Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Taku Moon"Murder Mystery
50 total reviews
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Bev,
The chapter is interesting and engaging. The suspense and mystery continue to reveal themselves in different manners as new evidence discovered. The body having clawed marks and feces from an animal on it creates yet more questions. It appears the site was tampered with implicating the involvement of an animal. The questions continue to stack up making the next chapter anticipated.
Curtis
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Bev,
The chapter is interesting and engaging. The suspense and mystery continue to reveal themselves in different manners as new evidence discovered. The body having clawed marks and feces from an animal on it creates yet more questions. It appears the site was tampered with implicating the involvement of an animal. The questions continue to stack up making the next chapter anticipated.
Curtis
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you, Curtis. I appreciate the encouraging and generous review. :0) Bev
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Hairball?! Yucky Poo!! Very well done as always. It just gets more and more interesting. It seems so long sense you last posted. You always leave us wanting more. =} Rox
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Hairball?! Yucky Poo!! Very well done as always. It just gets more and more interesting. It seems so long sense you last posted. You always leave us wanting more. =} Rox
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Hi, Rox. Thanks so much for this generous review. I really appreciate your encouragement. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Cornelius2000
I was pleased to read another chapter in this fascinating mystery story. Your dialogue between Derek and Skeets is very well done, and comes across as natural and believable. I'm eager to see where the story goes from here.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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I was pleased to read another chapter in this fascinating mystery story. Your dialogue between Derek and Skeets is very well done, and comes across as natural and believable. I'm eager to see where the story goes from here.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Dave, thanks so much for your encouraging and generous review. :0) Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi writingfundimension,
Another tense chapter with plenty of information emerging, but still leaving your police investigators baffled.
Speaking as someone who used to do investigations, learning that the morgue was the source of leaked information would result in taking a very close interest in the people working there. Just a thought.
Patrick
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Hi writingfundimension,
Another tense chapter with plenty of information emerging, but still leaving your police investigators baffled.
Speaking as someone who used to do investigations, learning that the morgue was the source of leaked information would result in taking a very close interest in the people working there. Just a thought.
Patrick
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Thanks for that, Patrick. That makes sense and I appreciate you giving me a possible new direction! Appreciate it... Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello, my friend - a six today, for the enormously and increasingly exciting and detailed developments.
I love how the supernatural/spiritual is threaded into this whodunit.
Hugs
xxx
Sonali
Spags:
biblical pestilence ... suggest: biblical plague
succumbed to strangulation (,) thereby eliminating
Skeets offered no comment until (he was) seated across from his boss
covered his concern ... suggest: masked/hid his concern
a finger to mark a spot on the page(,) and looked up.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Hello, my friend - a six today, for the enormously and increasingly exciting and detailed developments.
I love how the supernatural/spiritual is threaded into this whodunit.
Hugs
xxx
Sonali
Spags:
biblical pestilence ... suggest: biblical plague
succumbed to strangulation (,) thereby eliminating
Skeets offered no comment until (he was) seated across from his boss
covered his concern ... suggest: masked/hid his concern
a finger to mark a spot on the page(,) and looked up.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Hi, Sonali. Thanks so much for this encouraging and generous review. I sure appreciate the keen editing eye, as well. You're support means a lot to me, my friend. Hugs, Bev
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And yours to me, dear. :) xxx
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:0) xx
Comment from DALLAS01
I really like the time and effort devoted to the detailed description of the fly crawling across the desk. Not a word wasted. Attention to detail is certainly one of your strongest suits. I remember Danika but forgot who Newstead was, still a bit confused.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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I really like the time and effort devoted to the detailed description of the fly crawling across the desk. Not a word wasted. Attention to detail is certainly one of your strongest suits. I remember Danika but forgot who Newstead was, still a bit confused.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much, Dallas. I'll add him to the list of characters. He was a PIA early in the case who was discovered to be a department leak. I appreciate your support, my friend. :0)
Comment from JM daSilva
I know the supernatural is involved because I'm the reader, but why would police officer assume that? A question. Isn't a hairball easy to swallow without causing damage?
Very enjoyable. Great job as usual.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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I know the supernatural is involved because I'm the reader, but why would police officer assume that? A question. Isn't a hairball easy to swallow without causing damage?
Very enjoyable. Great job as usual.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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You make a good point, JM. Thanks for the insight and great review, as always. :0) Bev
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Great pleasure.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Bev. Excellent writing. You have the technical area down pat, it seems: "Bloomquist gave me information not included in the report that he'll deny ever saying," Derek continued. "He swears he removed the foreign object from Deborah's stomach and placed it in a basin for definitive analysis at a later time. Yet, his assistant recalls no such object being present. Bloomquist, himself, searched the lab, but was unable to locate it."
And: Great ending hook: ""Don't thank me yet, Sheriff. If you're involved with a true demon, then I suggest you get on your knees and start to pray. Your world view is about to be shattered."
Suggestions: "Sheriff Oleson observed a black fly make its way across his desk" (I think a better hook would read "A
black fly made it's way across Sheriff Cleson's desk etc..."
Even better one would be "
" The detective's turned-down mouth" (His frown.)
"Fritz Buell's preliminary autopsy report revealed he'd not been drugged like the first victim."
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Hi, Bev. Excellent writing. You have the technical area down pat, it seems: "Bloomquist gave me information not included in the report that he'll deny ever saying," Derek continued. "He swears he removed the foreign object from Deborah's stomach and placed it in a basin for definitive analysis at a later time. Yet, his assistant recalls no such object being present. Bloomquist, himself, searched the lab, but was unable to locate it."
And: Great ending hook: ""Don't thank me yet, Sheriff. If you're involved with a true demon, then I suggest you get on your knees and start to pray. Your world view is about to be shattered."
Suggestions: "Sheriff Oleson observed a black fly make its way across his desk" (I think a better hook would read "A
black fly made it's way across Sheriff Cleson's desk etc..."
Even better one would be "
" The detective's turned-down mouth" (His frown.)
"Fritz Buell's preliminary autopsy report revealed he'd not been drugged like the first victim."
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Bob, thank you for the great suggestions. I really appreciate your encouragement and generosity. Will make those changes!
Warmest regards, Bev
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:) You are very talented, Bev. Bob
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Aw, that's very nice of you, Bob. I've learned a lot and still have a good way to go. Your kind comment makes me think I'm on the right track. :0) Bev
Comment from alexgeorge
Wow! I just loved this post. It's full of mystery and then, the phonecall with the priest was the best part. I enjoyed the part where he tells him to get on his knees because his perception of the world is about to undergo a huge change.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Wow! I just loved this post. It's full of mystery and then, the phonecall with the priest was the best part. I enjoyed the part where he tells him to get on his knees because his perception of the world is about to undergo a huge change.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much, alex. I really appreciate your encouragement and support. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from CR Delport
Reporters will go to great lengths to get a story, most of it through dodgy means. This is another very well written chapter that makes for a great read. I spotted no obvious errors.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Reporters will go to great lengths to get a story, most of it through dodgy means. This is another very well written chapter that makes for a great read. I spotted no obvious errors.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much, CR. :0)
