Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Kesto Moon"Murder Mystery
45 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
My parents retired on a farm in MO. They feed all sorts of wild animals during the worst of the winter. I also had a grandma who was extremely strict and wanted to keep her 'old ways.' She was Native American. Great post.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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My parents retired on a farm in MO. They feed all sorts of wild animals during the worst of the winter. I also had a grandma who was extremely strict and wanted to keep her 'old ways.' She was Native American. Great post.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much, barbara. We have an abundance of wild turkey in the county. I rather like watching them as they waddle across the road oblivious to the danger LOL. I appreciate your support very much, my friend.
Bev
Comment from donaldww
They're driving out to the reservation and almost run over a rabbit. Does that have some kind of omen attached to it?
They're now on Indian time. And evil spirits are in the air.
And the answer is with Father Brian. Priests have all the answers. LOL
I'm really enjoying the connection with the Sioux people. (In fact, this has me thinking I'd like to read some stories where setting and people are mainly on the reservation. With some real mystical people, magic, etc. I used to literally eat up Indian legends when I was a kid.)
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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They're driving out to the reservation and almost run over a rabbit. Does that have some kind of omen attached to it?
They're now on Indian time. And evil spirits are in the air.
And the answer is with Father Brian. Priests have all the answers. LOL
I'm really enjoying the connection with the Sioux people. (In fact, this has me thinking I'd like to read some stories where setting and people are mainly on the reservation. With some real mystical people, magic, etc. I used to literally eat up Indian legends when I was a kid.)
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Cool, Donald. Glad I've had a hand in inspiring you. The Lakota Sioux have a special place in my heart ever since I read the obscure novel Hanta Yo by Ruth Beebe Hill. Thanks for the great review! :0) Bev
Bev
Comment from JM daSilva
The storyline kept my interest. The dialogue is good and clear. The characters are fleshed out enough so I can tell who is who. Sometimes you are wordy, so I've changed some clauses so you can see. This chapter on capitalization will tell you why I changed Sir to sir. http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=610004. It is pleasant to read, so that's great. As before, I'll give you four and change to five once you've addressed the spag, not the style. The style is just a suggestion. It's good people have different styles and yours is great.
Forty-foot red pines
leapt from the edge of the woods
, especially at night,"[space]Jana offered.
Her lips pressed into a straight line.
, "well-meaning,
an interrogation per se.
The woman was short
Jana flashed him a smile that made his heart do a full-out flip.
a plaid long-sleeved shirt rolled at the wrists.
a bloodhound that watched. (use *that or which* for animals, *that* is better because it can be used for people too, it is more affectionate)
Rick thrust his hand forward. The other man's grip awed him.
"Pleased to meet you, sir, [lowercase]
A skylight over the dining table made the room as clear as day.(to eliminate passive voice and using sense verbs)
to the stove. ( think stove is enough)
for his niece to sit.
by her acquiescence.
a description of the state of the body,
and was setting them before his guests when a loud pop came from the heater . [more active, and removed wordiness]
Looking at the woodstove,
Rick looked at Jana for some explanation,
and read her brief notes.
vegetables and chilies, probably jalapenos.
He gestured to where the hound lay close to their food.
"Wasu had wandered off, or I'm sure he would have smelled the body as I did, even before I saw it on the bench."
"Did you see any vehicles or strangers, Leksi?"
Rick felt an uncharacteristic pulling in his solar plexus.
"I'm not following, sir.
The elder's question took Rick by surprise,
about an exorcism
I can put into my report that will help us do that?"
"Thank you for your time, sir."
Tony nodded in acknowledgement of Rick's words.
what the hell her uncle was talking about?
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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The storyline kept my interest. The dialogue is good and clear. The characters are fleshed out enough so I can tell who is who. Sometimes you are wordy, so I've changed some clauses so you can see. This chapter on capitalization will tell you why I changed Sir to sir. http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=610004. It is pleasant to read, so that's great. As before, I'll give you four and change to five once you've addressed the spag, not the style. The style is just a suggestion. It's good people have different styles and yours is great.
Forty-foot red pines
leapt from the edge of the woods
, especially at night,"[space]Jana offered.
Her lips pressed into a straight line.
, "well-meaning,
an interrogation per se.
The woman was short
Jana flashed him a smile that made his heart do a full-out flip.
a plaid long-sleeved shirt rolled at the wrists.
a bloodhound that watched. (use *that or which* for animals, *that* is better because it can be used for people too, it is more affectionate)
Rick thrust his hand forward. The other man's grip awed him.
"Pleased to meet you, sir, [lowercase]
A skylight over the dining table made the room as clear as day.(to eliminate passive voice and using sense verbs)
to the stove. ( think stove is enough)
for his niece to sit.
by her acquiescence.
a description of the state of the body,
and was setting them before his guests when a loud pop came from the heater . [more active, and removed wordiness]
Looking at the woodstove,
Rick looked at Jana for some explanation,
and read her brief notes.
vegetables and chilies, probably jalapenos.
He gestured to where the hound lay close to their food.
"Wasu had wandered off, or I'm sure he would have smelled the body as I did, even before I saw it on the bench."
"Did you see any vehicles or strangers, Leksi?"
Rick felt an uncharacteristic pulling in his solar plexus.
"I'm not following, sir.
The elder's question took Rick by surprise,
about an exorcism
I can put into my report that will help us do that?"
"Thank you for your time, sir."
Tony nodded in acknowledgement of Rick's words.
what the hell her uncle was talking about?
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Terricially helpful review, as usual. I really appreciate your suggestions and have put them into place. As always, I thank you for your efforts on my behalf. Bev
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It's a pleasure and I'm curious about the storyline and there are indians in it. Yay!
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Thanks much for the upgrade. You are man of your word. :0)
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Well done as always, I think I saw one error, in line around 45-48, sorry I'm not sure now of the number, you use 'Unci' when I think you mean to use 'Leksi' Jana is speaking to her uncle and she says, 'what we need from you, Unci,' I'm thinking it should be 'Leksi.' Hope that's clear, anyway over all as usual it is very well done. Rox
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Well done as always, I think I saw one error, in line around 45-48, sorry I'm not sure now of the number, you use 'Unci' when I think you mean to use 'Leksi' Jana is speaking to her uncle and she says, 'what we need from you, Unci,' I'm thinking it should be 'Leksi.' Hope that's clear, anyway over all as usual it is very well done. Rox
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Thanks for the sharp eye, Rox. I appreciate the generous and encouraging review. Hugs, Bev
Comment from AprilShower
Why would Tony do this, flattened his hand and sliced the air? After he did this the interview was suddenly stopped. Sounds like there might be some connection with the priest. This is an interesting story, Bev. I have no suggestions.
Hugs,
April
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Why would Tony do this, flattened his hand and sliced the air? After he did this the interview was suddenly stopped. Sounds like there might be some connection with the priest. This is an interesting story, Bev. I have no suggestions.
Hugs,
April
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much, April. I sure appreciate your generosity and support.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Bev,
The story continues at an interesting and suspense filled pace. The dialogue between the characters is good and adds to the tension of the story. Tony's questions directed at Rick introduced an element of mystery to the story. It is well-written and the narrative and dialogue flow seamlessly. I enjoyed the chapter, and I look forward to reading the next release.
Curtis
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Bev,
The story continues at an interesting and suspense filled pace. The dialogue between the characters is good and adds to the tension of the story. Tony's questions directed at Rick introduced an element of mystery to the story. It is well-written and the narrative and dialogue flow seamlessly. I enjoyed the chapter, and I look forward to reading the next release.
Curtis
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Hi, Curtis. Thank you for your gracious and very generous review. Your support really warms my heart, and keeps me wanting to improve with each chapter. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from judiverse
Rick seems to mean well, but he lacks an understanding of the Native American customs and culture. He also wants to make a good impression on Jana. Having Hana's family involved complicates matters. Interesting note that Fritz Buell's body was found in the same spot where Jana's cousin committed suicide. What a description of the being found beside the body--described as a black figure with glowing red eyes. Evil incarnate. Jana's relatives don't want to say any more, so she ends the questioning. Father Brian certainly must be hiding something. judi
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Rick seems to mean well, but he lacks an understanding of the Native American customs and culture. He also wants to make a good impression on Jana. Having Hana's family involved complicates matters. Interesting note that Fritz Buell's body was found in the same spot where Jana's cousin committed suicide. What a description of the being found beside the body--described as a black figure with glowing red eyes. Evil incarnate. Jana's relatives don't want to say any more, so she ends the questioning. Father Brian certainly must be hiding something. judi
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Thanks, judi. I appreciate the generous and supportive review very much.
Hugs, Bev
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You're so welcome. judi
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:0)
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Bev, another incredible post for this story. I'm reading it before dark and you scare me witless. Great mystery in this one with the Native American wisdom.
Loved the process of the meeting, I had the sense of it being within the sacred spirits - you really pulled the Native wise elders off in this post.
Loved everything about it. Exceptional all the way.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Hi Bev, another incredible post for this story. I'm reading it before dark and you scare me witless. Great mystery in this one with the Native American wisdom.
Loved the process of the meeting, I had the sense of it being within the sacred spirits - you really pulled the Native wise elders off in this post.
Loved everything about it. Exceptional all the way.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Dear Maureen, thank you so much for this awesome review! I'm so appreciative of your encouragement and support. I especially appreciate knowing my Sioux characters came across well. I have a special feeling for Tony and Agnes. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Norbanus
Fascinating dialogue in this chapter, with the Sioux traditions shown through both the white deputy and Jana's POV. Nicely flowing.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Fascinating dialogue in this chapter, with the Sioux traditions shown through both the white deputy and Jana's POV. Nicely flowing.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much for the great review, N. I appreciate the support.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
So, now we have a specter of some sort seen lurking around the dead body, and Tony connects it to the Father Brian.
I loved what you did with the surroundings. It was so homey. I could smell the food and see the likenesses of Jana and her grandmother.
Tony really was uncomfortable. I'm wondering what he was sensing while inside the house.
I'm always ready to read more just when a chapter ends! LOL
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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So, now we have a specter of some sort seen lurking around the dead body, and Tony connects it to the Father Brian.
I loved what you did with the surroundings. It was so homey. I could smell the food and see the likenesses of Jana and her grandmother.
Tony really was uncomfortable. I'm wondering what he was sensing while inside the house.
I'm always ready to read more just when a chapter ends! LOL
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Hi, Ellen. Thanks so much for this gracious and very generous review. I'm glad the extra attentino to details is noticeable, so thanks for sharing that. I love that you 'get' Tony's psychic sense! Hugs, Bev
