Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "Kuta Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
45 total reviews
Comment from jadapenn
Some good inner conflict from the two detectives as they realise that gained little info to work on. The paranormal aspect has both of them a bit tongue-tied. •?? Now they have the Feds on the case so I wonder into what deep waters we're heading. Nice chapter once again. Luv jada
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
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Some good inner conflict from the two detectives as they realise that gained little info to work on. The paranormal aspect has both of them a bit tongue-tied. •?? Now they have the Feds on the case so I wonder into what deep waters we're heading. Nice chapter once again. Luv jada
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
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I personally love doing the paranormal angle. And I'm heading into uncharted waters in upcoming chapters. Thanks so much for hanging in, my friend. XXX Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
"Uncle Tony WAS, she sensed, asking ..." Rather than split the verb, you might try: "Uncle Tony, she sensed, WAS ASKING her to read..."
Wow! Your narrative voice has gained so much authority since you started. At least it seems that way to me. "Rick's voice skirted petulance." Yes, well done!
I enjoyed the subtlety of the inferences. Rick and Jana have come to an understanding, without actually saying it in so many words. Good chapter, Bev. I enjoyed the read. Let's see how Dred stirs up the actions and emotions. Yea!!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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"Uncle Tony WAS, she sensed, asking ..." Rather than split the verb, you might try: "Uncle Tony, she sensed, WAS ASKING her to read..."
Wow! Your narrative voice has gained so much authority since you started. At least it seems that way to me. "Rick's voice skirted petulance." Yes, well done!
I enjoyed the subtlety of the inferences. Rick and Jana have come to an understanding, without actually saying it in so many words. Good chapter, Bev. I enjoyed the read. Let's see how Dred stirs up the actions and emotions. Yea!!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2013
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Hiya, Adrienne. Thanks for the great suggestion. I agree that your way sounds better. I'm glad you noticed the way my NV has become stronger. I've been working at that, but also I've really got this story under my skin now.
I so appreciate your generosity and encouragement. You're a very discerning reader and a formidable talent, in your own right, which makes it even sweeter. Hugs, Bev
Comment from jjstar
The mixture of near belief that the killer was a ghostly entity, combined with the "we can never bring this up" reality makes this chapter so intriguing. Then Rick's statement about the prejudice against Native Americans rings true. I feel like it's been a subtle theme you've been peppering the story with. Everything was just first rate. Again, dialogue is exceptional. :)
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I don't how I missed this...arghhh. I can't believe that enough days go by that this could drop from my messages. One more week till school is out...YES!
batty old Indian spewing superstitious nonsense.===yeah, I can just see the reaction...ghosts don"t kill people..
A wall set in motion centuries before her birth. She resented facing its impenetrable surface alone on a day like this. Her head drooped as she kneaded the tight muscles at the back of her neck.===wow..that's just stunning..
Well, who is it," (?)
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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The mixture of near belief that the killer was a ghostly entity, combined with the "we can never bring this up" reality makes this chapter so intriguing. Then Rick's statement about the prejudice against Native Americans rings true. I feel like it's been a subtle theme you've been peppering the story with. Everything was just first rate. Again, dialogue is exceptional. :)
**********************************************************
I don't how I missed this...arghhh. I can't believe that enough days go by that this could drop from my messages. One more week till school is out...YES!
batty old Indian spewing superstitious nonsense.===yeah, I can just see the reaction...ghosts don"t kill people..
A wall set in motion centuries before her birth. She resented facing its impenetrable surface alone on a day like this. Her head drooped as she kneaded the tight muscles at the back of her neck.===wow..that's just stunning..
Well, who is it," (?)
Comment Written 05-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Dear JJ, thank you so much for this wonderful review. You are so supportive and generous. Means a great deal to me. I'm always pleased when I hit the right notes with you. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Rondeno
Dresden Stredwick III - what a great name! The story continues to be fascinating, Bev, with the clash of two cultures nicely done (you don't belabor it, but it's there). I love your knack with realistic dialogue. Terrific.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2013
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Dresden Stredwick III - what a great name! The story continues to be fascinating, Bev, with the clash of two cultures nicely done (you don't belabor it, but it's there). I love your knack with realistic dialogue. Terrific.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2013
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Hiya, Mikey. Thanks for stopping by to read. I so appreciate your encouragement and support, my friend, esspecially from one of my favorite site writers. Hugs, Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Great way to end part 1. Getting the feeling maybe there is some other connection to Jana and the profiler? Felt a slight tension between Jana and Rick in the car. Each being careful not to step on one another's toes.
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Great way to end part 1. Getting the feeling maybe there is some other connection to Jana and the profiler? Felt a slight tension between Jana and Rick in the car. Each being careful not to step on one another's toes.
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Thank you, Dallas, for your very generous review. I am so appreciative of your support and encouragement. Warm regards, Bev
P.S. Yes, Jana and Dred know each other which is going to create some further tension LOL.
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Have a good weekend. :.)
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You, as well, Dallas. Glad I'm not in Oklahoma - those poor folks.
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I had to turn it off. Couldn't wach it anymore. Makes yo wonder how much pain can life extract.
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I admit to the same thoughts, Dallas. And most of those folks are just trying to make a life for their families and far from rich.
It's sad.
Comment from Flamingbush
Excellently written. This had me intrigued. Though not much for murder mysteries, I find myself wanting to read more. You strike a good balance between scenic descriptions, dialogue and information leading to the trail of the killer. No corrections needed that I could see.
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Excellently written. This had me intrigued. Though not much for murder mysteries, I find myself wanting to read more. You strike a good balance between scenic descriptions, dialogue and information leading to the trail of the killer. No corrections needed that I could see.
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Hi, Flamingbush. Thank you for your generous and encouraging review. Your insights are very helpful! Warmest regards, Bev
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You're very welcome. Blessings.
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For you, as well! :0)
Comment from Cumbrianlass
You put me right in the car with them, Bev. My god, you write so darn well. Amazing introspection and quiet analysis. Just what you'd expect after their meeting with Jana's uncle.
Rick expected resistance. To his surprise, she agreed. "It's going in the report, of course," she answered. "But I see no reason to speak of it at this point." Their eyes met in mutual understanding with Jana breaking contact first. - Thought I should mention that you shifted POV here, Bev, from Jana to Rick. Not sure if you meant to or not. Is this omniscient POV? There's a couple of other places where you shift too. If it's intended, then just ignore me.
Love that Rick understands Jana's feelings in relation to his own experiences.
Seriously, seriously publishable. I wouldn't put this down. In fact, hurry up with the next, will ya?
Right. Now the review is done, I wanted to say that I'm beyond thrilled that you are kicking ass in the BOM.
I would love to see you take it, my friend. You SO deserve it.
Love Av
xx
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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You put me right in the car with them, Bev. My god, you write so darn well. Amazing introspection and quiet analysis. Just what you'd expect after their meeting with Jana's uncle.
Rick expected resistance. To his surprise, she agreed. "It's going in the report, of course," she answered. "But I see no reason to speak of it at this point." Their eyes met in mutual understanding with Jana breaking contact first. - Thought I should mention that you shifted POV here, Bev, from Jana to Rick. Not sure if you meant to or not. Is this omniscient POV? There's a couple of other places where you shift too. If it's intended, then just ignore me.
Love that Rick understands Jana's feelings in relation to his own experiences.
Seriously, seriously publishable. I wouldn't put this down. In fact, hurry up with the next, will ya?
Right. Now the review is done, I wanted to say that I'm beyond thrilled that you are kicking ass in the BOM.
I would love to see you take it, my friend. You SO deserve it.
Love Av
xx
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Hi, buddy. Thank you so much for your awesome review, and for pointing out that POV situation. While writing the next chapters, I am going to have POV taped to my wall at eye level!! I've changed accordingly and it flows better. I sure appreciate your sharp editor's eye.
Thank you for your wishes, too, Av. That means so much to me. I'm in good comopany this round, so anything can happen. I'd love to win, of course, but so does everyone else on the list LOL. It's the support and generosity of friend/fans like you, Av, that have helped me strengthen each chapter. I can't even express how much that means to me. Love ya, Bev
P.S. I'm reviewing your chapter on Sunday... xxx
Comment from samandlancelot
Bev,
I like the mental struggles your characters are fighting through. I like their difficulty with the information given them and the new character that adds more complications to an already complicated situation.
Excellent writing!
But her mind threw up roadblocks of logic (I love this description.)
Patricia
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Bev,
I like the mental struggles your characters are fighting through. I like their difficulty with the information given them and the new character that adds more complications to an already complicated situation.
Excellent writing!
But her mind threw up roadblocks of logic (I love this description.)
Patricia
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Hi, Patricia. Thanks so much for this gracious and encouraging review. Your support is most appreciated. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from visionary1234
A totally enjoyable read WFD! the kind of book I could curl up with till well past midnight and not want to put down - good intrigue being spun here - good character background, believable dialogue - and, of course, good relationship "hook" into the next chapter, stepping up the action and introducing a possible romance. Well done!
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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A totally enjoyable read WFD! the kind of book I could curl up with till well past midnight and not want to put down - good intrigue being spun here - good character background, believable dialogue - and, of course, good relationship "hook" into the next chapter, stepping up the action and introducing a possible romance. Well done!
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Hi, Sharyn. Thank you for your gracious and encouraging review. It's always so helpful to know what works, especially. Appreciate it very much. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from chasennov
Along The Jericho Road. 'Kuta Moon, Part 1.' An excellent chapter you wrote here, and I enjoyed the read. The story is full and rounded. Good job.
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Along The Jericho Road. 'Kuta Moon, Part 1.' An excellent chapter you wrote here, and I enjoyed the read. The story is full and rounded. Good job.
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Thanks so much, chasennov for your wonderful review. I much appreciate it! Warm regards, Bev
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You're so very welcome, Bev.
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:0)
