fire and ice (haiku)
Nature 5/7/5 Prompt Contest21 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Your five - seven - five captures one of those iconic images of fall, the blazing red maple leaves. The eventual amassing of these fallen leaves make for the images of our youth and other transitions in our lives. Nice.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Your five - seven - five captures one of those iconic images of fall, the blazing red maple leaves. The eventual amassing of these fallen leaves make for the images of our youth and other transitions in our lives. Nice.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi Bill, I appreciate your wonderful comments and generous rating. I'm delighted that you enjoyed the read. Kindest regards*
Comment from adewpearl
Nice pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent 5/7/5 syllable count
nice alliterative pairing of flames/flair
you create a colorful visual with a contemplative mood
Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Nice pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent 5/7/5 syllable count
nice alliterative pairing of flames/flair
you create a colorful visual with a contemplative mood
Brooke
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi Brooke, Sincere thanks for your generous comments and excellent rating :) It means a great deal to me. Kindest regards*
Comment from RGstar
I love the imagery on this one. Beautiful. I would love to have use this picture some time in the future.
Great beginning using flames.
The only downside , a small thing, next time leave out the prepositions [to] and [of] because adding prepositions you make sentences. A haiku should be devoid of sentences to challenge.
Even with that, its beautiful. The words are fiery and with passion
well done
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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I love the imagery on this one. Beautiful. I would love to have use this picture some time in the future.
Great beginning using flames.
The only downside , a small thing, next time leave out the prepositions [to] and [of] because adding prepositions you make sentences. A haiku should be devoid of sentences to challenge.
Even with that, its beautiful. The words are fiery and with passion
well done
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi RG, I appreciate your wonderful comments and the exceptional rating. Also, a special thank you for the helpful advice. I'm always open to sound suggestion and will certainly make an assertive effort. Kindest regards*
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you are welcome my friend,
Best wishes
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mystery Poet
Superb presentation and a gorgeous image to write about. While I love the concept of your poem and all the creativity you have here, personification is not permitted in haiku. Though the contest does not define any rules apart from requesting a syllable count and a haiku. You have your kigo and two concrete lines with a satori in your first line. I enjoyed the alliteration in "flames/flair/fall "and the added 'l' consonance in "flames/flair/leaves/fall". Great play on words with "autumn/fall" and 'u' assonance in "bursting/autumn/turns" and 'a' in "flames/flair/autumn/fall/across/path". Loads of poetic technique. An expression of the turn of the seasons .. how lovely. Good luck in the contest. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi Mystery Poet
Superb presentation and a gorgeous image to write about. While I love the concept of your poem and all the creativity you have here, personification is not permitted in haiku. Though the contest does not define any rules apart from requesting a syllable count and a haiku. You have your kigo and two concrete lines with a satori in your first line. I enjoyed the alliteration in "flames/flair/fall "and the added 'l' consonance in "flames/flair/leaves/fall". Great play on words with "autumn/fall" and 'u' assonance in "bursting/autumn/turns" and 'a' in "flames/flair/autumn/fall/across/path". Loads of poetic technique. An expression of the turn of the seasons .. how lovely. Good luck in the contest. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi Lovinia, Special thanks for a beautifully detailed review and I truly appreciate the exceptional rating. It means a great deal to me. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the read. Kindest regards*
Comment from michaelcahill
certainly a lot to see with so few words. there is a story in this of seasons changing one foreshadowing the other. this is so much more than just pretty words. exceptional. I think that this is the answer to the challenge.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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certainly a lot to see with so few words. there is a story in this of seasons changing one foreshadowing the other. this is so much more than just pretty words. exceptional. I think that this is the answer to the challenge.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi Mike, I hope that you don't mind that informality... also my husbands name. Sincere thanks for your keen, insightful comments and for an excellent rating. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful night!
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actually everyone calls me "Mikey". I am probably the oldest Mikey on earth, haha. your welcome. thank you again for the fine writing.
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Smiles, I appreciate the clarification and thanks again for a great review. Have a wonderful night!
Comment from Sueellen11
Very nicely written nice flow the picture with its lovely autumn toning s is perfect, true to form and count, a great entry into the contest, good luck, blessings sueellen
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Very nicely written nice flow the picture with its lovely autumn toning s is perfect, true to form and count, a great entry into the contest, good luck, blessings sueellen
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Hi Sueellen, I'm very happy that you enjoyed the read. Thanks for your wonderful comments and excellent rating. Have a lovely night!
Comment from dogontherocks
Well structured 575 with no caps or punctuation. You paint a vivid picture of autumn reflecting perfectly the image above
Well done
Dave
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Well structured 575 with no caps or punctuation. You paint a vivid picture of autumn reflecting perfectly the image above
Well done
Dave
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Hi Dave, Short Japanese form is written in lower case, including the title, which should be the first line of the poem but I march to my own drum and do what makes me happy. Some may include a long dash or ellipsis to indicate the cutting word. I think that readers generally hear the break so punctuation is unnecessary and individually based. Thanks for your generous comments and excellent rating. Have a great night!
Comment from Gungalo
flames of bursting flair
autumn turns to watch leaves fall
across winter's path
Awesome and really poignant' Such beauty leads us into winter and the starkness of it all.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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flames of bursting flair
autumn turns to watch leaves fall
across winter's path
Awesome and really poignant' Such beauty leads us into winter and the starkness of it all.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Hi Gungalo, Awesome and poignant :) Thanks for your wonderful comments and generous rating. I'm delighted that you enjoyed the read. Best regards!
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Smile.
Comment from Jendowoz
Love the wonderful imagery your 5-7-5 gave me and the analogy of "flames of bursting flair" is a wonderful line. Descriptive and colourful. The picture with all that red was a perfect choice for this piece.
regards, Jen
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Love the wonderful imagery your 5-7-5 gave me and the analogy of "flames of bursting flair" is a wonderful line. Descriptive and colourful. The picture with all that red was a perfect choice for this piece.
regards, Jen
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Hi Jen, I'm very happy that you enjoyed the read. I appreciate your wonderful comments and excellent rating. Have a lovely night!
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You are most welcome, but I live in Australia, so just going into daytime here. LOL
regards, Jen
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In that case have a beautiful day :) Thanks again Jen.
Comment from Raver
What a combination, Fire and ice. Nicely written and what a beautiful illustration that goes well with the haiku poem.
Good post.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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What a combination, Fire and ice. Nicely written and what a beautiful illustration that goes well with the haiku poem.
Good post.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Hi Raver, Thanks for your generous comments and excellent rating. Have a lovely night!
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Your welcome.
