Comment from amaranthblue

Excellent

What a lovely and passionate tribute to love... The beauty of your words vibrates off the page in an abandon of soft caresses and wonder... I love the way you have of expressing such profound and deep emotions... Pure and beautiful...

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2005

Comment from smiles_with_sunshine

Excellent

feverish lips
spoke with fervor
and elation,
we listen
to every word.
With abandoned
recklessness
we surrender,
reaching jubilant
completeness... and exhaustion...
Under the light of dawn
drenched in sweat,
we fell asleep as one.

>>>P>i>l>i>>P>u>b>u>l>>>

Is it hot in here, or is it just me!...lol...Well, at least I know all my body parts are still functioning properly...lol...I think I'll stop before I say something that gets me in trouble...lol...Great poem, Pili...simply GREAT!
Take care and "BE" blessed.
:)s* smiles

 Comment Written 23-Jun-2005

Comment from Waterbird

Good

but that moment
in our life
I couldn't ever forget. - maybe I could never forget?

I see your grammar is coming along very nicely.
While I know this is free verse, I would like to see
some structure to it. The final stanza could
easily be broken up. Overall, a good read, but I
believe with a little work, this could be outstanding.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2005

Comment from Graceheart

Excellent

Hey awesome Lady, this is so hot and at the same time so tender and sensual! You have created a feeling of complete elation from two wanton spirits falling in love and into rapture with one another! I really envy this guy! Wonderful poem of your loving soul sweet Pili!

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2005

Comment from mroby731

Excellent

I love this poem. It is wonderful and so full of love. You must have love surrounding your life. I wish I someday could experience just some of the feelings generated in one of your poems. Are you published in the U.S.A and if so were could it be purchased?

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2005

Comment from sengwriter

Excellent

One small question if becomes
your inspiration of creation,
and if this poem is the result of that,
the person asking you the one
has got to be amazed now
by the excellence of the expression
and he would simply love his soul to enjoy
your love and this poem he would chant.

How intimately you recollect your "that day" just involving him in every line
you walk with that,you breathe with that and may be when you sit to dine.

This poem has an inner sense of your true involvement and cherishment thus it
has become a purport of dual beauty,after conflicts a symphony so neat.
"Under the light of dawn
drenched in sweat,
we fall asleep as one. " it is that harmony...Gautam.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from Jewell McChesney

Excellent

...Until powerful waves
arising from our depths,
pushed fiercely,
now life was climbing
on us.

Emotions intermixed
in breathless joy,
soul and body
throbbing with desire,
nourishing yourself
you fed me ...

WOW
Pili, this is so sweet.
I want this again..
What a lovely emotion this evokes...

Jewell

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from Black Wren

Good

I could sometime
lost my memory,
(I sometimes could
lose my memory,)
(to) great to handle ...
(too)
Becoming both shy.
(Becoming both shy and what? You're both shy and what? Or are you saying "Both becoming shy."?)
We felt abandoned
if we lost (a) touch,
(delete)

I love the descriptions and the emotions in this one!

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from Bryana

Excellent

You certainly get emotional. Your
poem shows all the love felt by someone
at being together wit the person you love.
I'm very happy to see you even though you
are far away.

I'm sure you're having a fab time.
Abrazos, Ana

I'll PM

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005

Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

["Do you remember "that day"?] <-- ? inside "" --> "Do you remember
that day?"
also... since 'that day' is the title, mabe put on separate line and in italics?
just a thought :-)

[and exhaustion...] <- put on next line?


ooooh... LOVE how you ended this........
"Under the light of dawn
drenched in sweat,
we fall asleep as one."
:-)


nice work
thanx for sharing :-)

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2005