The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Loss of Innocence"Love Among the Thorns
30 total reviews
Comment from MelReyn
Hey Amahra! Thought I'd stop by and return the favor. ;)
First of, the twins make me smile. Lord willing that'll be my girls in eight years. ;)
I double checked your facts with the civil war vet. I was thrown off, I didn't think it would be for him to still be around for WW2. But if he were 16 at the very end of the Civil War, then he could still be around in 1939... He'd just be 90. I learned something today!
I loved being taken back in time. Great work!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Hey Amahra! Thought I'd stop by and return the favor. ;)
First of, the twins make me smile. Lord willing that'll be my girls in eight years. ;)
I double checked your facts with the civil war vet. I was thrown off, I didn't think it would be for him to still be around for WW2. But if he were 16 at the very end of the Civil War, then he could still be around in 1939... He'd just be 90. I learned something today!
I loved being taken back in time. Great work!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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You were thrown off because you checked the wrong war. It's WWI. I said Wilson not Roosevelt is President. But thanks for stopping by.
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I know what happened! I heard German and instantly thought Hitler and WW2. (Shaking my head.) Sorry about. Once I got Hitler in brain all was lost.
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No problem.
Comment from jobax
Very nicely done fanstory chapter. The flow of the chapter is good with good imagery. The historical correlation is very good and the convincing discussion of the period by the individuals is excellent.
Captivating writing.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Very nicely done fanstory chapter. The flow of the chapter is good with good imagery. The historical correlation is very good and the convincing discussion of the period by the individuals is excellent.
Captivating writing.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review.
Comment from emjaihammond
An interesting time in history to learn and to write about. I know so little about it compared to other times of war. Your characters and their reactions are real and emotional. Thanks for the transport back into time with this interesting entry.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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An interesting time in history to learn and to write about. I know so little about it compared to other times of war. Your characters and their reactions are real and emotional. Thanks for the transport back into time with this interesting entry.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you for reading and enjoying my story.
Comment from c_lucas
War is no respecter of person. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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War is no respecter of person. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you Lucas.
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You're welcome.
Comment from TOMORAL
A great read. Your characters are so real I felt I was in the room with them with your perfect showing. I could feel the build up of fear and excitement of war running through them all.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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A great read. Your characters are so real I felt I was in the room with them with your perfect showing. I could feel the build up of fear and excitement of war running through them all.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much for reading.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
A well written story, full of life (the 2 sisters) and intrigue (Will the US go to war..the Vet exchange)
Some suggestions:
"While some men gave their flesh willingly to the hot rays and showed off their bronze muscles as they pitched tents and unloaded crates of food, games and beverages."
CONSIDER: Pare down..keep it simple (I know it's style but..)
"As they pitched tents and unloaded crates of food, games and beverages, some men showed off their bronze muscles. willingly to the hot rays."
"... and New York fashionable wide brim hats."
CONSIDER:".."... and wide brim hats from New York City's fashionable salons."
"...to part them like the red sea.(Red Sea)
What is wrong with this passage?
"I pray to God He gives President Wilson ...
"I pretend not to pay....
"I know.
Has good bones.
Regards:
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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A well written story, full of life (the 2 sisters) and intrigue (Will the US go to war..the Vet exchange)
Some suggestions:
"While some men gave their flesh willingly to the hot rays and showed off their bronze muscles as they pitched tents and unloaded crates of food, games and beverages."
CONSIDER: Pare down..keep it simple (I know it's style but..)
"As they pitched tents and unloaded crates of food, games and beverages, some men showed off their bronze muscles. willingly to the hot rays."
"... and New York fashionable wide brim hats."
CONSIDER:".."... and wide brim hats from New York City's fashionable salons."
"...to part them like the red sea.(Red Sea)
What is wrong with this passage?
"I pray to God He gives President Wilson ...
"I pretend not to pay....
"I know.
Has good bones.
Regards:
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you Stephen for reading and for your great suggestions.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
I am reviewing both chapters four and five together as I am so far behind, I think I'm ahead.. or something silly like that.LOL I was actually happy to think Eva was pregnant, although felt that something would happen, as it turned out she was not pregnant at all. I did think Nate would go on with the wedding plans, but, maybe someday. If he joins the military, absence will surely make his 'heart grow fonder' as the saying goes. Historically, those were terribly emotional times and you are depicting the turmoil and the events quite accurately. The sinking of the 'Lusitania' was such a tragedy. One small edit (typo) in this chapter.lets get involve (d) and end.... Great write, Carolyn
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I am reviewing both chapters four and five together as I am so far behind, I think I'm ahead.. or something silly like that.LOL I was actually happy to think Eva was pregnant, although felt that something would happen, as it turned out she was not pregnant at all. I did think Nate would go on with the wedding plans, but, maybe someday. If he joins the military, absence will surely make his 'heart grow fonder' as the saying goes. Historically, those were terribly emotional times and you are depicting the turmoil and the events quite accurately. The sinking of the 'Lusitania' was such a tragedy. One small edit (typo) in this chapter.lets get involve (d) and end.... Great write, Carolyn
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much for reading. I'm so glad you liked it. Also, thank you for seeing my accuracy of the war. I don't think I'll tackle another period story. The research is brutal. Smile.
Comment from Titan Black
I'm thinking Nate will enter the war. For, he has
that much dedication to his country. Nevertheless,
I think this book is turning out to be a great write.
And I like that. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I'm thinking Nate will enter the war. For, he has
that much dedication to his country. Nevertheless,
I think this book is turning out to be a great write.
And I like that. Keep writing.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much for the encouragement. I really need it my friend. I'm glad you are liking my novella.
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No problem. And let me know what you think of my
poetry. And fan me. Because networking works. Stay connected.
Comment from Gungalo
So goes the war I think. Many a family was torn because of decisions such as this. Your writing is wonderfully clear girl. It was easy to come in out of the cold.
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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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So goes the war I think. Many a family was torn because of decisions such as this. Your writing is wonderfully clear girl. It was easy to come in out of the cold.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. Hope you liked it.
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Yes I did girl.
Comment from Quillian
I admire fine writing and that is what this is. Setting the approaching war against a typical American small town picnic, increases the tension; what will happen to each of these characters? In your Author notes, you refer to Duchess mMargaret as Nathan's 'loss' love, did you mean lost? It's a pleasure to read a talented writer on Fanstory. Good Luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I admire fine writing and that is what this is. Setting the approaching war against a typical American small town picnic, increases the tension; what will happen to each of these characters? In your Author notes, you refer to Duchess mMargaret as Nathan's 'loss' love, did you mean lost? It's a pleasure to read a talented writer on Fanstory. Good Luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Awh thank you so much for the confidence. I do so want to be a good writer. Thank you for saying I'm on the right track. Yes, I did mean lost; I'll change it immediately.
