The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Lost Angel"Love Among the Thorns
49 total reviews
Comment from Cornelius2000
This was my first exposure to your novel, and I enjoyed it very much. You've left me wondering whether those two will ever get together....and whether they should. The dialogue and action are well written. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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This was my first exposure to your novel, and I enjoyed it very much. You've left me wondering whether those two will ever get together....and whether they should. The dialogue and action are well written. Well done.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much Cornelius.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Oh, my goodness, what a forward missy she was - she had no intention of marrying him, but was looking for a little roll in the hay....
A nicely done follow up chapter, amahra!
Spags:
the clopping of the horses' hooves (plural of hoof: hooves)
drew a breath of relief ... suggest: breathed a sigh of relief
she smiled menacingly .... suggest: she smiled invitingly (menacing means threatening)
your mom and your brothers ... suggest: your mother and your brothers
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Oh, my goodness, what a forward missy she was - she had no intention of marrying him, but was looking for a little roll in the hay....
A nicely done follow up chapter, amahra!
Spags:
the clopping of the horses' hooves (plural of hoof: hooves)
drew a breath of relief ... suggest: breathed a sigh of relief
she smiled menacingly .... suggest: she smiled invitingly (menacing means threatening)
your mom and your brothers ... suggest: your mother and your brothers
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you my dear for this review. I will make some corrections immediately.
Comment from Glasstruth
Your dialogue really moves this story along with a great setting, 1907, a time when rules were rules, and the poor in pursuit of the rich made for an interesting read. Thanks for sharing. Les
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Your dialogue really moves this story along with a great setting, 1907, a time when rules were rules, and the poor in pursuit of the rich made for an interesting read. Thanks for sharing. Les
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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And thank you, my dear, for reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
A common theme..love found..love lost..love found only to be lost once again. Well written and staged where the poor boy is shunned by the girl's rich father..the cattle baron. How many movies have the same theme let alone Romeo and Juliet? The dialogue is superb, with the right amount of plausibility.
Deserves a 6 but alas I've run out.
Regards:
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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A common theme..love found..love lost..love found only to be lost once again. Well written and staged where the poor boy is shunned by the girl's rich father..the cattle baron. How many movies have the same theme let alone Romeo and Juliet? The dialogue is superb, with the right amount of plausibility.
Deserves a 6 but alas I've run out.
Regards:
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you my dear.
Comment from Mark Alan Trimeloni
The prose flows smoothly.
The ride home was made pleasant by the memories of her sweet lips.
This is such a wonderful line. Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.
...horse's hoofs matched the musical beatings of his own heart.
Such a wonderful way with words.
...and took his cloak, gloves and hat.
...and took his cloak, gloves(,) and hat.
...his way into the living-room to greet the Korens.
...his way into the living( )room to greet the Korens.
A story told with dialog the way I like them. Good job.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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The prose flows smoothly.
The ride home was made pleasant by the memories of her sweet lips.
This is such a wonderful line. Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.
...horse's hoofs matched the musical beatings of his own heart.
Such a wonderful way with words.
...and took his cloak, gloves and hat.
...and took his cloak, gloves(,) and hat.
...his way into the living-room to greet the Korens.
...his way into the living( )room to greet the Korens.
A story told with dialog the way I like them. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Hey big guy, you reading a romance novel. Now isn't that special. LOL I'm kidding you. You like horror and I do that too. I'll be coming by you and reading your work. I took a break from my dark side. But thank you for reading and I will go back a correct some of the suggestions you've made
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I am and will ever be a horror fanatic. But good writing transcends genre's. You are a good writer.--mark :)
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Well, thank you Mark. I'm flattered.
Comment from Sam Manilla
I just finished reading your chapter.
Here were some of the feelings that I had:
All the goodnight's seemed a little long.
Instead of saying (sermon) you could just say the preacher continued the sermon. It would be nice to know how they felt about the sermon. Bored? Intrigued? Etc...
I felt sorry for Nathan not being allowed to see Margaret.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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I just finished reading your chapter.
Here were some of the feelings that I had:
All the goodnight's seemed a little long.
Instead of saying (sermon) you could just say the preacher continued the sermon. It would be nice to know how they felt about the sermon. Bored? Intrigued? Etc...
I felt sorry for Nathan not being allowed to see Margaret.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you Sam for reading.
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
Lovely piece of writing. I at first thought that maybe you pushed it a bit far with the length of this chapter but in hindsight not. To achieve the end of this chapter and the consequences leading to it, it was necessary for this length. Well done on producing another fine chapter,
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Lovely piece of writing. I at first thought that maybe you pushed it a bit far with the length of this chapter but in hindsight not. To achieve the end of this chapter and the consequences leading to it, it was necessary for this length. Well done on producing another fine chapter,
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for understanding the length. I'm glad you hung in there.
Comment from Curt Winslow
This is a very good story. I want to go back and read more. I think the characters are developed well. The beginning traps you and makes you want more. Great job and keep writing!
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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This is a very good story. I want to go back and read more. I think the characters are developed well. The beginning traps you and makes you want more. Great job and keep writing!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for reading Curt.
Comment from visionary1234
hey amahra - so lovely to see your writing really turning up the heat here! Love it that you're using more dialogue! Only a couple of minor things and those are grammar rules - say "different FROM" (not than) ... and the only other one I caught was using 'that' when you're talking about a person. But small slips! I look forward to seeing what's going to happen next with your hapless lovers! :)Sharyn
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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hey amahra - so lovely to see your writing really turning up the heat here! Love it that you're using more dialogue! Only a couple of minor things and those are grammar rules - say "different FROM" (not than) ... and the only other one I caught was using 'that' when you're talking about a person. But small slips! I look forward to seeing what's going to happen next with your hapless lovers! :)Sharyn
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you Sharyn I'll make those corrections.
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small things - you're doing GREAT! :)
Comment from Bryana
Hi dear amahra, excellent chapter, it captured my interest from the beginning. I enjoyed the people's conversations but what I admired the most was Daniel's behavior, he was certainly a gentleman, any other man would've taken advantage of the opportunity.
I will be watching for future chapters.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Hi dear amahra, excellent chapter, it captured my interest from the beginning. I enjoyed the people's conversations but what I admired the most was Daniel's behavior, he was certainly a gentleman, any other man would've taken advantage of the opportunity.
I will be watching for future chapters.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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I'm so glad you like my Nathan. Hope you'll be understanding of him when he goes astray.
