A Perfection's Worth
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Shackled in Shadows..."A dedication to unconditional love...
10 total reviews
Comment from DBastian
Nice lessons, Gregory. You certainly put quite a bit of effort into your writing. It's nice to have such an exploratory mind - and one that produces nice works like this ... simple thoughts with great impact from the form you choose. The build up is great to the final lines/conclusion.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Nice lessons, Gregory. You certainly put quite a bit of effort into your writing. It's nice to have such an exploratory mind - and one that produces nice works like this ... simple thoughts with great impact from the form you choose. The build up is great to the final lines/conclusion.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you again. You're always insightful. I enjoy these different styles, challenging. I really appreciate the fact you take the time to read them, and enjoy them! It means a great deal to me my friend. Thank you.
Comment from adewpearl
Your poem is in good syllable count and structure for the cinquain
vivid descriptive detail that creates mood powerfully
a compelling expression of love
Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Your poem is in good syllable count and structure for the cinquain
vivid descriptive detail that creates mood powerfully
a compelling expression of love
Brooke
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Thank you Brooke. That's a really great review, and helpful. Coming from you again that Does mean a lot. This style was tricky...
Again thank you!
Comment from samandlancelot
Greg,
I like your new picture. It'ss nice to see your whole family.
I love the way she was able to help you. Even though you were detached and the mud on you was thick, she washed your feed (like Jesus did), and unlocked what kept imprisoned. You made it back home again.
Such a poem of hope and redemption!
Patricia
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Greg,
I like your new picture. It'ss nice to see your whole family.
I love the way she was able to help you. Even though you were detached and the mud on you was thick, she washed your feed (like Jesus did), and unlocked what kept imprisoned. You made it back home again.
Such a poem of hope and redemption!
Patricia
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Yes I'm glad you caught that reference, I knew you would ;). Thank you so much for reading it. That means a lot that you enjoyed it. Really.
Comment from ravenblack
Uncuffed legs thick with mud as if you are freed from a chain gang laboring in the muck of depression. And she biblically washes your feet. My only concern is that the transition from the 3rd to 4th line is not clear , seeming as if her legs are covered in mud. This is cleared up w/she washed my feet but still may present problems for some readers.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Uncuffed legs thick with mud as if you are freed from a chain gang laboring in the muck of depression. And she biblically washes your feet. My only concern is that the transition from the 3rd to 4th line is not clear , seeming as if her legs are covered in mud. This is cleared up w/she washed my feet but still may present problems for some readers.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Hmmm I think I see what you mean. Like you don't know if I'm thick with mud or if she is? Hmm. Ill have to think on that one ;). Thank you for your insightful review as always. You're the best, thank you!
Comment from Sam Mendonca
Very well done. I think I would have a problem writing a poem with those syllable count.
I like the photo of the key... leaves the reader wondering. :D
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Very well done. I think I would have a problem writing a poem with those syllable count.
I like the photo of the key... leaves the reader wondering. :D
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much Sam. It was a challenge. I'm trying something else now too. Honestly I don't like being so trapped in a rhyming format (ironically that rhymed). It takes away some of the deeper meaning that could have been conveyed if there weren't so many rules BUT maybe I'm wrong. I like trying them out though! Thank you so much again.
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I know what you mean.
I'm trying to put the graphics olong with my writings (in one photo.
Comment from IndianaIrish
Your cinquain is great, Greg. You write such personal poetry that I can't help but read into your words on a more personal level. Your beautiful lady found you lost in the dark, washed away the yuck of the past, took you into the light...home.
Smiles,
Karyn :')
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Your cinquain is great, Greg. You write such personal poetry that I can't help but read into your words on a more personal level. Your beautiful lady found you lost in the dark, washed away the yuck of the past, took you into the light...home.
Smiles,
Karyn :')
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thank you again. You are spot on as always. It is referenced in the Bible too (washing of the feet) and she was washing away the pain from my youth, the "yuck". She indeed found me. You are always so insightful Karyn. Thank you so very much for your review. These styles are definitely a challenge, but fun! Thank you for your guidance too of course ;)
Comment from country ranch writer
GLAD SHE HAD THE KEY TO RELEASE YOU. SHE IS GLAD TO HAVE YOU HOME AND SHOWS IT BY WASHING YOUR MUDDY FEET AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HIDE IN THE SHADOWS NO MORE
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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GLAD SHE HAD THE KEY TO RELEASE YOU. SHE IS GLAD TO HAVE YOU HOME AND SHOWS IT BY WASHING YOUR MUDDY FEET AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HIDE IN THE SHADOWS NO MORE
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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That rhymes ya know? Clever. Thank you so much for your thoughts and kind review. You're awesome. "Home and More" (you say "no more" so I assume it goes "no mo' " when I rhyme it.
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HE HE lol
Comment from Ben Colder
You found it ! I must say the poetry is far better and seems to be getting there with more touch of the awe.
There are many forms of poetry and I stumble with just making it rhyme/ Well done
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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You found it ! I must say the poetry is far better and seems to be getting there with more touch of the awe.
There are many forms of poetry and I stumble with just making it rhyme/ Well done
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much. Yeah this was a tough one with iambic feet. Thank you for reviewing, really Ben. That's kind of you.
Comment from playinaround
Very nicely done. This reminds me of many stories in the bible that speak about the washing of feet. Could be that love was finally found. Thank you for sharing this wonderful cinquain!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Very nicely done. This reminds me of many stories in the bible that speak about the washing of feet. Could be that love was finally found. Thank you for sharing this wonderful cinquain!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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You are Absolutely right. I was hoping someone would catch that reference. Thank you for seeing that. And thank you for the warm review my friend.
Comment from donette1914
outstanding! the words were a well penned job. I love the words detached in shadows lost well done it was a pleasure to read your worl
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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outstanding! the words were a well penned job. I love the words detached in shadows lost well done it was a pleasure to read your worl
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much. I'm honored that you enjoyed it! Thank you!
