The Woman Of Discontent
A weird poem I wrote inspired by Yasue's Surreal artwork.82 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Justin your poem is not weird. I like it because,
it is a different way of looking at the graphic other than a woman in the depths of the sea ( she seems to be soaring through the celestial skies..
Gert
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Hello Justin your poem is not weird. I like it because,
it is a different way of looking at the graphic other than a woman in the depths of the sea ( she seems to be soaring through the celestial skies..
Gert
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you Gert.
Comment from Quillian
Wonderful! I have seen this artwork so many times, but you have made her come alive. My favorite line is your last..The eternal energies of the imagination. I would suggest you drop the comma after ...'the fishes stream through'. You do want them to stream through 'these celestial bodies, right? Really a clean, straight forward piece. Good luck!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Wonderful! I have seen this artwork so many times, but you have made her come alive. My favorite line is your last..The eternal energies of the imagination. I would suggest you drop the comma after ...'the fishes stream through'. You do want them to stream through 'these celestial bodies, right? Really a clean, straight forward piece. Good luck!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you Quillian.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Justin,
I don't think this poem is weird at all, instead I find it clever and well composed. You have used good alliteration and enjambments, the flow is smooth, excellent use of expressive words and the theme is delicious. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Hi Justin,
I don't think this poem is weird at all, instead I find it clever and well composed. You have used good alliteration and enjambments, the flow is smooth, excellent use of expressive words and the theme is delicious. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you Chey.
Comment from mrssime
Interesting - however, the rhythm wasn't present. It gave some great description, but don't know if it had to necessarily rhyme. It may have more meaning if it was just free verse.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Interesting - however, the rhythm wasn't present. It gave some great description, but don't know if it had to necessarily rhyme. It may have more meaning if it was just free verse.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you sime.
Comment from Stephen Wolff
Inventive lines and a good descriptive review of an artwork. Maybe you should write a prose review! I'm not sure what it adds though that can't actually be had by the reader from actually looking at the artwork too!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Inventive lines and a good descriptive review of an artwork. Maybe you should write a prose review! I'm not sure what it adds though that can't actually be had by the reader from actually looking at the artwork too!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you Stephen.
Comment from Kidlike101
A very visual poem but I have to wonder if it was taking the painting on face value.
A head without a body... very unusual.
Best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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A very visual poem but I have to wonder if it was taking the painting on face value.
A head without a body... very unusual.
Best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you Kid for the review.
Comment from CreativeXXXX
I like the idea of the woman of discontent. The poem flows well, with a good readable structure and good choice of words. I like how it's the world that is crazy, and that the stars are inverted. I like how it's created by the energies of the imagination. Discontent is indeed a state of mind.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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I like the idea of the woman of discontent. The poem flows well, with a good readable structure and good choice of words. I like how it's the world that is crazy, and that the stars are inverted. I like how it's created by the energies of the imagination. Discontent is indeed a state of mind.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you creative.
Comment from Rubylou
I like your take on this picture. The inverse of the aquatic sky. Very clever perspective. I like the words, "logical rationalizations" in respect to this world that is ,"clearly crazy." Nice job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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I like your take on this picture. The inverse of the aquatic sky. Very clever perspective. I like the words, "logical rationalizations" in respect to this world that is ,"clearly crazy." Nice job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you Ruby.
Comment from ronnie k
You WENT THERE, this poem is so plainly giving a need for the reviewer to look at the insane possibility of a mind that is not used its said " a mind is a terribly thing to loss"
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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You WENT THERE, this poem is so plainly giving a need for the reviewer to look at the insane possibility of a mind that is not used its said " a mind is a terribly thing to loss"
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you Ronnie.
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Hi Justin. I enjoyed the ebb and flow of the piece and your take on the art work. The only thing I would take issue with is the punctuation. It seems to be scattered, here and there like the stars and dead fishes. You might think of dropping it all together, except commas for emphasis. Also, the first word of each line is no longer expected to be capitalized and I think it would help the flow if you changed that. A cap is a natural stop and I think it hinders the read. Just a suggestion. - Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Hi Justin. I enjoyed the ebb and flow of the piece and your take on the art work. The only thing I would take issue with is the punctuation. It seems to be scattered, here and there like the stars and dead fishes. You might think of dropping it all together, except commas for emphasis. Also, the first word of each line is no longer expected to be capitalized and I think it would help the flow if you changed that. A cap is a natural stop and I think it hinders the read. Just a suggestion. - Wendy
Comment Written 21-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the review and the advice Wendy.
