A Picture's Worth a Thousand Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "~Clowns in my Head~"A compilation of pictapoems from my portfolio
52 total reviews
Comment from Treischel
Your works are always exquisitely entertaining, well polished, and expertly composed. This one is no exception. Eerie tale that conveys a little boy's fears. In the closet, or under the bed, scary things lurk. Your aabb rhymed quatrains bring poetic imagery that smoothly tells the tale.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
  |
Your works are always exquisitely entertaining, well polished, and expertly composed. This one is no exception. Eerie tale that conveys a little boy's fears. In the closet, or under the bed, scary things lurk. Your aabb rhymed quatrains bring poetic imagery that smoothly tells the tale.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
-
Thanks very much, Treischel. I am very glad that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Dean, this is just fabulous, yet again. I truly hesitate to offer any critique, especially in light of my careless remark about music because it set you off to find a solution to something that is NOT a problem! LOL.
But, I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the exceptional poetry you scribe and the outstanding presentation would benefit from a bit of tweaking of the meter - HOWEVER - please, please, please - I am no expert, just another poet, and NOT formally trained in iambic, enjambment, etc. (It's just my 'ear' I rely on).
I will give an example, and try to explain - I am not saying you should count syllables, (though it can help somewhat, sometimes). First stanza: line one -11 syllables, line two - same, line three - 12, line four - 11. Now, here's the change I would make - and it is NOT syllables - line 2 - 'Look! There's another one under my bed...' It's the emphasis ON the syllable that makes the cadence roll off the tongue. Am I making any sense? As I say, my training is not formal - Brooke (adewpearl) is the best I know in this way. Your conception is simple genius, in my opinion, as is your presentation - the only nit is meter. I am NOT qualified to be trying to help a poet as good as you are, but with a little help from Brooke I think you would be unstoppable - simply brilliant, maybe one of the very best of our times.
I sure hope I haven't offended you in any way - I honestly think you have a great, great talent - I swear, I wish I could sit and talk with you, recite aloud, because I just can't explain what I mean well enough in writing - I don't have the words (the training).
Regardless, this is still a marvelous poem, and you've entertained me so wonderfully with it. I use my local library, but your work I would pay to read.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
|
Dean, this is just fabulous, yet again. I truly hesitate to offer any critique, especially in light of my careless remark about music because it set you off to find a solution to something that is NOT a problem! LOL.
But, I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the exceptional poetry you scribe and the outstanding presentation would benefit from a bit of tweaking of the meter - HOWEVER - please, please, please - I am no expert, just another poet, and NOT formally trained in iambic, enjambment, etc. (It's just my 'ear' I rely on).
I will give an example, and try to explain - I am not saying you should count syllables, (though it can help somewhat, sometimes). First stanza: line one -11 syllables, line two - same, line three - 12, line four - 11. Now, here's the change I would make - and it is NOT syllables - line 2 - 'Look! There's another one under my bed...' It's the emphasis ON the syllable that makes the cadence roll off the tongue. Am I making any sense? As I say, my training is not formal - Brooke (adewpearl) is the best I know in this way. Your conception is simple genius, in my opinion, as is your presentation - the only nit is meter. I am NOT qualified to be trying to help a poet as good as you are, but with a little help from Brooke I think you would be unstoppable - simply brilliant, maybe one of the very best of our times.
I sure hope I haven't offended you in any way - I honestly think you have a great, great talent - I swear, I wish I could sit and talk with you, recite aloud, because I just can't explain what I mean well enough in writing - I don't have the words (the training).
Regardless, this is still a marvelous poem, and you've entertained me so wonderfully with it. I use my local library, but your work I would pay to read.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
-
Oh, no, I am not easily offended, Dawn. In fact, if I quit listening to everyone who has an opinion and reads my work, then, why keep writing? And you're every bit as qualified a poet as any of us are to make suggestions you feel could help. I appreciate such comments, in fact. I too go by sound, how it sounds when read aloud, to be more specific. I'll have another look at it, and I appreciate the review as well as your suggestions.
Comment from tbacha58
I swear you are something else, I screamed before reading it, the clown nose was hitting my face, how do you do that, to approach it , that is unbelievable, you are a magician, I think I am going to dream tonite.
Now really, I enjoyed getting myself scared. Well done. Terry xx
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
|
I swear you are something else, I screamed before reading it, the clown nose was hitting my face, how do you do that, to approach it , that is unbelievable, you are a magician, I think I am going to dream tonite.
Now really, I enjoyed getting myself scared. Well done. Terry xx
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
-
Thanks very much, Terry. I truly appreciate it!
Comment from marijmd
I probably seeing your title should not have clicked on it. I tried to read - but have an natural fear of clowns that forced me to look away.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
|
I probably seeing your title should not have clicked on it. I tried to read - but have an natural fear of clowns that forced me to look away.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
-
Yeah, a lot of people do, maijmd. I was terrified of them as a little kid. I still am, but I often write about the things I fear the most. That's how I learn to face my fears, and to deal with them.
Thanks for (trying) the review...
Comment from Twilightspire
Okay. I had to change my shorts, thank you very much. I never understood the fear of clowns, until now. This absolutely terrified me. Every word choice drug out the insanity and made me shiver. Phenomenal job. I don't get scared often. Congrats.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
|
Okay. I had to change my shorts, thank you very much. I never understood the fear of clowns, until now. This absolutely terrified me. Every word choice drug out the insanity and made me shiver. Phenomenal job. I don't get scared often. Congrats.
-T.J.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
-
Thanks, TJ, I appreciate that. There's no greater compliment to a writer of dark poetry and prose than that, my friend. If it scared YOU, then I feel I've accomplished something...
Comment from ravenblack
So now you are part of the Insane Clown Posse. Either that, or they parked a clown car under the poor tyke' s bed. Chilling horror parade- just how do they get those cloven hooves in clown shoes? Liked how you ended it, the kid joining in on the Insane, rabid hilarity.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
|
So now you are part of the Insane Clown Posse. Either that, or they parked a clown car under the poor tyke' s bed. Chilling horror parade- just how do they get those cloven hooves in clown shoes? Liked how you ended it, the kid joining in on the Insane, rabid hilarity.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
-
Hah, thanks for the funny review ravenblack, I appreciate it, my friend!
Comment from Iese
Okay I know I am going to be dreaming about clowns tonight. The poem was awesome perfect with the music and for a scary movie. Love the flow. Also enjoyed reading. Bravo Dean
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
|
Okay I know I am going to be dreaming about clowns tonight. The poem was awesome perfect with the music and for a scary movie. Love the flow. Also enjoyed reading. Bravo Dean
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
-
Thanks, lese. To a writer of dark poetry and prose, nightmares are the greatest compliment of all, heh heh...
I appreciate your fantastic review!
Comment from vapros
From my vantage point, all these macabre jesters are pretty entertaining, but it would look very different if I were seven years old. All the terrors you have enumerated would be very real. You have written this very well. I enjoyed it.
v
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
|
From my vantage point, all these macabre jesters are pretty entertaining, but it would look very different if I were seven years old. All the terrors you have enumerated would be very real. You have written this very well. I enjoyed it.
v
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
-
Thanks very much, vapros. Yes, to a young child, this type of poem would be horrifying. It is to some adults, I've found...
Thanks for the wonderful review.
Comment from allborn66
I really don't like clowns - I find them creepy. This is a very interesting poem. I like the floe. You expressed your theme well. The picture is a great choice.
Barbara
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
|
I really don't like clowns - I find them creepy. This is a very interesting poem. I like the floe. You expressed your theme well. The picture is a great choice.
Barbara
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
-
Thanks very much, Barbara. I don't like clowns either, they scare the bejeezus outta' me. But, that's how I confront my fears, the monsters lurking in my brain. I write about them...
Thanks for you most kind review.
Comment from joneau2
Wow, what an incredible write. Your mastery of language is superb. It's amazing to me how clowns can evoke chills and horror, but it's what you make of them, and you certainly accomplished that. It sent a chill down my spine ... yes come in, and we'll play.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
 |
Wow, what an incredible write. Your mastery of language is superb. It's amazing to me how clowns can evoke chills and horror, but it's what you make of them, and you certainly accomplished that. It sent a chill down my spine ... yes come in, and we'll play.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
-
Thank you very much, joneau2. Coming from a talented horror writer like yourself, I'll take this as an immense compliment, my friend!
