Louise , part 2
Young man lead astray by lust and faith.38 total reviews
Comment from Sally Carter
Oh my goodness, Gretchen. I never saw that coming! I read the first part, but was so snowed under, I thought I'd wait for the second and review the two together.
A wonderfully fluent read. I admit I was not spag-hunting as such, but glitches usually jump out at me and none did here.
I seem to remember you say something in your profile about liking to write about situations that pose a moral dilemma. You certainly did it in this story. Young infatuation -v- lust, experience -v- youth, exploitation, virtue -v- sin. Very strong changes of emotion, especially of course in that final development of the young man turning into a religious.. forgive me - nutter.
It seems far-fetched, but one only has to read some recent high profile cases (eg the guy on the island off, was it Norway? who murdered all those students) to realise there are apparently unremarkable people among us who hold a terrible potential to go off the edge.
I found myself asking an uncomfortable question when I got to the end. Are there any extremists who would find this outcome justified?
It was powerful story-writing, Gretchen, though I still didn't quite feel inside this guy's head. Perhaps that's the point.
Great job.
Yours
Sally
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2013
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Oh my goodness, Gretchen. I never saw that coming! I read the first part, but was so snowed under, I thought I'd wait for the second and review the two together.
A wonderfully fluent read. I admit I was not spag-hunting as such, but glitches usually jump out at me and none did here.
I seem to remember you say something in your profile about liking to write about situations that pose a moral dilemma. You certainly did it in this story. Young infatuation -v- lust, experience -v- youth, exploitation, virtue -v- sin. Very strong changes of emotion, especially of course in that final development of the young man turning into a religious.. forgive me - nutter.
It seems far-fetched, but one only has to read some recent high profile cases (eg the guy on the island off, was it Norway? who murdered all those students) to realise there are apparently unremarkable people among us who hold a terrible potential to go off the edge.
I found myself asking an uncomfortable question when I got to the end. Are there any extremists who would find this outcome justified?
It was powerful story-writing, Gretchen, though I still didn't quite feel inside this guy's head. Perhaps that's the point.
Great job.
Yours
Sally
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2013
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Sorry it took so long to reply, but work and now I have family in town. I'm glad you liked it and I was like you, thinking there are people like that. Using God or Allah or whatever for their own devices. I wanted this guy to be any guy. No premeditation involved. He got caught up in the moment and was over zealous. Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written again my friend easy to follow and a great closing to the story I enjoyed my friend well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2013
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Yes this is well written again my friend easy to follow and a great closing to the story I enjoyed my friend well done regards Jill
Comment Written 11-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Louise Michelle
Wow - you have really explored the inside of a disturbed mind with such chilling detail. My only complaint is that you used my name, lol. Have you been reading my diary, hee hee. Very nicely written. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2013
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Wow - you have really explored the inside of a disturbed mind with such chilling detail. My only complaint is that you used my name, lol. Have you been reading my diary, hee hee. Very nicely written. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 11-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2013
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I have another short story that was inspired by your diary. LOL. Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from trimple
Great story GW
My overall thoughts were that it all happened so quickly.
I wonder if a further chapter would have given us more insight into all three characters. The father brainwashing his son, I thought was a great source of negative nourishment, that ultimately prompted the delusional Tucker's to murder.
I would have liked to have read more about the tart without a heart too :) I guess what I am saying is that I wanted more :)
Great writing
Moreish!
kind regards
tracey :)
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2013
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Great story GW
My overall thoughts were that it all happened so quickly.
I wonder if a further chapter would have given us more insight into all three characters. The father brainwashing his son, I thought was a great source of negative nourishment, that ultimately prompted the delusional Tucker's to murder.
I would have liked to have read more about the tart without a heart too :) I guess what I am saying is that I wanted more :)
Great writing
Moreish!
kind regards
tracey :)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2013
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Thank you but that was one of the longest stories I have ever written. LOL. Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from adewpearl
What a chilling story as this passionate young man is unable to control his emotions, whether they be love for a woman who makes it clear they are only having a fling, or they be emotions of anger as she rejects him. It is even more chilling that he becomes persuaded that SHE is the evil one and he is somehow the vessel of God's morality. A most compelling look at the inner workings of a disturbed mind, well, two minds counting his father... Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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What a chilling story as this passionate young man is unable to control his emotions, whether they be love for a woman who makes it clear they are only having a fling, or they be emotions of anger as she rejects him. It is even more chilling that he becomes persuaded that SHE is the evil one and he is somehow the vessel of God's morality. A most compelling look at the inner workings of a disturbed mind, well, two minds counting his father... Brooke
Comment Written 09-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the wonderful review. I didn't want him to seem like a cold blooded killer, because I really don't think he was. He was over zealous and had the mentality that he, not God, could save her. Thanks again. Gretchen
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Gretchen,
I'm a Christian, and I believe in the power of Jesus, but the power of Lucifer is strong...it is as powerful as each individual will allow it to be. Tucker missed the point about baptism. Forcing one under the water in the name of baptism is simply getting one wet.
It was an interesting story, and I can relate to the lust and the guilt that came along with it.
Curtis
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Gretchen,
I'm a Christian, and I believe in the power of Jesus, but the power of Lucifer is strong...it is as powerful as each individual will allow it to be. Tucker missed the point about baptism. Forcing one under the water in the name of baptism is simply getting one wet.
It was an interesting story, and I can relate to the lust and the guilt that came along with it.
Curtis
Comment Written 09-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Lust and guilt go hand in hand. thank you for the great review and the insightful comments. Gretchen
Comment from MoonWillow
Oh my. I had a feeling he praying for her poor unworthy soul just a little too long. A serial killer in the making. It would be easy to continue this story even further, Gretchen. Get the police involved. Maybe a witness saw her sitting with him in the cafe. The way you've ended here, it wouldn't be hard to do. Is that you plan?
No spag that I noted, and once again beautifully done!! Sentences are concise, no straying off the subject. You make each word and thought count. I enjoyed the read!
:)willow
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Oh my. I had a feeling he praying for her poor unworthy soul just a little too long. A serial killer in the making. It would be easy to continue this story even further, Gretchen. Get the police involved. Maybe a witness saw her sitting with him in the cafe. The way you've ended here, it wouldn't be hard to do. Is that you plan?
No spag that I noted, and once again beautifully done!! Sentences are concise, no straying off the subject. You make each word and thought count. I enjoyed the read!
:)willow
Comment Written 09-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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No plan to keep this one going. I don't think I can take much more of Tucker. Thank you for the wonderful review and the stellar rating. Thank you for the compliments. You made my day. Gretchen
Comment from Bill Schott
Wow! From the hormone ruled youth to the self-justifying nutcase, Tucker has become the poster boy for over-corrected and under-directed youth. Brilliant job with the first-person narrative that never showed a sign of being implausible. Terrific! (Have to settle for an honorary 6)
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Wow! From the hormone ruled youth to the self-justifying nutcase, Tucker has become the poster boy for over-corrected and under-directed youth. Brilliant job with the first-person narrative that never showed a sign of being implausible. Terrific! (Have to settle for an honorary 6)
Comment Written 09-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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I will take the honorary 6 with pleasure. It is nice to know you enjoyed this. Tucker wasn't supposed to be a terrible kid, just over zealous in his attempt to 'save' Louise.
Gretchen
Comment from nancy_e_davis
HUH! I certainly never expected that!
I guess the kid was a little kooky?
Now! who's soul does the devil own?
You did a very good job on this story
Gretchen. Not your normal train of thought.
LOL Good job. Nancy
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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HUH! I certainly never expected that!
I guess the kid was a little kooky?
Now! who's soul does the devil own?
You did a very good job on this story
Gretchen. Not your normal train of thought.
LOL Good job. Nancy
Comment Written 09-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Tucker was just a little over zealous. LOL. Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Misrael
This reeks of sarcasm and I have to say that there are plenty of people like that. I think that we need to try and be more real in our faith. Yes I know this is fiction but there is some truth in fiction. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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This reeks of sarcasm and I have to say that there are plenty of people like that. I think that we need to try and be more real in our faith. Yes I know this is fiction but there is some truth in fiction. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Over zealous people are pretty scary, if only because they think they are as rational as you or I. thank you for the great review. Gretchen
