Who Let the Cows Out
Having a moooing good time28 total reviews
Comment from Zue65
Your story is really a treat for children, they will definitely enjoy this. And I predict, schools will use this story as reference material for children. There is humor in the ending to see 30 mooing cows waiting for the bus. Very imaginative, even adults would love this also. God bless.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Your story is really a treat for children, they will definitely enjoy this. And I predict, schools will use this story as reference material for children. There is humor in the ending to see 30 mooing cows waiting for the bus. Very imaginative, even adults would love this also. God bless.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Nassus... Thank you. John
Comment from fishhook
Excellent end, short, concise and to the point.
It is true that the adventure is only an adventure until everyone wants to do it, then its just a trip. I have faith Clara will find something new to fill her time.
Great use of the rule of three for picture book manuscripts.
Good character interaction
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Excellent end, short, concise and to the point.
It is true that the adventure is only an adventure until everyone wants to do it, then its just a trip. I have faith Clara will find something new to fill her time.
Great use of the rule of three for picture book manuscripts.
Good character interaction
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Okay... Now I feel like a dope. "Rule of three"? As in number of characters?.... Please explain?
Thank you for reading, sharing and instructing. John
Comment from barkingdog
I'm afraid that I'm not much help on the vocabulary that a 7-9 year old reader might have. The story seems fine though. A little more repetition of a key line or phrase always perks up a children's story. Maybe find one for her to say and make it your theme. I wasn't quite sure of your theme.(Escaping day to day routine? Learning new things? Being curious is good? Learning about the outside world takes courage/a first step?) I felt sorry for all the cows being left by the bus when they finally decided to copy Clara and go for a ride.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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I'm afraid that I'm not much help on the vocabulary that a 7-9 year old reader might have. The story seems fine though. A little more repetition of a key line or phrase always perks up a children's story. Maybe find one for her to say and make it your theme. I wasn't quite sure of your theme.(Escaping day to day routine? Learning new things? Being curious is good? Learning about the outside world takes courage/a first step?) I felt sorry for all the cows being left by the bus when they finally decided to copy Clara and go for a ride.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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Thank you Dog. I appreciate that you took the time to read SMS share. John
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hi John,
I like this story. It didn't end the way I expected it to end. What might be its strongest appeal is the fact that nothing dreadful happens to anyone. The worst trait we encounter is some "gossipy cows". Well done, my friend. Ray
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Hi John,
I like this story. It didn't end the way I expected it to end. What might be its strongest appeal is the fact that nothing dreadful happens to anyone. The worst trait we encounter is some "gossipy cows". Well done, my friend. Ray
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Thank you Ray. I always appreciate your stopping to read my work. Briefly, what was the ending you were after. I'm taking all reviews and then I'm going back into the story and work to improve it.
That's if you don't mind sharing. Be good my friend, John
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This ending is fine. I wasn't looking for anything specific. I was simply wondering how it would end. I didn't see this ending coming, and when it arrived I didn't expect the driver to go right on past. I actually like this ending. Ray
Comment from Connie C
What a delightful little story this is, John. I think a child would thoroughly enjoy reading this. I really like the part about the kids trying to decide if Clara was white with black spots or black with white spots. Very cute! And the ending is great.
Connie
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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What a delightful little story this is, John. I think a child would thoroughly enjoy reading this. I really like the part about the kids trying to decide if Clara was white with black spots or black with white spots. Very cute! And the ending is great.
Connie
Comment Written 19-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Connie, thank you very much for reading and reviewing. Always appreciated. John
Comment from SteveY
Well this is a wonderful story. Great for little kids to gather around and listen and maybe learn some life lessons. Excellent job!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Well this is a wonderful story. Great for little kids to gather around and listen and maybe learn some life lessons. Excellent job!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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I received all good reviews, many with suggestions to make it better. Look for a re-post on a week. Thank you for reading... John
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Uh, John? Jeffery isn't a cow. Children younger than 5 know the difference, and 7-9 year olds can read "bull" just fine. Otherwise, this is an adorable story. :) nancy
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Uh, John? Jeffery isn't a cow. Children younger than 5 know the difference, and 7-9 year olds can read "bull" just fine. Otherwise, this is an adorable story. :) nancy
Comment Written 19-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Holy bull-sh...! Do I feel like an idiot...I honestly, really never knew the following...
There are several names applied to bovines (cattle), depending on their gender, age, and reproductive status.
An adult female bovine that has given birth is called a cow.
A young female bovine that has not given birth is called a heifer.
An adult female that has not given birth is often called a heiferette.
An intact (not castrated) adult male is a bull.
A castrated male is a steer.
Young bovines are called calves, usually "bull calf" or "heifer calf", depending on the gender.
I need to re-do my story a bit, which I was going to do after all the reviews...
Thank you Nancy, very much appreciated. John
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Unless the kids are from cattle country, you probably want to skip the "steer" designation. They're steaks and hamburger. :D Nancy
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend I liked the way you brought the cows to life I think children will love this I would go for 4-6 year olds though that maybe just me well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Yes this is well written my friend I liked the way you brought the cows to life I think children will love this I would go for 4-6 year olds though that maybe just me well done regards Jill
Comment Written 19-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Thank you Jill for your feedback. John
Comment from IndianaIrish
Gosh, I love your kids and animal stories, John. You do so well in making their adventures come to life. One suggestion I have is that kids love conflicts and thinking how they would solve the problem. You did that with your Chloe and Mindy story. Maybe you can work in a conflict somewhere here?
10 o'clock ( I just read yesterday that when o'clock is used, the number is written out ... ten o'clock)
"Jeffery, where does the bus go?" Why doesn't he answer her question?
"Jeffery, you want to come with me?" Again, why no answer to her question?
she needed two seats to sit, so after some maneuvering (at first I thought Jeffery got on the bus and that's why she looked for two seats. Also, maybe describe briefly what maneuvering was needed to get Clara two seats to sit down so the kids will understand what that means)
The next day she was better prepared (the farmer kept leaving the gate open? By mistake or by accident?) Clara sadly hopped back on (maybe its me, John, but I'm having trouble with hopping cows) "Bye(,) kiddies..
Gus, the driver(,)
Kiss me Quick hat (??)
Maybe explain a wee bit the reason why Gus wouldn't stop for Clara and her friends.
I know I've said this before, but I'm so happy you're doing these stories, John. They're your niche.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Gosh, I love your kids and animal stories, John. You do so well in making their adventures come to life. One suggestion I have is that kids love conflicts and thinking how they would solve the problem. You did that with your Chloe and Mindy story. Maybe you can work in a conflict somewhere here?
10 o'clock ( I just read yesterday that when o'clock is used, the number is written out ... ten o'clock)
"Jeffery, where does the bus go?" Why doesn't he answer her question?
"Jeffery, you want to come with me?" Again, why no answer to her question?
she needed two seats to sit, so after some maneuvering (at first I thought Jeffery got on the bus and that's why she looked for two seats. Also, maybe describe briefly what maneuvering was needed to get Clara two seats to sit down so the kids will understand what that means)
The next day she was better prepared (the farmer kept leaving the gate open? By mistake or by accident?) Clara sadly hopped back on (maybe its me, John, but I'm having trouble with hopping cows) "Bye(,) kiddies..
Gus, the driver(,)
Kiss me Quick hat (??)
Maybe explain a wee bit the reason why Gus wouldn't stop for Clara and her friends.
I know I've said this before, but I'm so happy you're doing these stories, John. They're your niche.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
Comment Written 19-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Thanks for that great review. I really like this story for some odd reason. Your points are all valid. Once I get all the reviews I'm going to re-do it to strengthen and tighten it up. The problem is, there are many "cow" children's books out on the market. Maybe I should change the animal? Maybe an orangutan or hippopotamus, I don't know... So many questions and no answers.... JohnnyD
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I really liked the story, too, and it has lots of possibilities to continue. I guess it would be difficult to decide what animal you want to use. Cows are one kids are familiar with and can relate to, and another animal might be one where you have an open door to teach and explore ways to write their adventures. You did a great job with Clara and Jeffery.
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
John I think it is perfect for a kid to start reading on. You don't want him to start with too many big words. Noble inspiration and workpiece. Well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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John I think it is perfect for a kid to start reading on. You don't want him to start with too many big words. Noble inspiration and workpiece. Well done, my friend.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2013
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Thank you Schalk for the encouraging review. Always in appreciation. John
