From our soul.
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Impatience."Mostly romance.
33 total reviews
Comment from zwriter
This free verse shows great restraint, mixed with delightful nature imagery. I love the combo of the photo and colors, with the dramatic but understated thoughts.
What you're expressing here is oh so true. We need to allow nature time to open her mysteries and wonders.
I suggest a semicolon after the word "tree."
That last line, of course, brings to mind the song "Let It Be," which is one of my personal favorites.
Very well done, with a message that we would be wise to heed.
Thank you, Pili!
z
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This free verse shows great restraint, mixed with delightful nature imagery. I love the combo of the photo and colors, with the dramatic but understated thoughts.
What you're expressing here is oh so true. We need to allow nature time to open her mysteries and wonders.
I suggest a semicolon after the word "tree."
That last line, of course, brings to mind the song "Let It Be," which is one of my personal favorites.
Very well done, with a message that we would be wise to heed.
Thank you, Pili!
z
Comment Written 16-May-2005
Comment from 24chas
I can really relate to this one, Pili. You did a great job of illustrating your point with this poem. Don't change a thing. Well done.
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I can really relate to this one, Pili. You did a great job of illustrating your point with this poem. Don't change a thing. Well done.
Comment Written 16-May-2005
Comment from Waterbird
Impatient
my hands tremble
as I caress
the tender bud, - need a comma after impatient.
But the voice
of my heart
tells me,
don' t rush it
just let it be, - need a comma after don't rush it
and a period after let it be.
start a new sentence with:
let nature
do her job,
it will unfold
sharing all splendor
at its own time
at its own pace.
Please just let it be. - need a comma after
unfold and after time.
A wonderful read, Pili. I love the message.
We humans tend to be in such a hurry to
make things happen. We end up tripping
over ourselves.
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Impatient
my hands tremble
as I caress
the tender bud, - need a comma after impatient.
But the voice
of my heart
tells me,
don' t rush it
just let it be, - need a comma after don't rush it
and a period after let it be.
start a new sentence with:
let nature
do her job,
it will unfold
sharing all splendor
at its own time
at its own pace.
Please just let it be. - need a comma after
unfold and after time.
A wonderful read, Pili. I love the message.
We humans tend to be in such a hurry to
make things happen. We end up tripping
over ourselves.
Comment Written 16-May-2005
Comment from Bryana
Beautiful verse my friend.
Good advice, let Mother Nature
do her work, Don't interfere.
Listen to that voice from your heart.
Awesome thought!
I must also say the picture is beautiful
it goes so well with your verse.
Thank you
|
Beautiful verse my friend.
Good advice, let Mother Nature
do her work, Don't interfere.
Listen to that voice from your heart.
Awesome thought!
I must also say the picture is beautiful
it goes so well with your verse.
Thank you
Comment Written 15-May-2005
Comment from Mrs Jones
Beautiful free verse with some good advice. Nice pic. Good flow to the verse. A five all round.
Well done Pili
Cheers
Rose
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Beautiful free verse with some good advice. Nice pic. Good flow to the verse. A five all round.
Well done Pili
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 14-May-2005
Comment from jonjo
Great writing, and a timely reminder to me to 'slow down and enjoy'. :-) This poem has a lovely 'feel' about it that goes beyond the written words and background display. thanks for sharing.
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Great writing, and a timely reminder to me to 'slow down and enjoy'. :-) This poem has a lovely 'feel' about it that goes beyond the written words and background display. thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-May-2005
Comment from Anti-Theist
A pretty nice poem that seems to set a mood and maintain it until the end. It may need something to tie it together in the end as you mention someone, the you, in the first and second stanza and then go onto the tree and mother nature without ever coming back to the "you" again. Aside from that, a nice read.
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A pretty nice poem that seems to set a mood and maintain it until the end. It may need something to tie it together in the end as you mention someone, the you, in the first and second stanza and then go onto the tree and mother nature without ever coming back to the "you" again. Aside from that, a nice read.
Comment Written 14-May-2005
Comment from Kingsland
you have formatted this well
it makes the read very smooth
and you message is a good one,also
this is just fine the way it is
and i would not change a thing... John
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you have formatted this well
it makes the read very smooth
and you message is a good one,also
this is just fine the way it is
and i would not change a thing... John
Comment Written 14-May-2005
Comment from Balladeer
Well Pili I think that you are giving
yourself some good advice here.
Let nature take its course naturaly
as the name implies.uch more
wonderful to be surprised by the
new experiences thean to be
dissapoint by letting down of expectations.
Let it be and enjoy the now
Skye
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Well Pili I think that you are giving
yourself some good advice here.
Let nature take its course naturaly
as the name implies.uch more
wonderful to be surprised by the
new experiences thean to be
dissapoint by letting down of expectations.
Let it be and enjoy the now
Skye
Comment Written 14-May-2005
Comment from Jewell McChesney
don' t rush it
just let it be,
let nature
do her job,
it will unfold
Your poetry speaks in first person
but has such a good bit of advice for the reader.
Thanks for making me think, again!
Always enjoy your work.
Write on!
Jewell
|
don' t rush it
just let it be,
let nature
do her job,
it will unfold
Your poetry speaks in first person
but has such a good bit of advice for the reader.
Thanks for making me think, again!
Always enjoy your work.
Write on!
Jewell
Comment Written 14-May-2005
