Comment from Lpspider

Excellent

Overall this was great. There's some great description and word choice in this. Very strong and vividly done. Would strongly recommend.

A few suggestions--->

"Do you remember "that day"?

I suggest;

"Do you remember 'that day'?" Or you could drop the quotes around "that day" altogether.

I could sometime
lost my memory, ---confusing.

I could sometimes
loose my memory, ---???

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from clhutchinson

Excellent

Remembrance brings forth deep emotions and a vivid recollection of thoughts and scenes in this well written verse, from a time that is treasured and so well expressed.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from Wendyanne

Excellent

What alovely, romantic poem Pili. You have a gift for writing these exquisite pieces, something I could never do because I'm not very romantic. Lovely imagery.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from Diny

Excellent

to great to handle ... need TOO great to hndle here

WOW
this was a passionate poem
Your writing is very exotic
and affectionantly drawn!

You do write from your heart, it seems
Always a joy to read
Write on
Diny

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from Lainee

Good

I could sometime ...sometimes followed by a comma ...perhaps...
lost my memory, ... to make it make sense Pili..

emotions that were
to great to handle ... too great to handle...

Becoming both shy....both becoming shy...

As always Pili this is a beautiful piece of writing that flows so well with soft and gentle imagery except for the few lines I have pointed out. A few minor adjustments will fix this my friend.

Goodluck,
Lainee :O)

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from AuroraSky

Excellent

Sweet poem, combines the innocence of the child with the passionate emotions of the adult...an interesting blend.

Possible mistake-

I could sometime
lost/lose my memory,
and all my past
be erased...

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 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from lerkun

Good

hello pili, this is a nice piece with warm...no hot loving actions, no thoughts...sorry to blather...there are a few spots with grammatical errors
If perhaps
I loss my memory < lost or lose
emotions that where < were
suggestions...use or lose...lerk


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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005