggests the correct times. Might be a good addition.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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A long entry!
Suggest:
'Grace Nevers was an excellent nurse. However, she paid little or no attention to Nathan Daniels. Eit...'
Why say she is an excellent nurse when you simply move to 'However'. Chuck it out, or extend it (and only if it is important to the story).
'He remembered the innocence of the times before the war: he saw horses grazing in the wild and...' Don't tell us 'the innocence of the times before the war' It show shall show when you describe his memories.
I was surprised to find it was 1918. I expected 1945. There is no sign in this bit that suggests the correct times. Might be a good addition.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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I'm surprised you can't read. 1945? there were no animals used in war past 1918. In WW2 they exclusively used tanks.
Comment from shortwerks
Very nice story. I found the characters believable and the dialogue true.
The reason for choosing 4 instead of 5 stars comes down to two points, one of which bothered me quite a bit.
First, I can't quite buy the analogy in your opening stanza of Grace as the "wound up doll". Both the choice of image itself, the use of wound instead of wind and the adjective "ceramic" seem off to me. Put them all together and you lost me.
I shook it off, though, and enjoyed the rest of the story.
The other thing (and this is the big one for me) is your use of the ellipsis over and over. I don't see that it's called for and even if it is grammatically correct, it becomes annoying and I don't understand what you are trying to convey by doing it so often, especially within the same stanzas.
Thanks again for the story and I hope my comments will prove helpful to you. Peace.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Very nice story. I found the characters believable and the dialogue true.
The reason for choosing 4 instead of 5 stars comes down to two points, one of which bothered me quite a bit.
First, I can't quite buy the analogy in your opening stanza of Grace as the "wound up doll". Both the choice of image itself, the use of wound instead of wind and the adjective "ceramic" seem off to me. Put them all together and you lost me.
I shook it off, though, and enjoyed the rest of the story.
The other thing (and this is the big one for me) is your use of the ellipsis over and over. I don't see that it's called for and even if it is grammatically correct, it becomes annoying and I don't understand what you are trying to convey by doing it so often, especially within the same stanzas.
Thanks again for the story and I hope my comments will prove helpful to you. Peace.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thanks for stopping by.
Comment from Darkhorse555
THERE IS SO MANY DIFFERENT SIDES IN WARS NONE OF US EVER GET TO SEE THE FULL STORY READING YOUR PIECE WAS AN EXCELLENT PIECE OF WRITING THANK YOU I ENJOYED
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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THERE IS SO MANY DIFFERENT SIDES IN WARS NONE OF US EVER GET TO SEE THE FULL STORY READING YOUR PIECE WAS AN EXCELLENT PIECE OF WRITING THANK YOU I ENJOYED
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much.
Comment from michaelcahill
my first introduction to this work. having no previous knowledge I am quickly drawn in and interested in the relationship between Nathan and Grace. I am curious to know how grievous Nathans violation of Grace was. she seems suitably reticent to forgive. it makes for an interesting interplay with her devotion to her duties and reluctance to interact with this particular patient. the atmosphere is well portrayed and the attention to detail appreciated. I noticed a suggestion to change interlaced his fingers to locked his fingers and don't agree. interlace is a little more gentle and subtle whereas locked is deliberate and almost defiant which I don't think fits. just a thought. really enjoyed this story quite a bit. will try to catch up and be better prepared for more. well done. mike
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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my first introduction to this work. having no previous knowledge I am quickly drawn in and interested in the relationship between Nathan and Grace. I am curious to know how grievous Nathans violation of Grace was. she seems suitably reticent to forgive. it makes for an interesting interplay with her devotion to her duties and reluctance to interact with this particular patient. the atmosphere is well portrayed and the attention to detail appreciated. I noticed a suggestion to change interlaced his fingers to locked his fingers and don't agree. interlace is a little more gentle and subtle whereas locked is deliberate and almost defiant which I don't think fits. just a thought. really enjoyed this story quite a bit. will try to catch up and be better prepared for more. well done. mike
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your very thorough examination of my chapter. I really do take your review to heart. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter and is willing to invest time to read more.
Comment from adewpearl
grim and compelling descriptive detail of the hospital and the conditions there, like when the man's gangrenous foot is amputated
good dialogue that effectively conveys strong emotions
I like the development of the relationship between Grace and Nathan
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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grim and compelling descriptive detail of the hospital and the conditions there, like when the man's gangrenous foot is amputated
good dialogue that effectively conveys strong emotions
I like the development of the relationship between Grace and Nathan
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 12-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you Brook.
Comment from Zinnia48
Interesting story although I can't imagine a nurse continuing to take care of a patient who molested her. Ofcourse those were different times. . The dialogue was quite natural and each character had a clearly individual voice. caroline
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Interesting story although I can't imagine a nurse continuing to take care of a patient who molested her. Ofcourse those were different times. . The dialogue was quite natural and each character had a clearly individual voice. caroline
Comment Written 12-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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thank you Zinnia48.
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I should have said, thank you caroline.
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Looking forward to reading more of your work! Caroline
Comment from Selina Stambi
Dear Harriett,
I really enjoyed this read. I missed the last chapter - I'm sorry that Nathan had a slip up!
I'm wondering what's going to happen to this romantic diversion with a wifey at home!!
You really kept me engaged, my friend. I could picture the goings on in that hospital.
xxx
Sonali :)
p.s. I think you've missed a few commas. Perhaps a re-read would reveal where ... :)
a piece of undergarment donated by one of the flirting nurses.... oh, this is priceless! :) :)
. They were all teeth... great line!
Spags:
The finish(ed) products were quite stunningly beautiful.
him from time to time (no hyphens required)
her starch(ed) whites
fingers overlapping behind his head, ... suggest: ... his fingers locked behind his head
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Dear Harriett,
I really enjoyed this read. I missed the last chapter - I'm sorry that Nathan had a slip up!
I'm wondering what's going to happen to this romantic diversion with a wifey at home!!
You really kept me engaged, my friend. I could picture the goings on in that hospital.
xxx
Sonali :)
p.s. I think you've missed a few commas. Perhaps a re-read would reveal where ... :)
a piece of undergarment donated by one of the flirting nurses.... oh, this is priceless! :) :)
. They were all teeth... great line!
Spags:
The finish(ed) products were quite stunningly beautiful.
him from time to time (no hyphens required)
her starch(ed) whites
fingers overlapping behind his head, ... suggest: ... his fingers locked behind his head
Comment Written 12-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for your thorough review. I will make corrections.
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Oh, btw, he and Eva are not married.
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oops - POOR Eva!
Comment from Norbanus
This is an interesting story with excellent dialogue. It is well written and I saw no opportunities for improvement. An interesting twist on the usual war stories.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2013
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This is an interesting story with excellent dialogue. It is well written and I saw no opportunities for improvement. An interesting twist on the usual war stories.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2013
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Thank you Norbanus.
