Reviews from

Employed

Rondeau Redouble - Work Ethics Vs Starvation

40 total reviews 
Comment from Louise Michelle
Excellent
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Hey Girl,

Speaking of using skills or losing them, I'm happy to see you haven't let your wit and rhyme get rusty. Isn't it about 11:00 AM in your neck of the wood? Get your lazy ass to work, lol.

Just thought of another option. Put your kiddies on the street to beg for money. Be sure to dress them in rags and darken under their eyes. "Please, Sir, can I have some more?" (Oliver Twist)

Hugs,
Lou

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    LOL Oh I'm on fire this end mate...thanks for your splendid analogy of my bludging arse. Now I can't send the 7 year old out on the street he is at College. LMAO The four year old is already graduating from kindy in term 2 so she can start Highschool in term 3. If the education fails they will BOTH have a fucking future in Drama. LMAO Yes, (hanging head) they take after their Mother in the entertainment section...LMAO
    Now my lazy arse is already at work...I'm self employed remember? LOL I reopened my sign business and did another website which adjoins the name frame one...I need income NOW and the frames will take awhile to get up and running, plus I'm too broke to advertise! LOL Ah the vicious circle.
    Not to worry...if you hear of any one after a smut writer or two, I'm in line straight after you honey! LOL
    Hugs and thanks for stopping by...
    C.P.
    xo
reply by Louise Michelle on 05-Aug-2013
    Oh, my goodness! Such progressive children you have. A seven year old in college and your wee won ready for high school. They'll be supporting you in no time, giggle giggle.

    You had mentioned something about going back to graphic design work. I realize this can be done from home, but for some reason I thought you were on a company payroll. I really don't know anything about how that business works.

    Okay, S.Q., put your money where your mouth is. I want something smutsational, hee hee. Hugs, LouLou
Comment from Dean Kuch
Excellent
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I loved the way in which this was formatted, where the first line of the first stanza beomes the last line of the second, and the second line, of the first stanza becomes the last line of the second, then follows pattern until the very last stanza, where none of the lines in it appear anywhere else in the poem. Not to mention this was very nicely written poem, which doesn't hurt matters in the least.

Nicely done, closetpoetjester!

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    Thanks Dean, I appreciate you stopping by and I DO admire this format. It picks up just enough of the line before to keep the story in check with someone worth repeating...like "It seems I'll have to be employed"...haha
    Your kind analaysis of my complete laziness and bludgery is very welcomed...gotta fly
    Cheers P
Comment from elchupakabra
Excellent
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I think we can all appreciate what it feels like to dread going back to work. This piece is very well put together, great rhyme scheme and flow and good imagery in the linework. Great job overall

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    Thankyou for your delightful review. Oh it was dreaded for sure. I had both feet firmly welded to that hammock for awhile. LMAO
    Cheers P
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Excellent
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What a travesty of justice for the artistic world. I mean, really, do you have to report somewhere at a prescribed time? How loathsome!

Well, I hope there are some redeeming qualities, nice people, negotiable hours?

Great poem and perfect expression of the reality against the disappointment of schedules.

I'm so worried about your laundry. Ingrid

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    No no no...f**k any prescribed time mate...totally negotiable honey...I am SELF employed! LMAO
    I have an internet business (feel free to check it out - www.yournameframe.com.au) which I had a brainwave for around 4 years ago at a Mum's Group meet...long story...inbetween writing and slacking I've finally got it up and running but its not really viable yet. So I've had to resort to what I know best which is graphic art and sign making (its what I used to do) Had my own business for 14 years but shut it down when hubby darling busted his left femur. People didn't want us to shut down but I had no option as it was only hubby and I in the business with a six month old baby...impossible for me to look after one small baby, a big baby and a business baby...I'm Wonderwoman, NOT SuperBitch! Anyway...After getting back into writing after closing the sign shop and being all consumed I lost the drive to work for awhile to be blatantly honest and if I could get a gig writing for the rest of my days that actually paid halfway decent I'd fling the graphic art tomorrow.
    Not gonna happen. Now...when the f**k are you coming over to do my laundry?
    LMAO
    Hugs Phillippa xoxo
    PS Loved your review and the fact you care so much.
reply by Spiritual Echo on 04-Aug-2013
    Me? Laundry. you can't put anything away and I have piles of clothes (dirty) hidden all over the house. Just go buy more drawers and turn on the damn machine when I get desperate. Don't wait for any help from me.

    I'll check out your web site.

    Yes, I care. You have spunk, a nasty sense of humour and genuine talent.

    I hate poetry, but I love yours. ingrid

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    Seriously? You HATE poetry? 'Cept mine?

    WOW

    You sure know how to flatter.
    Thanks mate.

    How bout I wash the dirties and YOU put the clean piles away? It's crazy, but it just might work.

    X
    Phillippa
reply by Spiritual Echo on 04-Aug-2013

    Not llpoetry....most poetry, and certainly not yours.

    Sounds like a deal with the laundry...might work. Prepare to sepend a month in Canada.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    I'm on me way.
Comment from Joan E.
Excellent
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I can relate, having worked my way through college and about thirty-five years of my forty-two years of marriage (in September). I've enjoyed the past five years of retirement and writing poetry as a result. I am pleased that you squeeze in the time to write and check up on FanStory. I enjoyed your alternating rhymes and repeats. Your final stanza's "ship/waves/horizon" metaphors are quite effective. Back to work, my friend--see you during the next break--hugs- Joan

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    LOL Thanks Joan...I love it when you stop by...thirty five? Wow, congrats on the longetivity and obvious patience in your genes..haha
    I knew the day was coming, just hadn't planned on its arrival on my shores quite this soon...not to worry, onward and workward.
    LOL
    Cheers P
    xo
reply by Joan E. on 05-Aug-2013
    As I said before, I'm sure you'll use your workplace experience as another channel for your creativity--plus material for future poems! Here's to more positive experiences. Cheers- Joan
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Excellent
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Hey Closet,
As always your rhythm and rhyme is top notch. In fact the whole work is top notch - and that seems to be lacking in a lot of work here. Take your time girl, and look after you....supermom is highly overrated - :P
Thanks for sharing.
me
x

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    Hey M
    Thanks so much for stopping buy and yes I agree. FS is sadly lacking in halfway decent talent at times. I love being in the Yummy Mummy brigade but even that has its expectations...Work, unfortunately is what makes the money go round, not LOVE so I gotta perform.
    I have a saying on my wall in my office

    Looks like a lady
    Talks like a man
    And works like a dog!

    Its my new motto. LOL
    Hugs P
    xo
reply by Maureen's Pen on 04-Aug-2013
    Damn girl I need to borrow those three lines....:)
    Hugs back
    m
    x
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    Take them...I'm a sharer.
    Well, ahem...with MOST things...LOL

    'Cept my men. LMAO
    Got any spare Firey's?
    LOL
reply by Maureen's Pen on 04-Aug-2013
    There is one or two still in my closet (no pun intended -though that is damn funny!)
    I'm still in recovery mode so taking it a wee bit easier... I did say a weeeeee bit:)
    Hugs
    me
    x
Comment from catch22
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi dear P! What a skillfully written rondeau redouble--never attempted one of these before, but it looks fun. Excellent use of iambic tetrameter throughout your quatrains, and the rhyming is natural as granola. I love the "oyed" rhyme, and am impressed you found so many words to fit your theme in this rhyme. Outstanding work, and I hope the work world is every bit as exciting as your poem makes it sound:) I also just started a new job and went through an interstate move, so let's wish each other luck!

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    Wow mate, thanks so much. Yes I love the RR its such a cool format with the repeats...just enough to bear an annoyance if something is worth going on about...like getting a f**kin job. LOL
    Anyways I'm SELF employed so really it was all up to ME when i gave myself my job back again hahaha
    I was just hedging. Still, with a bone dry well and two tiny mouths to feed something has to give. My hub only works part time at the moment due to a permanent leg injury he has...long story. I knew I would have to go back to work when my little girl starts school next year.
    I see you are in employment now too, good for you and good luck with working your arse off hahaha.
    Hugs and thanks for the sixer.
    Cheers P
    xo
reply by catch22 on 05-Aug-2013
    You're too funny. Thanks for the encouragement about work and best of luck to you and your family. Hugs:)
Comment from vapros
Excellent
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Yep, this is a very fine poem. I recognize the organized progression of the repeated lines, but I can't remember what it is called. Anyway, you have written it well, and I get the impression you think you need to get a job. Well is dry, hungry mouths, cashless void - all good concepts for this message. And you have invented a word, also. Fleed?

v

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    Thanks so much and yes this is a Rondeau Redouble. I appreciate your review and yes, I had the distinct impression when I went to the well and it was dry that we would need some money pulled from somewhere and that other well is dry too. LMEAO (E=Empty) LOL
    Thanks for your enchanting review and what? I invented "fleed"?? No, it was there the whole time. You know...I had to flee...I fleed. Or is it fleeed?? Ah, who cares, I got a job now. LOL
    Cheers P
Comment from Kiki12
Excellent
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Very nicely done, it's almost a song you can sing on your way back to the grind. It is very difficult to step back in to that mindset - I have one foot off the hammock myself at the moment and I'm filled with dread.
Love this stanza-
Of conscience I have been devoid
From working ethics I have fleed
My scruples, are but all destroyed
A part time job is what I need

good luck with everything I'm sure you'll have lots to write about :)
xx
Kiki

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 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    Aww thanks KK you've highlighted my fave stanza...I have no scruples, but I at least now have a job. Maybe I'll get some back again. Haha
    Cheers and thanks for stopping by.
    Phillippa
    x
Comment from Sararb
Excellent
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An original creative humorous poem. It made me smile. This guy clearly does not want to go back to work. Poor fellow. Sounds like a tough job that he has. Great work! Sararb :)

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 Comment Written 04-Aug-2013


reply by the author on 04-Aug-2013
    What do you mean THIS GUY? LMAO
    It's actually THIS GIRL. Ah, no matter, I forgive you...I tend to talk like a bloke! Haha
    Thanks for a choice review. Cheers P