Pale Sisters
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Cell"Science fiction.
25 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Two guards on their morning rounds noticed two motionless girls, of the two, McCoy and Pale, Pale is the one who's dead; I liked and enjoyed this chapter; catchy is the beginning and nice ending.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Two guards on their morning rounds noticed two motionless girls, of the two, McCoy and Pale, Pale is the one who's dead; I liked and enjoyed this chapter; catchy is the beginning and nice ending.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Thank you, ALD, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Sis Cat
Bill, this was a brisk prison scene involving a murdered and an injured inmate and the two guards who discovered them. Your scene moves at a fast pace and kept me engaged. I gather that the identification of Pale as the dead one makes this a climatic cliffhanger.
Thank you for sharing your chapter which was like flash fiction.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Bill, this was a brisk prison scene involving a murdered and an injured inmate and the two guards who discovered them. Your scene moves at a fast pace and kept me engaged. I gather that the identification of Pale as the dead one makes this a climatic cliffhanger.
Thank you for sharing your chapter which was like flash fiction.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Thanks, Andre, for taking a look. Sophia Pale has been through the ringer since the story began and is now dead. I've introduced two more female characters, Diana Camp and Linda McCoy to take up the slack.
Comment from Dawn Munro
This looks like a book I wish I had been able to follow. While brief, this part-chapter is intense and clearly-written. Dropping in on a chapter, it's impossible to know about plot development, and so on, but the pacing in this part is excellent, the characters believable, the description good, and the scene well-anchored.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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This looks like a book I wish I had been able to follow. While brief, this part-chapter is intense and clearly-written. Dropping in on a chapter, it's impossible to know about plot development, and so on, but the pacing in this part is excellent, the characters believable, the description good, and the scene well-anchored.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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The chapters fly by quickly, though, at this point, they are not promoted. In a nutshell, Sophia is raped by a gang of strangers and her husband murdered on the second day of their marriage. She has a baby and is eventually kidnapped and raped again. She is framed for murder at the same time and ends up in prison. She has a second baby there and is raped again. She meets two other women in prison, Diana and Linda. Diana is involved in a murder, but is then released and Sophia meets Linda who can apparently talk to her telepathically. Now, she is found dead in her cell and Linda is the focus of the story.
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Wow. Heavy stuff!
Comment from kahpot
I am definitely going to find a way to catch up on stories as quick as I'm able A good read this one with good artwork and characters, unfortunately, a little lost to me thanks for the read****kahpot
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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I am definitely going to find a way to catch up on stories as quick as I'm able A good read this one with good artwork and characters, unfortunately, a little lost to me thanks for the read****kahpot
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
The chapters fly by quickly, though, at this point, they are not promoted. In a nutshell, Sophia is raped by a gang of strangers and her husband murdered on the second day of their marriage. She has a baby and is eventually kidnapped and raped again. She is framed for murder at the same time and ends up in prison. She has a second baby there and is raped again. She meets two other women in prison, Diana and Linda. Diana is involved in a murder, but is then released and Sophia meets Linda who can apparently talk to her telepathically. Now, she is found dead in her cell and Linda is the focus of the story.
Comment from happykat4
I have not read any other chapters of the book. The chapter keeps the reader engaged fr,on the first sentence to the last word. Thank you for sharing. Will read again.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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I have not read any other chapters of the book. The chapter keeps the reader engaged fr,on the first sentence to the last word. Thank you for sharing. Will read again.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Thank you, HK, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from DonandVicki
I like the simplicity of the line drawing that fully complements your flash fiction story. Well done and a lot of imagery in so few words. Don and Vicki
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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I like the simplicity of the line drawing that fully complements your flash fiction story. Well done and a lot of imagery in so few words. Don and Vicki
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2017
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Thank you, D&V, for the nice review. Bill
Comment from cinderbella
The story gets more and more interesting. Pale is dead? Or has she fixed it so it seems as if she is dead? Don't tell me, I have to read for myself. Great job on writing this. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2013
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The story gets more and more interesting. Pale is dead? Or has she fixed it so it seems as if she is dead? Don't tell me, I have to read for myself. Great job on writing this. :) Sandra
Comment Written 01-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the enthusiastic reviews, Sandra. Bill
Comment from EMB
Though this is a short chapter, it's a pretty gripping scene, but it leaves a lot of questions that I imagine will be answered soon (if they haven't already been answered in earlier chapters).
Nice pace and description.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Though this is a short chapter, it's a pretty gripping scene, but it leaves a lot of questions that I imagine will be answered soon (if they haven't already been answered in earlier chapters).
Nice pace and description.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thank you for reviewing this one.
Comment from adewpearl
Running to the cell, she saw - add comma
Main, this is 51 - add comma for direct address
Your dialogue sounds authentically official
Raising an eyebrow, good use of non-verbal communication
Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Running to the cell, she saw - add comma
Main, this is 51 - add comma for direct address
Your dialogue sounds authentically official
Raising an eyebrow, good use of non-verbal communication
Brooke
Comment Written 17-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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I just want to point out that I did get the "Main, this is 51..." right the second time it appeared. If comma mistakes were straight pins I'd be covered in chainmail by now.
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LOL
Comment from Dean Kuch
Sophia Pale...dead? Say it ain't so, Bill! Hasn't that poor woman suffered enough? Now, doomed by some conspiracy from the very fires of hell, themselves, she's surely due to pay a visit there in an attempt to recapture her mortal soul and wrench it away from whatever demonic entities have it in their maggot-infested clutches.
I must say, I was not expecting that!
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Sophia Pale...dead? Say it ain't so, Bill! Hasn't that poor woman suffered enough? Now, doomed by some conspiracy from the very fires of hell, themselves, she's surely due to pay a visit there in an attempt to recapture her mortal soul and wrench it away from whatever demonic entities have it in their maggot-infested clutches.
I must say, I was not expecting that!
Comment Written 17-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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I know this chapter was short, but necessary. Thank you for looking in.
