Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Thawichasa Moon"Murder Mystery
42 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
another great chapter. It's good to know she can put her emotions aside while on a case. I don't know how long she can do this seeing him at the job. I sense they are good for each other on and off the job.
thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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another great chapter. It's good to know she can put her emotions aside while on a case. I don't know how long she can do this seeing him at the job. I sense they are good for each other on and off the job.
thank you for sharing
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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I like your insights, misscookie. I think the two characters are a fascinating mixture of the old and new. Thanks for the great review, my friend. Hugs, Bev
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I thank you and your very welcome.
Until next time.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I find your work so easy to follow, making an enjoyable
read, Bev - seems there MIGHT be a little romance between
them perhaps.
electrical impulses[.](,)" Doctor Suen continued. - comma
headaches for years[.](,)" Jana reasoned.
Might I suggest you move this down to the next line...As promised, Jana was pain free
Margaret
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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I find your work so easy to follow, making an enjoyable
read, Bev - seems there MIGHT be a little romance between
them perhaps.
electrical impulses[.](,)" Doctor Suen continued. - comma
headaches for years[.](,)" Jana reasoned.
Might I suggest you move this down to the next line...As promised, Jana was pain free
Margaret
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thanks for the great suggestions, Margaret and lovely stars. I sure appreciate your support and generosity. I wish I could write love scenes like you do... SIGH! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from thequeencatalyst
This is very well written, and I understood the context of this chapter despite having not read the previous chapters. You direct the reader's attention to where it needs to be, which is a very handy skill! Very, very good work!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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This is very well written, and I understood the context of this chapter despite having not read the previous chapters. You direct the reader's attention to where it needs to be, which is a very handy skill! Very, very good work!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Jasmine, thank you much for this awesome review! Warmest regards, Bev
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It was all true! Have a lovely day! ~ Jasmine M. C.
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You as well! xx
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I just love the parallel of the Chinese and aboriginal healing methods. I'm fascinated by alternative medicine, and have friends who embrace it.
Fantastic post, as ever. You write with such fluidity and ease, Bev. Interesting character, this Dred. I enjoyed the hints of sexual tension between the two. Very well done.
There's a few little bitty things to look at:
she favored at Gypsy's Tratorria. - Trattoria
"Aw, do you always have to bust my balls, Jana? I'm not the man you remember(.)" (H)e grinned. - you have to put a period and capitalize 'he' because 'grinned' isn't a speech tag, it's an action tag.
and she felt an old desire lasso her heart. - Brilliant description, Bev. My tummy took a little leap when I read that.
He jammed his fists in his pocket to keep from reaching for her. - this is flirting with a POV change. You could say, 'He jammed his fists in his pocket, as if to stop himself from reaching for her.'
Snapping a two-finger salute, he quipped, "(Y)es, sir."
He watched her approach her vehicle for the pure pleasure it gave him. Suddenly, there was a thick grey mist that passed behind her, blotting out her figure. Dred blinked his eyes to clear his vision, and it was gone. Remaining was a deep, uneasy feeling that he'd just witnessed the extraordinary. - This is a POV change. Not sure if you intended it or not?
Love Av
x
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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I just love the parallel of the Chinese and aboriginal healing methods. I'm fascinated by alternative medicine, and have friends who embrace it.
Fantastic post, as ever. You write with such fluidity and ease, Bev. Interesting character, this Dred. I enjoyed the hints of sexual tension between the two. Very well done.
There's a few little bitty things to look at:
she favored at Gypsy's Tratorria. - Trattoria
"Aw, do you always have to bust my balls, Jana? I'm not the man you remember(.)" (H)e grinned. - you have to put a period and capitalize 'he' because 'grinned' isn't a speech tag, it's an action tag.
and she felt an old desire lasso her heart. - Brilliant description, Bev. My tummy took a little leap when I read that.
He jammed his fists in his pocket to keep from reaching for her. - this is flirting with a POV change. You could say, 'He jammed his fists in his pocket, as if to stop himself from reaching for her.'
Snapping a two-finger salute, he quipped, "(Y)es, sir."
He watched her approach her vehicle for the pure pleasure it gave him. Suddenly, there was a thick grey mist that passed behind her, blotting out her figure. Dred blinked his eyes to clear his vision, and it was gone. Remaining was a deep, uneasy feeling that he'd just witnessed the extraordinary. - This is a POV change. Not sure if you intended it or not?
Love Av
x
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Av, thank you so much for great editing suggestions! I'm still learning some of the terms in writing - like speech tags - and you always keep me on notice about POV shifts. I love it.
I really appreciate your generosity and encouragement, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
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My sincere pleasure, Bev.
Comment from Green Lake Girl
This is exceptional writing, Bev. There is a lot going on in this chapter and you make it flow very smoothly. I enjoyed learning about the treatment of Jana's migraines. It ties in nicely with the Native American elements of this story; an interesting compare/contrast.
You present a very believable scene between Jana and Dred. The sexual tension is good and adds another layer to your story.
Lastly, I love the significance of your chapter title.
Very, very well done.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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This is exceptional writing, Bev. There is a lot going on in this chapter and you make it flow very smoothly. I enjoyed learning about the treatment of Jana's migraines. It ties in nicely with the Native American elements of this story; an interesting compare/contrast.
You present a very believable scene between Jana and Dred. The sexual tension is good and adds another layer to your story.
Lastly, I love the significance of your chapter title.
Very, very well done.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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I'm truly honored by your gracious, generous and very encouraging review, GLG. I'm not a writer of sex scenes, so this one was about as far as I could comfortably write. Maybe I should have consulted with you, my friend. Now that would've gotten the tension building.
I've been pleased by the response for the inclusion of the session with the Chinese doctor. He's based on a real life teacher of mine and the healing methods taught to me over a decade ago that I still use today. They make so much sense and really work.
Anyway, thanks so much for all your support. It means a lot to me.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from robina1978
I learned something pretty similar when I still had many headaches. For migraine I used to go to an acupuncturist. Then she meets Dresden and he suggests a dinner out.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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I learned something pretty similar when I still had many headaches. For migraine I used to go to an acupuncturist. Then she meets Dresden and he suggests a dinner out.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thanks, Ine. Then you know first hand the power of such techniques. Thanks for the great review! Warmest regards, Bev
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welcome and yes, I do, Ine
Comment from AprilShower
Oh, my, Bev. Wish I could read more. I have no idea how this is going to turn out. If this was a book in hand. I would not put it down until the mystery was solved. This waiting is really getting to me! LOL.
This is well written, my friend.
April :o)
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Oh, my, Bev. Wish I could read more. I have no idea how this is going to turn out. If this was a book in hand. I would not put it down until the mystery was solved. This waiting is really getting to me! LOL.
This is well written, my friend.
April :o)
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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I've really put you through the wringer, April. That why I'm so appreciative of your hanging in there with me. I hope that when you read THE END, it will have been worth it.
Thanks so much for your very gracious review, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where jana releases her migraine through chinese teachings and makes a breakthrough in dealing with the fbi profiler. i enjoyed reading it. i found out by accident that depacote is excellent for migraines. i was out of my migraine medication and my husband gave me a depacote. within fifteen minutes the sensitivity to light was gone and the nausea subsided. within an hour the headache was gone and i wasn't dysfunctional for six hours like with my other medication. when i talked to the doctor about it, she said depacote was a little known cure for migraines.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where jana releases her migraine through chinese teachings and makes a breakthrough in dealing with the fbi profiler. i enjoyed reading it. i found out by accident that depacote is excellent for migraines. i was out of my migraine medication and my husband gave me a depacote. within fifteen minutes the sensitivity to light was gone and the nausea subsided. within an hour the headache was gone and i wasn't dysfunctional for six hours like with my other medication. when i talked to the doctor about it, she said depacote was a little known cure for migraines.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Hi, sweet. Thank you for sharing that information on depakote. I think that anything that helps sufferers of migraine headaches is a god-send, personally. I know quite a few people that suffer terribly from them. Thank you for your gracious and encouraging review. I really appreciate it! :0) Bev
Comment from chasennov
Along The Jericho Road. 'Thawichasa Moon.' I have not seen my Thawichasa for a while now. This is really excellent stuff you have created here once again. Your chapters are opening a median. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Along The Jericho Road. 'Thawichasa Moon.' I have not seen my Thawichasa for a while now. This is really excellent stuff you have created here once again. Your chapters are opening a median. Well done.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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HaHa, I always enjoy your witty reviews, chasennov. Thanks for the support and encouragement. :0) Bev
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You're absolutely most welcome, Bev.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an interesting read. I haven't been kept up to date with the story so far, but the background gave me some idea about it. The dialogue is authentic and gives the story pace. The narration brings the story forward. This makes good reading.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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This is an interesting read. I haven't been kept up to date with the story so far, but the background gave me some idea about it. The dialogue is authentic and gives the story pace. The narration brings the story forward. This makes good reading.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thanks so much, Tomes. It would be a puzzle coming into this book at this point, so I appreciate you taking the time to read and send along your gracious review. Warmest regards, Bev
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My pleasure.
