Reviews from

Along the Jericho Road

Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Kesto Moon"
Murder Mystery

45 total reviews 
Comment from Rosalyne
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi, Bev.
I am enjoying your story so much. This chapter is excellent! You have shown a contrast of the two cultures so well. I really like how you described Jana's greeting with her grandmother and her quiet respect shown. Great contrast to the way Rick greets his family, with bear hugs and sloppy kisses. You continued to reflect differences inside her uncles house, one where she understood the honour and respect, while Rick was clueless.
Awesome writing!!
Bye, friend.
Rosalyne :)

 Comment Written 29-Jan-2014


reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
    Rosalyne, you sure know how to make me smile. This review means so much to me because you REALLY get my storyline. That means more than I can say. Some have suggested the 'dialogue' seems archaic, even dull. But, I've encountered the way many Native Peoples' speak, especially the older ones, and I felt I was doing them justice. Your words validate that for me. Your six is awesome, your understanding beyond measure. Big Hug, Bev
reply by Rosalyne on 30-Jan-2014
    Hi, Bev.
    One of the greatest features of your book aside from characters is your dialogue!! You are sharing two very different cultures. Jana must address her elders properly, with respect and follow the customs. Without this, your story wouldn't have the same impact. Your dialogue is presenting a respect and honour of people. What I've enjoyed so much, is the way you weave in the words of the Sioux. There is nothing archaic or dull in you characters or dialogue!!!!! There is something wrong with those who don't have enough insight to read the beauty of your words, and learn how important respect and honour is to give.
    Bev, cover your eyes and close your ears. These are amateurs and not editors. Once you've completed your book, you'll get a very different reaction from a publisher! Your book is excellent. You've gone far beyond just a mystery, writing about two very different cultures. This is the shining star of the story!
    Bye my friend.
    Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
    Rosalyne, thank you so very, very much. I am honored by your words, my friend. I could not have a better champion 'by my side' than you. What a gracious and lovely lady you are. Much love, Bev
Comment from jadapenn
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Ouch, we're into the paranormal with this chapter. I found it very good reading and interesting. The Indians seem to have a great bond with the spiritual on earth. I can sense poor Rick being like a fish out of water but also like Tony's side and wisdom. Tony is starting to confirm jada's suspicions. Lol.
Little gremlin which you might have fixed. Jana('s) flashed him a smile that made his heart do a full-out flip

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2013


reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
    Thanks for the spaggie alert, Jada. I'll go back and make sure that's fixed. Yes, there is a very strong paranormal angle to this story that I'm unraveling slowly. Thanks so much! Hugs, Bev
Comment from jjstar
Excellent
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First of all, I'm sorry I've been gone for quite a few weeks a missed these past two chapters. I've missed them.

What struck me the most about this chapter is that Rick seemed to interpret every difference in acknowledgements, words, etc. as some kind of cultural or spiritual movement.

I thought, that's kind of weird that we (most of us) tend to do that. You'd think that even if you go across the street to a neighbor's house they might do things differently. It doesn't have to be a cultural thing..You know what I mean? I think it's very cool you picked up on that and pointed it out. Especially with Native Americans..I don't think the general public knows much about them and considers them almost as foreigners. So strange. Anyway, I'm rambling..hahah

As always, exceptional writing. I would have sixed you, but I'm saving it for the next chapter..:)


 Comment Written 27-May-2013


reply by the author on 27-May-2013
    Wow, what a fantastic review, jj. I'm honored by how you get the situation between Jana and Rick (and everyone else she works with). So well said. No apologies are ever necessary! You are a busy lady, and I appreciate any time you take away from your schedule to read my postings. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I love the way you portray the Sioux's and their culture. You give them the dignity and respect they deserve. I understand how Rick might feel he'd been in a space station. It's a different world than what we're used to. Fascinating stuff, Bev. Compelling writing, girl!!!

 Comment Written 07-May-2013


reply by the author on 07-May-2013
    Hi, Adrienne. Thank you so much for this wonderful review. And I appreciate you letting me know what worked for you in this chapter. Whenever I go the local PowWow, I always feel as if I've landed in an alien world. Yet, I love it and look forward to it every year. Have you ever been to one? I recommend it for everyone, especially young children.

    Thanks again, gracious lady.

    Hugs, Bev
Comment from CR Delport
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Yes, I think I was with Rick in this one. I just wanted to bolt out the front door. This is very well written and make for a good read. Well done.

 Comment Written 03-May-2013


reply by the author on 03-May-2013
    Thanks so much, CR. He's in over his head in that world for sure! Thanks for the gracious review.

    Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Sorry I'm late, and sorry I can't give you a six yet!


Forty-foot red pines lined the dirt road, crouching like granite monoliths dotting an alien landscape. - Okay - right out of the gate we're treated to a fantastic metaphor.

Love it.

"Yeah, Rick." Her lips pressed into a straight line. "Preferably raw and beneath a full moon."

Superb dialogue between Rick and Jana.

The old woman dropped Jana's hand and leaned in close to her face. "You'll need more than the white man's law to defeat the evil bearing down on you. Come to me before it's too late." She wrapped her shawl about her shoulder and, without another word, walked away. - Excellent bit of foreshadowing, Bev. You blend native with white so well.

Rick was struck by her acquies(c)ence.

"A black figure crouched beside the body. When it sensed my presence, it whirled to face me. Its eyes blazed like red rubies, and its mouth was twisted into a horrible smile." - Oh, cripes. I woke up in the middle of the night and put the telly on, only to end up watching Paranormal Witness. There was something like this on that program. Scared the crap out of me!


Ooo, great hook at the end. Brilliant.

Fantastic post. I do wonder what the mystery is with this priest.

Publishable, Bev. Publishable.

Love Av
x

 Comment Written 02-May-2013


reply by the author on 02-May-2013
    Av, thank you so very much for your wonderful and encouraging review. I so appreciate it coming from a brilliant writer like yourself. I love Pananormal Witness! It's so realistic -- almot too much sometimes. Thanks, also, for taking so much time with the review and letting me know what you liked, my friend. I sure appreciate it.

    Your words are like stars to me, Av.

    Love ya, Bev
Comment from Cori-Laveer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Loved this piece. I can relate to the native way. The visual was thoroughly enjoyable, the story smooth and easy to follow. My interest is sparked to continue a further reading of this work. The inclusion of native tongue translation was illuminating, as it opens the readers' eyes to the words not usually recognized by the Wasiku. Well written piece. I loved it.

 Comment Written 02-May-2013


reply by the author on 02-May-2013
    Thank you so much, Cori! I am honored by our gracious and generous review. Appreciate very much you stopping in to read adn letting me know what you liked about the chapter. That's always so helpful.

    Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I love the way you present the tension that exists between Rick and the ways of the tribal community. I also respect his desire to understand. This is another great chapter. The mystery always hovers and then pounces through the words of your characters.
Only a couple of observations:


Watch out!" Jana (yelped) threw me off

Rick pulled alongside an orange pick-up that looked like it'd come off the assembly line three decades earlier.

Seems a little long:
How about rusted orange pick up, vintage model.

Guess I am just repeating what I have been reading in Stephen King's marvelous book: "On writing" Chapter I just finished concentrated on shorter more concise sentences and watching passive voice, which is something I can't seem to work out of.

Hope you are not offended by these thoughts.

Rick felt an uncharacteristic pulling in his solar plexus. He had the urge to run out the front door.

I might insert this after your next two sentences instead of before.

:.)

 Comment Written 02-May-2013


reply by the author on 02-May-2013
    That is a great book on writing, Dallas. And I am not at all offened by your excellent insights. In fact, I've used them to tighten the chapter. So, I very much appreciate the fact you cared enough to offer them.

    Warmest regards, Bev
reply by DALLAS01 on 02-May-2013
    :.)
Comment from Ideasaregems-Dawn
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Wow, you have written a wonderful chapter again, Bev. I am not kidding - I had chills when I read about the creature that was bent over the body. I really enjoyed it.

 Comment Written 02-May-2013


reply by the author on 02-May-2013
    Hi, Dawn. Thank you so much for this gracious and generous review. I do so enjoy giving people chills LOL. Love ya, Bev
Comment from conroy11
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very good chapter building tension for the climax to come. Good use of Sioux language for authenticity. Nice details about the stiffness between Jana and her family members and the obvious affection Rick has for Jana. Rick is out of his element as the new world clashes with the old. Jana is straddling both worlds and she teases Rick about the animal's intestines when he misunderstands and talks about how his people eat innards too. That's a nice touch of how Rick feels uncomfortable and fearful he'll say something offensive or politically incorrect. The spirituality element is intriguing with Catholic priests mixing it up with old Indian ways and the dark evil force with ruby eyes who is a threatening presence.

 Comment Written 02-May-2013


reply by the author on 02-May-2013
    Thank you, conroy, for stopping by to read my chapter. I very much appreciate your generous and encouraging review. Hope to hear from you again sometime! Warm regards, Bev