Reviews from

First Love Yourself

Lessons learned at fourteen

38 total reviews 
Comment from Shirley B
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Dear Bill, This is a wonderful story. I am so sorry you had to learn it so early in life, but it is good that you remembered it. I am glad you took the message to heart and knew the problem was with Susie and not yourself. This is a great story. Thank you for sharing. Best of luck in the contest, Shirley

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2013


reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
    Thank you Shirley. You are most generous. I very much appreciate your support and encouragement. Bill
Comment from Dawn Munro
Excellent
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Wow. I really loved this story! Just a couple of tiny edits:

1) Typo - "apparently the only participation (it) encouraged..."
2) "Well. Bill, it could mean a lot of things." << the sentence after this seems to be missing a word.

This reads like fiction, it's so well done. Wonderful!

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2013


reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
    Thanks so much for reading and your kind comments. The correction was made. Regards, Bill
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent
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Bravo! Wonderful story! Loud applause, followed by standing ovation! And here I am without any sixes to give this awesome story! This stands a very good chance of winning... good luck!

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2013


reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
    Thank you Phyllis for the extremely kind feedback. If I were more concerned with sixes, I would never post at the end of the week. For me, I have to write in the moment. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from barkingdog
Excellent
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You were amazing at fourteen to get so much out of that Popeye cartoon. I think I remember it. I didn't like Bluto and thought Olive was making a big mistake.(It's Bluto not Brutus)

Fine story with natural dialogue. Enjoyable, non-stop read.

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2013


reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
    Thank you for the kind words. I'll check out the Bluto / Brutus thing. Lord knows I've killed a lot of brain cells in the last 50 years! Bill
Comment from c_lucas
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

You can be only what you are. No more/no less. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very philosophical read. Good job.

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2013


reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
    Thanks Charlie, for reading and the compliment of the six. Especially appreciated since I posted late in the week. If you're like me, not many sixes left by Friday. Bill
reply by c_lucas on 08-Jun-2013
    You're welcome, Bill. I save a few sixes for my more skillful writers. Charlie
Comment from Sasha
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is a wonderful and inspiring story. Knowing it is true adds significantly to the impact it had on me. I had a similar situation in school but mine didn't work out as well. Fortunately in time, the lesson I learned sank in and I was a much happier and better person because of it. This is an excellent entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.

I found one sentence that you may want to look at. It seems to be incomplete:

It could mean what she about just being friends.

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2013


reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
    Thanks Sahsa - I did make that correction. I very much appreciate your help and support. Both mean a lot to me. I learned a lot of other things about life, not always good, but knowing yourself makes it darn hard to blame others. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent
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I didn't mean too - to
in encouraged was laughter - it
at a friends' house - a friend's - singular possessive
It could mean what she about - missing word/s
I loves you, Olive - add comma for direct address
I absolutely love this story, Bill and wish I still had a six left, but I'm all out. Great dialogue. Great character development. Excellent pacing to lead up to the point.
A warmly funny and touching story, one of your best :-)
Just for the record, from all the stories I've read about you as a boy, I'm pretty sure I would have fallen head over heels for you :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2013


reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
    Thank you so much for your continued support and your help. If I was really concerned about sixes, I would never post on Fridays! Your help and support mean a lot to me. If you had known me as a boy, I could have written you silly poems! LOL Bill
reply by adewpearl on 07-Jun-2013
    I was a sucker for that kind of stuff - I married the photographer/artist/poet from school when I was just 19 and stupid LOL :-)
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
    My first marriage was to the beauty with no substance. I was stupid too!
Comment from Judy Couch
Excellent
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This is a cute story. At 14, you must have been quite mature to come to the conclusions you did. The story flows smoothly and is easy to follow.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2013


reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
    Thanks for reading Judy. In honesty, I was one month away from fifteen. Still a dumb kid! Bill