The Boat
A 5-7-5 poetry contest entry.214 total reviews
Comment from GWinterwin
Good poem and picture to illustrate how we do make some decisions that later in life , we wonder why we took that course. Good poem with words to make the reader look back in time.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Good poem and picture to illustrate how we do make some decisions that later in life , we wonder why we took that course. Good poem with words to make the reader look back in time.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your kind review of my poem :)
- G
Comment from visionary1234
Excellent entry Gabriel - unusual to do a 5-7-5, rhyming without sounding forced/ contrived. But you pulled it off. Risky! good luck! :)Sharyn
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Excellent entry Gabriel - unusual to do a 5-7-5, rhyming without sounding forced/ contrived. But you pulled it off. Risky! good luck! :)Sharyn
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you :P it was risky! And it was really really tough too. :P I appreciate it!
- G
Comment from Aletheia
Very thought provoking. I really like the imagery in your first line, and the end rhymes add to the flow and make it sound good when read aloud. Your last question you pose in your author notes made me think of that Talking Headds song "Same As It Ever Was".
Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Very thought provoking. I really like the imagery in your first line, and the end rhymes add to the flow and make it sound good when read aloud. Your last question you pose in your author notes made me think of that Talking Headds song "Same As It Ever Was".
Well done.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you, most people just ignore the author notes! I got a three star from two guys who couldnt see what I was trying to say and one said its incorrect form for a haiku. Sometimes I just feel like those people need a little bit *lifts keyboard menacingly* :P of that.
Comment from MarjorieAnne
Syllable count is exactly correct. Beginning alliteration and ending rhymes please the ear when read aloud. Maybe it's because the photo isn't showing, but I can't understand the situation, especially the word "yet" nor why it is humorous. Also it would probably be more widely appealing without two personal pronouns and "know not how to" is awkward.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Syllable count is exactly correct. Beginning alliteration and ending rhymes please the ear when read aloud. Maybe it's because the photo isn't showing, but I can't understand the situation, especially the word "yet" nor why it is humorous. Also it would probably be more widely appealing without two personal pronouns and "know not how to" is awkward.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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"Know not how to" is to keep on the syllable count and to add a bit of an old English Shakespeare type sound to it. Some browsers do not support all photo types, (its there I assure you! :P) Perhaps switching to google chrome or firefox would fix the problem. (not pressuring you) I also stated my own personal interpretation in the authors notes if you wish to go back and read them :P
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I made it be humor poetry, because it is quite humorous sometimes when your are in the situation and you find out that you are swamped by not knowing what to do. The thing to do is just laugh at yourself. Here I am on the pier, yet I know not how to steer is supposed to signify here I am, I'm right where im supposed to be, but what am I doing? I'm not really ready for this! Also I chose humor instead of physiological or logic poetry because the name just gives me a cold feeling and no-one wants to read something that would potentially make them uncomfortable.
Comment from fdgsr
The depth of the water is not in the texture of the surface or the length of the pier. You "...plow deep while sluggards sleep." Think deep, my friend, and you will make it to the end. I love it.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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The depth of the water is not in the texture of the surface or the length of the pier. You "...plow deep while sluggards sleep." Think deep, my friend, and you will make it to the end. I love it.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your very :P unique review. I'm glad that you loved it! I have been anticipating the contest time! I'm hoping that I will get as many positive reviews then as I am now!
Comment from ruminative scribbler
Your author's notes enhance your poem, thanks for including them.
Yes, a very thought provoking piece indeed.
Reminds me of Tracy Chapman's song , 'I Used To Be A Sailor' :)
Gorgeous metaphor and alliteration in, 'Stone still'
Has rhythm to it, and a nice rhyme.
Enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing. I wish you well in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Your author's notes enhance your poem, thanks for including them.
Yes, a very thought provoking piece indeed.
Reminds me of Tracy Chapman's song , 'I Used To Be A Sailor' :)
Gorgeous metaphor and alliteration in, 'Stone still'
Has rhythm to it, and a nice rhyme.
Enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing. I wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you :P I appreciate the support and the review :P I hope you will give me a shot when the time comes?
Comment from boxergirl
You have done a good job with your 5-7-5 poem structure and nice alliteration to with "stone still" to start it off.
And yes, I have felt this way many time. Not only in life situations but just driving down the road. :-) Good one and Good luck!
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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You have done a good job with your 5-7-5 poem structure and nice alliteration to with "stone still" to start it off.
And yes, I have felt this way many time. Not only in life situations but just driving down the road. :-) Good one and Good luck!
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you! I appreciate your review and your comments!
- G
Comment from jadapenn
Loved this. In my mind I get to the end of the pier and stand dead still, let my dreams take over of sailing the seven sees. I'm as free as a bird and not restricted in any way. This poem really spells great freedom to me. Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Loved this. In my mind I get to the end of the pier and stand dead still, let my dreams take over of sailing the seven sees. I'm as free as a bird and not restricted in any way. This poem really spells great freedom to me. Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much for the review jadapenn! :P (I really like all your stuff by the way! :P)
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Why thank you. But of course, I'm miss naughty and miss goody twoshoes! :)
Just call me jada. luv jada
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
A very interesting poem to just shut my eyes after I read it, This is a very well written with many colors and word images. Thank you.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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A very interesting poem to just shut my eyes after I read it, This is a very well written with many colors and word images. Thank you.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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:P Thank you for your review and your kind words! To have the readers approval is all I could dream of.
- G
Comment from kiwisteveh
Interesting entry for the 5-7-5 contest - as you say it is open to interpretation.
I liked the rhyming and the mystery evoked by your final words.
Good luck in the contest.
Steve
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Interesting entry for the 5-7-5 contest - as you say it is open to interpretation.
I liked the rhyming and the mystery evoked by your final words.
Good luck in the contest.
Steve
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you :P and thank you for the five stars,
