Pale Sisters
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Lionel"Science fiction.
20 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hmmm, Bill, I wonder where you're going with this. I will obviously have to read more to find out, and I will. A bit unusual what is going on here. All the best. Ulla;))
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Hmmm, Bill, I wonder where you're going with this. I will obviously have to read more to find out, and I will. A bit unusual what is going on here. All the best. Ulla;))
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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Thank you, Ulla. I have plans for Olan to be a spoiler.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A very good chapter.
"Lionel was a huge man, nearing six-foot-seven and weighing two hundred and forty pounds."
I've got him beat. I didn't have to get near that tall to outweigh him.
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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A very good chapter.
"Lionel was a huge man, nearing six-foot-seven and weighing two hundred and forty pounds."
I've got him beat. I didn't have to get near that tall to outweigh him.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 24-May-2017
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I guess he puts helium in his Chuck's.
Comment from Rasmine
I thought the doctor was going to be the main character, but I was wrong. I wonder where you are going with this. Seems interesting.
I found an error: "Thank you, sir," he replied. (quote) It has been a long push, but I can never thank you enough for giving me an opportunity to make a difference in the world."
TC
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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I thought the doctor was going to be the main character, but I was wrong. I wonder where you are going with this. Seems interesting.
I found an error: "Thank you, sir," he replied. (quote) It has been a long push, but I can never thank you enough for giving me an opportunity to make a difference in the world."
TC
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Good eye and thank you.
Comment from apky
He pictured Amanda laughing somewhere, figuring she had done him in. He imagined the look on her face when she found that he wasn't dead. With a few looks, but no one stopping him, Olan left the room, took the stairway down to the main floor, and exited the front door of the hospital.
"Won't she be surprised?" he mumbled to no one.
~ Well this was a twist I hadn't seen coming. I'm keen to know what happens next.
Best,
Apky
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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He pictured Amanda laughing somewhere, figuring she had done him in. He imagined the look on her face when she found that he wasn't dead. With a few looks, but no one stopping him, Olan left the room, took the stairway down to the main floor, and exited the front door of the hospital.
"Won't she be surprised?" he mumbled to no one.
~ Well this was a twist I hadn't seen coming. I'm keen to know what happens next.
Best,
Apky
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thanks, apky.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
An intriguing snipit of the story, full of action and an unusual outcome. I shall tune in for the next instalment! This certainly woke me up this morning! Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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An intriguing snipit of the story, full of action and an unusual outcome. I shall tune in for the next instalment! This certainly woke me up this morning! Love Dolly x
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thank you, Dolly
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
After reading this, I find it to be an interesting chapter.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Great dialogue.
The artwork looks good. The image shown supports the story. The hospital bed looks comfortable with all of those pillows. I've never seen one with such nice pillows before.
Thanks for sharing a part of your book.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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After reading this, I find it to be an interesting chapter.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
Great dialogue.
The artwork looks good. The image shown supports the story. The hospital bed looks comfortable with all of those pillows. I've never seen one with such nice pillows before.
Thanks for sharing a part of your book.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thank you, Nicole. At $3000 a night the pillows ought to be the best.
Comment from BeasPeas
I dropped in here in the middle of your story to read this chapter, Bill. Your writing is clear and interesting with detailed descriptions. Chapter length is very good, too. Marilyn
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I dropped in here in the middle of your story to read this chapter, Bill. Your writing is clear and interesting with detailed descriptions. Chapter length is very good, too. Marilyn
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you, Marilyn.
Comment from nomi338
At this point I don't know who Mr. Rivera is but my guess is that Olan may have made a huge mistake. Obviously Mr. Rivera is a man of some power and influence and He will not be happy to have his investment in the young doctor wasted by a couple of Neanderthals. I am holding on for future developments.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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At this point I don't know who Mr. Rivera is but my guess is that Olan may have made a huge mistake. Obviously Mr. Rivera is a man of some power and influence and He will not be happy to have his investment in the young doctor wasted by a couple of Neanderthals. I am holding on for future developments.
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Rivera is another cog in the Magfas machine. Olan was part of the rape gang creating genetically similar babies. Amanda is clearing up loose ends.
Comment from Caressa_08
Oh, quite an ugly adventurous time for all involved in the middle to the end of this story's chapter that I haven't been following though now being today it has caught my interest and do come & go here on FS... will take a look back at some chapters now, being this story is not at all boring. And to think for a hospital doctor who has come with quite a violent history and now charged at a patient, killing him ... is now lying barely alive it does seem because his temper caused him now to kill a man in his supposedly medical workplace. With another character, Olan, who escaped death is trying to leave the scene, who assaulted and protected himself from this, Dr. Lionel....Think there is more to the story line than I know at present, that would give some clues in the past chapters, and too, Lionel with his helpful friend, Mr Rivera, and his part this played as Whitey must be a gang member he disliked and had to pay the consequences being he was hospitalized, where Lionel had access.
Kept my attention from beginning to end and hope to read more...Caressa_08
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Oh, quite an ugly adventurous time for all involved in the middle to the end of this story's chapter that I haven't been following though now being today it has caught my interest and do come & go here on FS... will take a look back at some chapters now, being this story is not at all boring. And to think for a hospital doctor who has come with quite a violent history and now charged at a patient, killing him ... is now lying barely alive it does seem because his temper caused him now to kill a man in his supposedly medical workplace. With another character, Olan, who escaped death is trying to leave the scene, who assaulted and protected himself from this, Dr. Lionel....Think there is more to the story line than I know at present, that would give some clues in the past chapters, and too, Lionel with his helpful friend, Mr Rivera, and his part this played as Whitey must be a gang member he disliked and had to pay the consequences being he was hospitalized, where Lionel had access.
Kept my attention from beginning to end and hope to read more...Caressa_08
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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In revision, I may introduce Lionel earlier and build him up. I don't think he'll survive though.
Comment from Wabigoon
Bill--
Well we run through a lot of territory here! I had to say I was rooting for Lionel and very sad to see his demise, maybe his demise. I'm not really familiar with what you are doing, your "plot" though I have read at least one other post.
I noticed this:
His clothes, relatively blood free when balanced against (their) expedient need,
This just doesn't read quite right. His clothes when balanced against his expedient need? I mean the clothes have no need, but Olan does, or maybe The doctor does, to keep him covered, but the clothes don't. See what I mean?
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Bill--
Well we run through a lot of territory here! I had to say I was rooting for Lionel and very sad to see his demise, maybe his demise. I'm not really familiar with what you are doing, your "plot" though I have read at least one other post.
I noticed this:
His clothes, relatively blood free when balanced against (their) expedient need,
This just doesn't read quite right. His clothes when balanced against his expedient need? I mean the clothes have no need, but Olan does, or maybe The doctor does, to keep him covered, but the clothes don't. See what I mean?
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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I see your point and agree. Thank you for pointing it out.
