Pale Sisters
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Diana"Science fiction.
17 total reviews
Comment from Poetic Friend
Bill,
Although I had not read the previous chapters, I was able to follow the storyline and connect with the main characters. The story is engaging.
I was uncertain who are the "she's" in the below sentence. Presumably, the first "she" is Sophia's daughter. The second "she" is Sophia's daughter, and the third "she" is Sophia. Am I correct?
Although she was not conceived through love, she was a part of her and she wished her well
Again, great story!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
  |
Bill,
Although I had not read the previous chapters, I was able to follow the storyline and connect with the main characters. The story is engaging.
I was uncertain who are the "she's" in the below sentence. Presumably, the first "she" is Sophia's daughter. The second "she" is Sophia's daughter, and the third "she" is Sophia. Am I correct?
Although she was not conceived through love, she was a part of her and she wished her well
Again, great story!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
-
You are right about the shes and hers. I hadn't noticed that there might be confusion. Thank you for reviewing. Bill
Comment from cinderbella
... and there is the cliffhanger. How, I ask, is anything going to be alright??? You have ensured I will keep reading.
The writing is excellent, very fast-paced to hold the reader's attention, dialogue is believable. I will be waiting for more. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2013
|
... and there is the cliffhanger. How, I ask, is anything going to be alright??? You have ensured I will keep reading.
The writing is excellent, very fast-paced to hold the reader's attention, dialogue is believable. I will be waiting for more. :) Sandra
Comment Written 01-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2013
-
Thank you again, Sandra, for following the story. Bill
Comment from Jean Lagace
As I am already lost in Zombieland and the alien like creatures are preparing to take over the world I know through some gigantic conspiracy. So God help us all.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
|
As I am already lost in Zombieland and the alien like creatures are preparing to take over the world I know through some gigantic conspiracy. So God help us all.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
-
----------
Comment from Dean Kuch
I shudder to think what sort of "favors" Diana had to perform to get that adoption information about Sophia's child.
This poor woman, Sophia! It seems that everyone she accepts as a friend and confides in, betrays her. Now, in this chapter, we learn that Di is in on this diabolical conspiracy as well. I didn't see that one coming, Bill, I'll admit...
This entire story has such a Rosemary's Baby sort of feel to it. We know these hooligans are working towards some despicably evil goal, most likely involving the old Dark One, himself. And Sophia, an innocent caught up in a waking nightmare beyond comprehension...
I can't wait for more!
~5 out of 5 skulls~
"The boss says you go her," he said." ........Was this sentence intentionally written this way to convey a speech impediment, or a trance-like state on the part of the new 'guard', or is something missing here, Bill?
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
|
I shudder to think what sort of "favors" Diana had to perform to get that adoption information about Sophia's child.
This poor woman, Sophia! It seems that everyone she accepts as a friend and confides in, betrays her. Now, in this chapter, we learn that Di is in on this diabolical conspiracy as well. I didn't see that one coming, Bill, I'll admit...
This entire story has such a Rosemary's Baby sort of feel to it. We know these hooligans are working towards some despicably evil goal, most likely involving the old Dark One, himself. And Sophia, an innocent caught up in a waking nightmare beyond comprehension...
I can't wait for more!
~5 out of 5 skulls~
"The boss says you go her," he said." ........Was this sentence intentionally written this way to convey a speech impediment, or a trance-like state on the part of the new 'guard', or is something missing here, Bill?
Comment Written 15-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
-
Thank you, Dean, for sticking with me. There are only three of us, apparently, on this ride. I wish I could claim a dialect or character tell on this grammar dealy. Just an absent vowel.
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi Bill,
I like that Sophia has a friend on the inside. Your play with words, "Di," was very well done. Good job introducing the name of the adoptive parents, which leaves the characters open to further introduction.
My one question: Is there a connection between the sheriff and the warden? I'm asking because it would be almost impossible for Olan and his men to just walk into the prison.
You have closed this chapter on a high note, one where readers will want to flip to the next page. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
|
Hi Bill,
I like that Sophia has a friend on the inside. Your play with words, "Di," was very well done. Good job introducing the name of the adoptive parents, which leaves the characters open to further introduction.
My one question: Is there a connection between the sheriff and the warden? I'm asking because it would be almost impossible for Olan and his men to just walk into the prison.
You have closed this chapter on a high note, one where readers will want to flip to the next page. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
-
Thank you for reviewing. Yes, each character that's introduced will have his/her day in the sun. There is a connectivity between entities in the story that will play out eventually. Thanks for sticking with me on this. Bill
Comment from braham20191
What I find most interesting in the writer's style is the movement between chapters, based on a concise summary at the beginning followed by going straight into the story.
This is how stories are told verbally across the world and there is definite merit in being able to do the same while writing. One may ask whats the big deal. The big deal is that keeping it simple is not always simple. Many writers over think.
Anyway, a good read. Thanks.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
|
What I find most interesting in the writer's style is the movement between chapters, based on a concise summary at the beginning followed by going straight into the story.
This is how stories are told verbally across the world and there is definite merit in being able to do the same while writing. One may ask whats the big deal. The big deal is that keeping it simple is not always simple. Many writers over think.
Anyway, a good read. Thanks.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
-
Thank you very much for the positive analysis and encouraging review. I sometimes fear that I'm moving ahead too quickly and not elaborating more on the scenes and character descriptions. Bill
-
My two cents: This appears to be your 'voice'. so rather than fret over it, fine tune it. Test it out. Play with it. But keep its essence which is this direct plunge into the Chapter plot following a riveting summary.
Comment from Eigle Rull
You definitely have my interest in this story. It is very well written. The storyline is good, and the dialog is perfect. It is exciting, and it held my attention very well. I found no mistakes at all - only the need to read more...
Always with respect,
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
|
You definitely have my interest in this story. It is very well written. The storyline is good, and the dialog is perfect. It is exciting, and it held my attention very well. I found no mistakes at all - only the need to read more...
Always with respect,
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
-
Thank you for the encouraging review. The chapters are short and I think you might like the build up to this one. They start with SOPHIA, then AMANDA, MAGFAS, PRISON, and now DIANA. Happy days! Bill
