Pale Sisters
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Diana"Science fiction.
17 total reviews
Comment from Caressa_08
Well, text is excellent, easy to read, with us oldsters who needed the extra magnification.
She, Sophia, seems like a sex robot for these crazies and I really don't know how she survives it all & not to try to end it all as she is always in the wrong place & no one is to ever be trusted even the supposedly good guys.
This is the second chapter I have reviewed and for me...it is just the same stuff on with the forced sex on a vulnerable woman...Hard to comprehend...and am finding it not a good read for a female...unless, you are in a situation like this persona...and need to find a way out of this, seemingly, endless misery.Though, I know sex sells, no denying that.
Caressa_08
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2017
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Well, text is excellent, easy to read, with us oldsters who needed the extra magnification.
She, Sophia, seems like a sex robot for these crazies and I really don't know how she survives it all & not to try to end it all as she is always in the wrong place & no one is to ever be trusted even the supposedly good guys.
This is the second chapter I have reviewed and for me...it is just the same stuff on with the forced sex on a vulnerable woman...Hard to comprehend...and am finding it not a good read for a female...unless, you are in a situation like this persona...and need to find a way out of this, seemingly, endless misery.Though, I know sex sells, no denying that.
Caressa_08
Comment Written 18-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2017
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The problem I have with this story is not the sex or violence, since that leads to the nuttier story, but that the time between reading chapters doesn't allow readers to comment on anything more than the present chapter. It takes a bit to get go the real story, but first I need to get readers to ask WHY? I believe if people read it straight through, what offends would change to what makes the story line unique.
Comment from emptypage
Oh, tough read.
Well written; just, horrid. Heart-breaking, gut-wrenching. Terrible.
I like it.
You are a very eclectic writer, Bill. I never know what's coming.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2017
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Oh, tough read.
Well written; just, horrid. Heart-breaking, gut-wrenching. Terrible.
I like it.
You are a very eclectic writer, Bill. I never know what's coming.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2017
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This is an older story that I'm sending back out to see what I can do to improve it. Most people suggest dialogue.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting chapter you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and some violence in it. Have a blessed nite! Teri
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2017
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This is a very interesting chapter you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and some violence in it. Have a blessed nite! Teri
Comment Written 16-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Teri, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Mustang Patty
Wow! Diana's character has certainly take on a different role. This story continues to hold my interest, and with each twist and turn, I'm hooked. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Wow! Diana's character has certainly take on a different role. This story continues to hold my interest, and with each twist and turn, I'm hooked. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 15-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Patty for hanging in.
Comment from nomi338
It is not hard to see how some people can become overwhelmed to the point where the become empty shells. Empty shells with dead eyes and minds that are so damaged that it cannot even grab hold of nor hold onto anything coherent. In cases such as this, death is a very welcome friend or means of escape.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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It is not hard to see how some people can become overwhelmed to the point where the become empty shells. Empty shells with dead eyes and minds that are so damaged that it cannot even grab hold of nor hold onto anything coherent. In cases such as this, death is a very welcome friend or means of escape.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Thanks, nomi, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from w.j.debi
This poor girl doesn't seem to stand a chance. Who can help her behind bars when there is corruption in the system itself. Your characters are engaging, one for her seeming helplessness and innocence, and the others for their sinister intentions.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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This poor girl doesn't seem to stand a chance. Who can help her behind bars when there is corruption in the system itself. Your characters are engaging, one for her seeming helplessness and innocence, and the others for their sinister intentions.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Thank you, wj, for the upbeat review. Bill
Comment from Ulla
Hi Bill, I haven't followed this and to say the least I'm a bit confused. I'll have to go back and find the previous chapters. I'm suprised I've missed them. I'm sorry. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Hi Bill, I haven't followed this and to say the least I'm a bit confused. I'll have to go back and find the previous chapters. I'm suprised I've missed them. I'm sorry. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 13-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Ulla.
Comment from frogbook
If it wasn't for bad luck...well you know the saying and it seems that Sophia is the poster child. Just when things seemed to quiet down. Another surprising chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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If it wasn't for bad luck...well you know the saying and it seems that Sophia is the poster child. Just when things seemed to quiet down. Another surprising chapter.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Thank you, FB, for the kind review. Bill
Comment from robertlmcgraw
Well...it was clear enough. This piece was easy to read and your grammar seems to be on point (with the exception of one missed quotation mark at the beginning of a dialogue sentence). But, to be honest, I found the prose a bit on the sterile side. The piece gives all of the pertinent facts and does a good job of giving a new reader an overview of what's going on. It's the senses, that are missing. There are no sounds, no smells, no memories, no depth of feeling, nothing to real sink your imagination's teeth into. What is present, is only dialogue, some brief descriptions of what is seen (no real details in that department), and the main character's primary thoughts. I like to be immersed in what I'm reading; to feel it, to live it. You have to provide that information with your prose.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Well...it was clear enough. This piece was easy to read and your grammar seems to be on point (with the exception of one missed quotation mark at the beginning of a dialogue sentence). But, to be honest, I found the prose a bit on the sterile side. The piece gives all of the pertinent facts and does a good job of giving a new reader an overview of what's going on. It's the senses, that are missing. There are no sounds, no smells, no memories, no depth of feeling, nothing to real sink your imagination's teeth into. What is present, is only dialogue, some brief descriptions of what is seen (no real details in that department), and the main character's primary thoughts. I like to be immersed in what I'm reading; to feel it, to live it. You have to provide that information with your prose.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the review. I guess I just like telling stories more than writing publishable fiction. I agree whole-heartedly with your assessment of the prose. I am slowly working this into somethin better than it is. I appreciate your help.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Sophia is still lost, bewildered, in a fix to go for adoption, unsure of aunt's involvement in the murder, she can't forget Virgo; nice plot progression, fine thrill, mystery and horror, investigation going on, I continue liking and enjoying the read.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Sophia is still lost, bewildered, in a fix to go for adoption, unsure of aunt's involvement in the murder, she can't forget Virgo; nice plot progression, fine thrill, mystery and horror, investigation going on, I continue liking and enjoying the read.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
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Thank you, ALD, for the encouraging review. Bill
