Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Kuta Moon, Part II"Murder Mystery
43 total reviews
Comment from donkeyoatey
This is getting more complex..and yes, mystical. I look foreward to reading more, the tension is building really well! Donkeyoatey
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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This is getting more complex..and yes, mystical. I look foreward to reading more, the tension is building really well! Donkeyoatey
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much, Donkeyoatey. I appreciate you taking time to review my chapter! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Norbanus
I love your impressive phrasing, Bev. Delightful terms like: 'Grasses, both green and gold, lay flattened in a tight circle...' and 'A bank of cumulus clouds released an imprisoned sun...' are worthy of a master writer.
You keep the tension up and the answers few. I saw no opportunities for improvement.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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I love your impressive phrasing, Bev. Delightful terms like: 'Grasses, both green and gold, lay flattened in a tight circle...' and 'A bank of cumulus clouds released an imprisoned sun...' are worthy of a master writer.
You keep the tension up and the answers few. I saw no opportunities for improvement.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Thanks so much, N. I so appreciate your gracious review and supportive insights. Means a lot to me. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
Bev, dear friend - mutual admiration this week!!
A fabulous, riveting read as we head into the supernatural. So very well done, lovely lady - so proud of you!
Hugs and kisses xxx (and smiles!) :) :)
Suggestions (only if you want them!)/ Spags:
The majority of the sun .. doesn't sound entirely right - suggest: ... all but a sliver of sun ...
banged violently ... more correct than: violently banged
The light melody of his dog tags warned Ty of the dog's approach .. suggest: of the animal's approach (as you've already used 'dog'
Some day (two words, not one)
that was left behind ... suggest: that he'd left behind
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Bev, dear friend - mutual admiration this week!!
A fabulous, riveting read as we head into the supernatural. So very well done, lovely lady - so proud of you!
Hugs and kisses xxx (and smiles!) :) :)
Suggestions (only if you want them!)/ Spags:
The majority of the sun .. doesn't sound entirely right - suggest: ... all but a sliver of sun ...
banged violently ... more correct than: violently banged
The light melody of his dog tags warned Ty of the dog's approach .. suggest: of the animal's approach (as you've already used 'dog'
Some day (two words, not one)
that was left behind ... suggest: that he'd left behind
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Thanks so much, Sonali. I really appreciate the great review and the encouragement of your insights. Thanks, also, for the great suggestions. I really appreciate it, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from JM daSilva
I'm very curious about why he obeys the entity inside him. I'm not so sure whether he is letting the being take over, or whether he has no choice. I was able to follow the first scene better than the one with the entity, but I guess you did it on purpose to show some mental confusion. So, all good.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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I'm very curious about why he obeys the entity inside him. I'm not so sure whether he is letting the being take over, or whether he has no choice. I was able to follow the first scene better than the one with the entity, but I guess you did it on purpose to show some mental confusion. So, all good.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Hi, JM. In a true possession state, there is a tremendous internal battle between the healthy ego and the invading spirit. This creates increasingly erratic behavior. In my story, I'm leading to the realization that terrific trauma can open the door to a spiritual infestation that slowly gains in power.
Thanks for the great review, my friend.
Warmest regards, Bev
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Great pleasure. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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Thanks again, JM. :0)
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Welcome. Great pleasure.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Incredible post that already has me scared to take the dogs out after dark tonight! So thanks for that, Bev. LOL!
It was the footprints of something unknown that stopped at the tree. Holy crap. You're an instigator of goose bumps and hair raising.
I've heard about the smells associated with the presence of demons. How frightening is that? And the thought of being watched from the woods like that... I get the chills.
Ty, being native, has an advantage over the white man. The aboriginals are more in tune to the paranormal, and don't scoff at the likelihood of spiritual interference, be it good or bad.
So, he's left some evidence behind. Will they find and use it, I wonder?
This is just the most amazing story. Better than so many I've read that are published already. Great work, my friend.
A pretend six, since that's all I can give you. :(
Love Av
xx
He straightened and turned at (a) muffled, unusual sounds coming from the woods. - don't think you need the 'a' here?
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Incredible post that already has me scared to take the dogs out after dark tonight! So thanks for that, Bev. LOL!
It was the footprints of something unknown that stopped at the tree. Holy crap. You're an instigator of goose bumps and hair raising.
I've heard about the smells associated with the presence of demons. How frightening is that? And the thought of being watched from the woods like that... I get the chills.
Ty, being native, has an advantage over the white man. The aboriginals are more in tune to the paranormal, and don't scoff at the likelihood of spiritual interference, be it good or bad.
So, he's left some evidence behind. Will they find and use it, I wonder?
This is just the most amazing story. Better than so many I've read that are published already. Great work, my friend.
A pretend six, since that's all I can give you. :(
Love Av
xx
He straightened and turned at (a) muffled, unusual sounds coming from the woods. - don't think you need the 'a' here?
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Av, I always so enjoy hearing from you and getting your insights. Thanks so much, my friend, for the super review and the 'pretend' six. That means so much to me. Love you, Bev
Comment from AprilShower
I have had a very hard time trying to comprehend what's happening in this chapter, Bev.
Is Eddie the other alter boy who the dead Matthew had a relationship with and is he demon possessed or an insane person who has become serial killer?
Was Ty expecting to find a body where the crime scene tape blew in the wind? Did it disappear? Whose body was it, and
Who owns Eddie's soul, a demon?
Will everything be cleared up in the next chapter?
Hugs,
April
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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I have had a very hard time trying to comprehend what's happening in this chapter, Bev.
Is Eddie the other alter boy who the dead Matthew had a relationship with and is he demon possessed or an insane person who has become serial killer?
Was Ty expecting to find a body where the crime scene tape blew in the wind? Did it disappear? Whose body was it, and
Who owns Eddie's soul, a demon?
Will everything be cleared up in the next chapter?
Hugs,
April
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Yes, Eddie was close to the dead altar boy. The crime scene had been cleared by the time Ty came out of the woods. It was in a past chaper when they found the dead body of Fritz Buell on a bench by the lake. A demon is affecting Eddie's behavior. Hope that helps! Thanks for the review, April, I appreciate your support. Hugs, Bev
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Apparently, it was taken away while he was searching for more information or evidence and that's why he seemed surprised when he returned to the crime scene.
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Right, April :0)
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this si very wel lwritten, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the watcher sees one who looks like the one he wants, the tracker sees something supernatural in the tracks.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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this si very wel lwritten, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the watcher sees one who looks like the one he wants, the tracker sees something supernatural in the tracks.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Thanks so much for your gracious review, sweetwoodjax. :0) Bev
Comment from Connie C
Hi Bev,
Nice description in the third paragraph where you mention how "a bank of cumulus clouds released an imprisoned sun." It sounds so poetic! Pretty creepy part about what happens to the footprints when they get up to the tree in the 9th paragraph. You do have a way with implying scary situations. Good physical description of Eddie.
You continue to impress me, Bev, with how well you keep me (and I'm sure many others) hanging on and wanting to know what's happening next.
I tried really hard to find a few spags so I could offer some constructive criticism, but I don't see any, so as usual, all I can say is, "Great job!"
Keep 'em coming!
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Hi Bev,
Nice description in the third paragraph where you mention how "a bank of cumulus clouds released an imprisoned sun." It sounds so poetic! Pretty creepy part about what happens to the footprints when they get up to the tree in the 9th paragraph. You do have a way with implying scary situations. Good physical description of Eddie.
You continue to impress me, Bev, with how well you keep me (and I'm sure many others) hanging on and wanting to know what's happening next.
I tried really hard to find a few spags so I could offer some constructive criticism, but I don't see any, so as usual, all I can say is, "Great job!"
Keep 'em coming!
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Connie, heartfelt thanks for this awesome and so-generous review. Your insights are very valuable to me AND encouraging. Thank you for being such a great supporter for this novel. I can't begin to thank you enough! Love ya, Bev
Comment from judiverse
Great description of the crime scene, paragraph 2. Interesting background about Ty and his special instincts and knowledge that give him insight into the crime scene. He's ready to believe that some evil presence is in control of things. The Watcher is a mess. He's done the killing but is controlled by some force. Interesting that this speaks to The Watcher using a kind of Biblical language. Your description of the foul smell around The Watcher makes an interesting detail. It sounds like The Watcher is close to snapping. He is getting tired of being controlled by this mysterious presence. Great work! judi
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Great description of the crime scene, paragraph 2. Interesting background about Ty and his special instincts and knowledge that give him insight into the crime scene. He's ready to believe that some evil presence is in control of things. The Watcher is a mess. He's done the killing but is controlled by some force. Interesting that this speaks to The Watcher using a kind of Biblical language. Your description of the foul smell around The Watcher makes an interesting detail. It sounds like The Watcher is close to snapping. He is getting tired of being controlled by this mysterious presence. Great work! judi
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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Thanks so much, Judi. I appreciate your insights and encouragement for this chapter! Hugs, Bev
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Hi, Bev. You're so welcome. I enjoy the way you bring in the separate reservation policing system. The Watcher is really spooky. judi
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Thanks for sharing that, judi. Appreciate it much. xxx Bev
Comment from c_lucas
The metaphysical world has many layer. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.Good job.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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The metaphysical world has many layer. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.Good job.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2013
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It sure does, charlie. Thanks so much for your gracious review and encouragement. Warm regards, Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie.
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