The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Of Love and War Part3"Love Among the Thorns
29 total reviews
Comment from Zue65
Wow, I just love the nurse, she behaved so graciously, and with such control that she left Nathan alone in the room. She must really be a conscientious nurse whose mind is focused on her duty. It is like pleasure should not mixed with duty, thing. Well the next chapter will explain why the nurse behaved that way. God bless.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Wow, I just love the nurse, she behaved so graciously, and with such control that she left Nathan alone in the room. She must really be a conscientious nurse whose mind is focused on her duty. It is like pleasure should not mixed with duty, thing. Well the next chapter will explain why the nurse behaved that way. God bless.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thank you sassus for reviewing.
Comment from Tina McKala
Wow, this was really a great write! I just jumped in the story, but it was really engaging, original characters with pros and cons, not shallow, and that is something I love. Will keep my eye on this! :)
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Wow, this was really a great write! I just jumped in the story, but it was really engaging, original characters with pros and cons, not shallow, and that is something I love. Will keep my eye on this! :)
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thank you Tina. Glad you enjoyed
Comment from c_lucas
Nurses has to draw the line somewhere. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Nurses has to draw the line somewhere. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thanks lucas.
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You're welcome, Amahra. Charlie
Comment from chasennov
The Animal Doctor. 'Of Love And War.' Another beautiful chapter you have crafted here which I enjoyed reading, and when I mention that it means it was well written. Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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The Animal Doctor. 'Of Love And War.' Another beautiful chapter you have crafted here which I enjoyed reading, and when I mention that it means it was well written. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thank you chasennov.
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You're most welcome.
Comment from ccmwriter
The transition from deep love for Margaret to flirting and fondling Grace seemed too quick. Yet, I understand he's rebounding from that love-loss.
Here are some notes I made:
"Very nice. The girl is beautiful...like her mother."
(I was taught that each person speaking should have their own paragraph. Then again, I mostly write short-stories.)
Could I suggest that this paragraph needs work so you don't have so many "She's" in it?
This is the only chapter I've read of this work-in-progress. It will be interesting to read more of this book.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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The transition from deep love for Margaret to flirting and fondling Grace seemed too quick. Yet, I understand he's rebounding from that love-loss.
Here are some notes I made:
"Very nice. The girl is beautiful...like her mother."
(I was taught that each person speaking should have their own paragraph. Then again, I mostly write short-stories.)
Could I suggest that this paragraph needs work so you don't have so many "She's" in it?
This is the only chapter I've read of this work-in-progress. It will be interesting to read more of this book.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Than you ccmwriter.
Comment from Ekim777
It seems that death reigns supreme even for the survivors when it comes to warfare. To say that it is not fair or that life is cheap does not cover the canvas adequately. For those who can pause to think, we reach the realization that war is nothing but organized, mass lunacy. Why do we always fall for dying for a crude abstraction. And where does love come into it all? Can it only be felt as rough lust and a suggestion of passion. Only the insanely romantic can equate love and war. The rest must be satisfied with a bitter sense of life and death. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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It seems that death reigns supreme even for the survivors when it comes to warfare. To say that it is not fair or that life is cheap does not cover the canvas adequately. For those who can pause to think, we reach the realization that war is nothing but organized, mass lunacy. Why do we always fall for dying for a crude abstraction. And where does love come into it all? Can it only be felt as rough lust and a suggestion of passion. Only the insanely romantic can equate love and war. The rest must be satisfied with a bitter sense of life and death. -Ekim777
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thank you Ekim777.
Comment from marijmd
I know I have read the top section before. -Did you adjust the post? The end section was new to me. At first I thought he was going to force himself on her - not like him - but war changes men - I am glad in the end it was mutual and that when she went to leave he did not stop her.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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I know I have read the top section before. -Did you adjust the post? The end section was new to me. At first I thought he was going to force himself on her - not like him - but war changes men - I am glad in the end it was mutual and that when she went to leave he did not stop her.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Yes, the previous chapter was too long, so I edited that part out. Thank you marijmd for this review.
Comment from delighteer
This is a very well written piece. I really likes the senses employed. I would offer the suggestion that scent and touch along with altered physiology (breathing, body heat, muted speech and awakened pleasure can evoke a great response in a reader.
"Oh no. Not Mitchell and his cousin," Nathan said solemnly. You use an italicized and however a bold type might be better.
Nathan was beside himself when she began listing the young men who were killed in action. Some he knew better than others. "Oh no. Not Mitchell and his cousin," Nathan said solemnly. This paragraph stands alone and is very short.
There is a litany of he said and she said which can be eliminated by leaving no space between the quotes. Attribution is achieved without the he said and she said.
She melted into him, like candy to a flame... her arms folding around his neck. Freeing herself from his grip...she pulled her face back and he gazed into her eyes. She picked up the papers, cleared her throat and gently brushed by Nathan, leaving him standing in the room... alone. Why the ...?
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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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This is a very well written piece. I really likes the senses employed. I would offer the suggestion that scent and touch along with altered physiology (breathing, body heat, muted speech and awakened pleasure can evoke a great response in a reader.
"Oh no. Not Mitchell and his cousin," Nathan said solemnly. You use an italicized and however a bold type might be better.
Nathan was beside himself when she began listing the young men who were killed in action. Some he knew better than others. "Oh no. Not Mitchell and his cousin," Nathan said solemnly. This paragraph stands alone and is very short.
There is a litany of he said and she said which can be eliminated by leaving no space between the quotes. Attribution is achieved without the he said and she said.
She melted into him, like candy to a flame... her arms folding around his neck. Freeing herself from his grip...she pulled her face back and he gazed into her eyes. She picked up the papers, cleared her throat and gently brushed by Nathan, leaving him standing in the room... alone. Why the ...?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thank you delighteer. I'll revisit those lines.
Comment from Rondeno
We see everything, including the nightmare, from Nathan's point of view, and with great intensity. Then, without warning and for no literary reason, you throw the point of view to Grace, whom we've only just met. Publishers will regard this as a serious flaw if you ever try to have this book printed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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We see everything, including the nightmare, from Nathan's point of view, and with great intensity. Then, without warning and for no literary reason, you throw the point of view to Grace, whom we've only just met. Publishers will regard this as a serious flaw if you ever try to have this book printed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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If I did, it was an oversight. Tell me where it is. everything should be his POV. You have to tell me where the mistake is so I can correct it.
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Why do you say I "have to" take you to your mistake? Can't you read the piece for yourself?
