The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Lost Angel"Love Among the Thorns
49 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello to you like the plot of your novel when lady is very much in love and her man desire her so much
then as I kept reading discover if marriage come into the picture she would be cut from her family
Yes the dialuge was long I feel it was necessary..
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Hello to you like the plot of your novel when lady is very much in love and her man desire her so much
then as I kept reading discover if marriage come into the picture she would be cut from her family
Yes the dialuge was long I feel it was necessary..
Gert
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much Gert. I'm so glad you were able to keep reading though it was rather long. I really appreciate it.
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You are very welcome amahra
Gert
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Well-written and believable.
I like the humaness you give to your characters as emotion oozes with their words.
The storyline continues seamlessly from the last and a great ending to lure the reader to the next post.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Well-written and believable.
I like the humaness you give to your characters as emotion oozes with their words.
The storyline continues seamlessly from the last and a great ending to lure the reader to the next post.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for this fine review. I'm glad you liked my story.
Comment from samandlancelot
Amahra,
A well-written chapter of love and all of its complications. Excellent descriptions! I like that Nathan was a gentleman, but he turned to ice too quickly. I hope the fire comes back into him, whether or not he gets the girl.
The night grew warmer. The stars were the sparkles in her dress; the moon... her flashing white smile; the rhythmic clopping of the horse's hooves matched the musical beatings of his own heart. It was as though everything around him was in sync with his passion for Margaret. (I like that Pete allowed Nathan this moment -- and the reader to enjoy Nathan's feelings of love. Excellent description!)
Patricia
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Amahra,
A well-written chapter of love and all of its complications. Excellent descriptions! I like that Nathan was a gentleman, but he turned to ice too quickly. I hope the fire comes back into him, whether or not he gets the girl.
The night grew warmer. The stars were the sparkles in her dress; the moon... her flashing white smile; the rhythmic clopping of the horse's hooves matched the musical beatings of his own heart. It was as though everything around him was in sync with his passion for Margaret. (I like that Pete allowed Nathan this moment -- and the reader to enjoy Nathan's feelings of love. Excellent description!)
Patricia
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for this fine review.
Comment from Darkhorse555
the picture at the beginning drew me in as in my moms hangs the very same picture the story was beautiful I enjoyed the read lovely piece
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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the picture at the beginning drew me in as in my moms hangs the very same picture the story was beautiful I enjoyed the read lovely piece
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate you reading and reviewing.
Comment from justmarly
You did a very good job with this story. I felt to be watching a movie. I love this but feel so bad for Nathan. His love was so strong.
Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing it. Marly_justin
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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You did a very good job with this story. I felt to be watching a movie. I love this but feel so bad for Nathan. His love was so strong.
Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing it. Marly_justin
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.
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Thank you for sharing it and I am glad to make you happy. Marly
Comment from Auroraboreal800
This is an interesting well written love story. I like the mixture of narrative and dialogue in this chapter. Your prose was profuse yet I read through. The simplicity make it an easy to read story. I really enjoy it!
GREAT job Amahra!
:)
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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This is an interesting well written love story. I like the mixture of narrative and dialogue in this chapter. Your prose was profuse yet I read through. The simplicity make it an easy to read story. I really enjoy it!
GREAT job Amahra!
:)
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much my dear. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from misscookie
You captured my attention from the first line to the last
I found this to be a very interesting chapter filled with love and old traditions that could keep lovers apart. to think some parts of the world this is still going on.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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You captured my attention from the first line to the last
I found this to be a very interesting chapter filled with love and old traditions that could keep lovers apart. to think some parts of the world this is still going on.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Thank you Misscookie. I'm glad you liked it.
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It was my pleasure, until next time.
Comment from TLPhillips
This post is filled with vivid detail and well thought out conflict. I really enjoyed reading this post and look forward to reading more. It needs a bit of polish though.
- It's plenty of nice young girls.... reads a bit awkwardly
- "Open your Bibles to Matthew 21:43. 'Therefore I tell you that the Kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to people who will produce its fruit....'" (sermon) - at the end where you have the (sermon) it reads like you made yourself a note to finish it but never did. It's pretty obvious that it's a sermon so this isn't really necessary.
- He'd slept like an infant for the past three nights - he woke up every two hours crying for a bottle and a diaper change? All humor aside though, this really is the image I get from this cliche.
- The mass introduction of characters (Big Tom, Boss Wainwright, and Joe) is a bit of an info dump. And I'm left wondering what purpose it serves.
The jump in perspective in the last section is a bit jarring.
- get 'you' out I'm not sure of the purpose of the apostrophe's here. They kind of distract me from the emotion of the scene.
- flowed pass her shoulders - past instead of pass
- you 'are' the - again not sure about the apostrophe's around 'are' - perhaps using italics would show the emphasis on the word better if that is your goal.
- looked into her eyes." - quotation mark out of place
- You're giving up your inheritance. - ('You would be giving up your inheritance' gives us a cleaner image.)
- It was his last wish. - missing punctuation.
Overall a wonderful story that broke my heart at the end. Good Luck and Happy Writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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This post is filled with vivid detail and well thought out conflict. I really enjoyed reading this post and look forward to reading more. It needs a bit of polish though.
- It's plenty of nice young girls.... reads a bit awkwardly
- "Open your Bibles to Matthew 21:43. 'Therefore I tell you that the Kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to people who will produce its fruit....'" (sermon) - at the end where you have the (sermon) it reads like you made yourself a note to finish it but never did. It's pretty obvious that it's a sermon so this isn't really necessary.
- He'd slept like an infant for the past three nights - he woke up every two hours crying for a bottle and a diaper change? All humor aside though, this really is the image I get from this cliche.
- The mass introduction of characters (Big Tom, Boss Wainwright, and Joe) is a bit of an info dump. And I'm left wondering what purpose it serves.
The jump in perspective in the last section is a bit jarring.
- get 'you' out I'm not sure of the purpose of the apostrophe's here. They kind of distract me from the emotion of the scene.
- flowed pass her shoulders - past instead of pass
- you 'are' the - again not sure about the apostrophe's around 'are' - perhaps using italics would show the emphasis on the word better if that is your goal.
- looked into her eyes." - quotation mark out of place
- You're giving up your inheritance. - ('You would be giving up your inheritance' gives us a cleaner image.)
- It was his last wish. - missing punctuation.
Overall a wonderful story that broke my heart at the end. Good Luck and Happy Writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from JM daSilva
The part about Nathan and Margaret was clearer to me. I like it. It was well described. When many people were talking and going places in the beginning, I didn't get so well who was who. I think you should go a little deeper explaining details there. But all in all, I loved his rejection and I hope he gets revenge by becoming rich. This should be a way.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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The part about Nathan and Margaret was clearer to me. I like it. It was well described. When many people were talking and going places in the beginning, I didn't get so well who was who. I think you should go a little deeper explaining details there. But all in all, I loved his rejection and I hope he gets revenge by becoming rich. This should be a way.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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I am glade things a clear to you. It's hard coming in the third chapter and getting an understanding. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
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Welcome.
Comment from josieg521
Very emotional chapter full of passion. Money always has a way of separating people as Nate found out. He definitely has a lot to learn about money and class distinction. Good job.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Very emotional chapter full of passion. Money always has a way of separating people as Nate found out. He definitely has a lot to learn about money and class distinction. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you Josie for stopping by and reading.
