First Love Yourself
Lessons learned at fourteen38 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
Wow, this was a great story and amazingly well written. I think I have a new life motto :) really great, grabbing the reader's attention from the very beginning and holding it till the last word. Thumb up!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Wow, this was a great story and amazingly well written. I think I have a new life motto :) really great, grabbing the reader's attention from the very beginning and holding it till the last word. Thumb up!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Hi Tina - I'm so glad that you stopped by and enjoyed the story. Very warm regards, Bill
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Bill,
The story is very well-written, and it captured my attention immediately and held it to the end. In some ways, I can relate to Bill. Your word picture allowed me to see the events as they unfolded, and in some regards, I could empathize with young Bill.
It is an enjoyable read.
Curtis
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Bill,
The story is very well-written, and it captured my attention immediately and held it to the end. In some ways, I can relate to Bill. Your word picture allowed me to see the events as they unfolded, and in some regards, I could empathize with young Bill.
It is an enjoyable read.
Curtis
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Hi Curtis - the six is great, but the ultimate compliemt to me is that you not only read, but could "SEE". Sixes from a writer I admire is always special! Bill
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Bill. Long time my friend. I love this little story. You must have felt very relieved, eh? Just one little glitch I would point out if you don't mind:
"Fourteen years old is an awkward age for a boy." (Just make this "Fourteen is an awkward age for a boy."
Excellent write. Sorry, no sixes left, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Hi, Bill. Long time my friend. I love this little story. You must have felt very relieved, eh? Just one little glitch I would point out if you don't mind:
"Fourteen years old is an awkward age for a boy." (Just make this "Fourteen is an awkward age for a boy."
Excellent write. Sorry, no sixes left, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Hi Bob - thanks so much for stopping by! If I were really concerned about sixes, I would never release a story on Friday. What I always look for is support and critiques. I got both from you, my friend! I like your suggestion and agree. Much smoother your way. Bill
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:) Bob
Comment from Adri7enne
"That's not good, but even worse, WAS being escorted ..." Insert WAS
"So vivid to me, even today, was the trip." That's awkard, Bill. How about? "Even today, the trip is vivid."?
"THERE was an old school room..." I think you're making reference to THERE in the previous sentence. You should do that word in italic so the reader knows the inflection changes. Otherwise it loses its flavor and becomes confusing.
It's a great story, Bill. It had me grinning ear to ear at the ending. You really are a bit of a sage, aren't you? I loved it!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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"That's not good, but even worse, WAS being escorted ..." Insert WAS
"So vivid to me, even today, was the trip." That's awkard, Bill. How about? "Even today, the trip is vivid."?
"THERE was an old school room..." I think you're making reference to THERE in the previous sentence. You should do that word in italic so the reader knows the inflection changes. Otherwise it loses its flavor and becomes confusing.
It's a great story, Bill. It had me grinning ear to ear at the ending. You really are a bit of a sage, aren't you? I loved it!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Adri - you are the best! Great support and suggestions that are spot on. It's humbling to me that gifted people like you are always willing to suggest and help! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, bill, you did an excellent job writing this story about the lessons that can be learned from fictional characters when we can see the similarities in our own life. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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this is very well written, bill, you did an excellent job writing this story about the lessons that can be learned from fictional characters when we can see the similarities in our own life. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thank you Pam - for reading, your kind comments and your best wishes. I appreciate all! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from highlander104
Another one of your wonderful slice-of-life stories with a nice easy flow of words. I'm guessing that this "big obnoxious bully" didn't come after you once Susie came to her senses.
I love the line: ...danced Susie out of my life.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Another one of your wonderful slice-of-life stories with a nice easy flow of words. I'm guessing that this "big obnoxious bully" didn't come after you once Susie came to her senses.
I love the line: ...danced Susie out of my life.
Jean K.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thank you Jean - I very much appreciate your support. I actually dated Susie two years after this. I found her beautiful but as shallow as a mud-puddle. Now, Laura .....
Comment from GWHARGIS
You are writing a memoir, aren't you? Your writing is very clear and you put in just enough details to where I, as a reader, can become your character. I like the clean and concise style of your writing. There are a few writers on this site that I wait for postings. You, sir, are one of the few. Nice job.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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You are writing a memoir, aren't you? Your writing is very clear and you put in just enough details to where I, as a reader, can become your character. I like the clean and concise style of your writing. There are a few writers on this site that I wait for postings. You, sir, are one of the few. Nice job.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much. Your review is kind and generous. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from N.K. Wagner
You were young to learn that lesson, Bill. I'm sure it made the rest of your youth a lot easier to handle. Well written. A great story. :) nancy
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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You were young to learn that lesson, Bill. I'm sure it made the rest of your youth a lot easier to handle. Well written. A great story. :) nancy
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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It was a good lesson at an early age, but I sure made a ton of mistakes in the next 50 years! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from humpwhistle
A fine story, and a good point, Bill. I'm glad to see it on top of the Stories section of the front page.
I particularly like that you took some extra time before you explained the Popeye reference. Suspense.
Also I like the 'trip of doom' to the Assistant Principal's office. I used to know the way--blindfolded.
Good luck with the Committee, Bill.
Peace, Lee
Maybe you don't need 'Being' in your first line.
Was 'Ms.' in use when we were 14, Bill? I don't remember.
'...so I just (sat) there.'
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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A fine story, and a good point, Bill. I'm glad to see it on top of the Stories section of the front page.
I particularly like that you took some extra time before you explained the Popeye reference. Suspense.
Also I like the 'trip of doom' to the Assistant Principal's office. I used to know the way--blindfolded.
Good luck with the Committee, Bill.
Peace, Lee
Maybe you don't need 'Being' in your first line.
Was 'Ms.' in use when we were 14, Bill? I don't remember.
'...so I just (sat) there.'
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thanks for reading Lee and for the great points. I feel you are correct in all of them. I keep forgetting that we're about the same age. Bill
Comment from AprilShower
Wonderful story, bhogg. We all should read what he wrote on the index card. Right?
Here some suggestions in ( ) that might make these sentence clearer:
Apparently, the only participation in encouraged was laughter."
(Apparently, the only participation you encouraged was laughter.")
It could mean what she about just being friends."
(It could mean she just wanted to be friends.")
In time you're going to see that this is a day in your life."
(In time you're going to see that this is only another day in your life.)
April
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Wonderful story, bhogg. We all should read what he wrote on the index card. Right?
Here some suggestions in ( ) that might make these sentence clearer:
Apparently, the only participation in encouraged was laughter."
(Apparently, the only participation you encouraged was laughter.")
It could mean what she about just being friends."
(It could mean she just wanted to be friends.")
In time you're going to see that this is a day in your life."
(In time you're going to see that this is only another day in your life.)
April
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thanks for reading April and your kind feedback. Your suggestions were all good ones which I will use. It's always humbling when other people people take the time to help. Regards, Bill
