Who Let the Cows Out
Having a moooing good time28 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is very cute. Kids will llove it. Just one thing I'd do... elaborate a bit at the end. Show what Gus says or is thinking when he sees so many cows. Kids aren't as quick to catch on to his reason for not stopping, so give them some help here. It would also make for a less abrupt ending.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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This is very cute. Kids will llove it. Just one thing I'd do... elaborate a bit at the end. Show what Gus says or is thinking when he sees so many cows. Kids aren't as quick to catch on to his reason for not stopping, so give them some help here. It would also make for a less abrupt ending.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Awesome point, Phyllis I like that thought. Once I get all the reviews, I'll make the adjustment. Always appreciated... John
Comment from adewpearl
What a fantastic visual of the bus stopping to pick up a cow with her hoof signaling she wants to ride LOL
another great illustration would be all the children at the school taking turns riding the cow
Gus, the driver, and took - add the second comma
good humor in Gus refusing to stop for thirty cows who are following her lead LOL
a couple of notes:
the first time she gets on the bus you say it has pets and farm animals as passengers as well as people BUT you make it sound like Clara is doing something no other animals at her farm have ever done before - I like the idea of Clara as a trailblazer/innovator, so I would think about not having other farm animals on the bus that first day
Also, you say you are gearing this to 7-9 year old readers, but you have her get off at a nursery school where the children take rides. Most kids want to read about children their own age. Most 8 year old readers wouldn't be all that interested in Clara's entertaining 4 year olds. I would change the school to an elementary school because of that.
Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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What a fantastic visual of the bus stopping to pick up a cow with her hoof signaling she wants to ride LOL
another great illustration would be all the children at the school taking turns riding the cow
Gus, the driver, and took - add the second comma
good humor in Gus refusing to stop for thirty cows who are following her lead LOL
a couple of notes:
the first time she gets on the bus you say it has pets and farm animals as passengers as well as people BUT you make it sound like Clara is doing something no other animals at her farm have ever done before - I like the idea of Clara as a trailblazer/innovator, so I would think about not having other farm animals on the bus that first day
Also, you say you are gearing this to 7-9 year old readers, but you have her get off at a nursery school where the children take rides. Most kids want to read about children their own age. Most 8 year old readers wouldn't be all that interested in Clara's entertaining 4 year olds. I would change the school to an elementary school because of that.
Brooke
Comment Written 19-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Great points... After I finish receiving the reviews I'll go back and tweak the story. Thank you for the insight, always appreciated. John
Comment from marijmd
Ha ha very charming. I had no idea about cows being big gossips! Glad you told me - I will be sure not to give away too much next time I meet one.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Ha ha very charming. I had no idea about cows being big gossips! Glad you told me - I will be sure not to give away too much next time I meet one.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Oh yes, it's a well known fact that cows cannot keep secrets!!! Mooooo.
Thank you for reading and sharing. John
Comment from Roblac
John I like it quite a lot. I think my 8 year old will really like this story. There is enough in this story to keep them interested but if it was me I would have added a little action. Not that I am any expert, good luck good fortune.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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John I like it quite a lot. I think my 8 year old will really like this story. There is enough in this story to keep them interested but if it was me I would have added a little action. Not that I am any expert, good luck good fortune.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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I appreciate the feedback. I want to perfect this. John
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
As smart as 7-9 year olds are today they shouldn't have any trouble, The nine year olds it should be perfect for. Cute story. I enjoyed it and I'm 86 years old. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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As smart as 7-9 year olds are today they shouldn't have any trouble, The nine year olds it should be perfect for. Cute story. I enjoyed it and I'm 86 years old. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Thank you Evelyn for reading and sharing. John
Comment from Aussie
Maybe instead of 'she stuck out her hoof' I am visualising this, rather hard for a cow to do unless kicking with the back legs - how about - she wandered onto the road; bus stopped and Jeffery followed. They both squeezed through the bus door and were surprised to discover the seats were occupied by people? I did enjoy your children's story so much. This bus must have been gigantic to fit animals and humans! Maybe 'George the goat tipped his hat to Clara and Jeffery as they boarded,' - animal driver adds interest? Your story - go for it! LOL.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Maybe instead of 'she stuck out her hoof' I am visualising this, rather hard for a cow to do unless kicking with the back legs - how about - she wandered onto the road; bus stopped and Jeffery followed. They both squeezed through the bus door and were surprised to discover the seats were occupied by people? I did enjoy your children's story so much. This bus must have been gigantic to fit animals and humans! Maybe 'George the goat tipped his hat to Clara and Jeffery as they boarded,' - animal driver adds interest? Your story - go for it! LOL.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Thank you very much Kay. After all reviews are in I'm going to look at them all and perfect the story. Thanks for the suggestions. John
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi John,
did you say between the ages 7-9? Try between the ages of 7-90!
You have a wonderful imagination and I felt like I was back in my young years listening to one of my favorite teachers reading me a wonderful story. You know the black and white cows are the cows I grew up with when I was a little tacker... It brought back wonderful memories. Beautifully penned my friend... I can see a series of Clara and Jeffery exciting travels.
Kindest thoughts,
James
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Hi John,
did you say between the ages 7-9? Try between the ages of 7-90!
You have a wonderful imagination and I felt like I was back in my young years listening to one of my favorite teachers reading me a wonderful story. You know the black and white cows are the cows I grew up with when I was a little tacker... It brought back wonderful memories. Beautifully penned my friend... I can see a series of Clara and Jeffery exciting travels.
Kindest thoughts,
James
Comment Written 18-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Wow...a series? Never thought of it that way. I'll have to give that some thought. Thanks James for the encouragement. Reviewers as yourself keep me thinking and writing. Much appreciation, John
Comment from Joe Hudson
A nice little piece for kids. I like the short and concise sentences. I think that is the strength of the piece. Great job. Now, I'm going to get a glass of milk.
Joe
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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A nice little piece for kids. I like the short and concise sentences. I think that is the strength of the piece. Great job. Now, I'm going to get a glass of milk.
Joe
Comment Written 18-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Make mine chocolate. Thank you Joe for those stars. Your words of encouragement keep me writing. Appreciated my friend, John
Comment from gene roush
It's very cute.
I'm sure she'll really enjoy it.
Maybe a little animation would be nice.
Nice job, Gramps.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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It's very cute.
I'm sure she'll really enjoy it.
Maybe a little animation would be nice.
Nice job, Gramps.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
Comment Written 18-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Thank you gene for the generous stars and great review. John
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi John,
What a fun story. I was smiling from the very beginning until the last word. Well done. Kids everywhere would love this story, warm, friendly and a great joyous humour.
Thanks for sharing.
Bye
Rosalyne
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Hi John,
What a fun story. I was smiling from the very beginning until the last word. Well done. Kids everywhere would love this story, warm, friendly and a great joyous humour.
Thanks for sharing.
Bye
Rosalyne
Comment Written 18-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Thank you Rosalyne for a great review. I appreciate you stopping by to read and share. John
