Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Suta Moon"Murder Mystery
40 total reviews
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
Well, I am definitely way behind in reading this story. Obviously this woman is ticked at her aunt for not having the jewels in her lock box. But, then the threatening letters? What I've read is well-written. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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Well, I am definitely way behind in reading this story. Obviously this woman is ticked at her aunt for not having the jewels in her lock box. But, then the threatening letters? What I've read is well-written. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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Thank you, Evelyn. You got the gist of what currently is happening just fine! Thanks so much for reading and for your generous review.
Blessings, Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Now then, my friend. Is this a red herring you have fished out of this safety deposit box? Hmmm... I love that you have me puzzling. Is our dear Bev being sincere, or leading us astray?
In any case, it's great work. If it IS a ruse, it's brilliant. If it IS Auntie, it's a hell of a twist.
Win win.
Super chapter, as always, Bev. Sorry I'm late reviewing. I've had company for the past five weeks. They left this past weekend, so now I find I have more time to review and to write!
A few things for your consideration. Minor stuff.
A conviction grew(.) This was Christ calling him to the priesthood, and six months later he was a seminarian.
aesthetic Swedish im(m)igrants
"I think you're burned out right now," Father Alan continued(.) "(A)dd to that the murder of a close friend and parishioner..." - suggestion only.
"How does he know about that? I only stopped taking it yesterday!" - Whoa! Nice touch. More supernatural intrigue!
Hugs galore!
Av
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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Now then, my friend. Is this a red herring you have fished out of this safety deposit box? Hmmm... I love that you have me puzzling. Is our dear Bev being sincere, or leading us astray?
In any case, it's great work. If it IS a ruse, it's brilliant. If it IS Auntie, it's a hell of a twist.
Win win.
Super chapter, as always, Bev. Sorry I'm late reviewing. I've had company for the past five weeks. They left this past weekend, so now I find I have more time to review and to write!
A few things for your consideration. Minor stuff.
A conviction grew(.) This was Christ calling him to the priesthood, and six months later he was a seminarian.
aesthetic Swedish im(m)igrants
"I think you're burned out right now," Father Alan continued(.) "(A)dd to that the murder of a close friend and parishioner..." - suggestion only.
"How does he know about that? I only stopped taking it yesterday!" - Whoa! Nice touch. More supernatural intrigue!
Hugs galore!
Av
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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Hiya, Av. I dream of the day when I can put out work of the caliber of yours - I don't believe I've ever seen a single spag in your postings. Thank you, lovely friend, for helping me out through your awesome encouragement and wonderfully generous review. Five Weeks! No wonder we haven't seen a new chapter. I look forward to another installment now that you have a chance to write again.
Thank you for always making me feel special, Av. A gift that truly touches my soul
Love,
Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, I'm blocked from giving this a six it deserves, Bev.
So Darcy, after her excited anticipation, is disappointed to find so little in her aunt's box - but those threatening letters should be handed over to the police as evidence.
But she is only thinking about having a vacation...
aunt's deposit box[.](,)" he began
Most enjoyable, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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Oh, I'm blocked from giving this a six it deserves, Bev.
So Darcy, after her excited anticipation, is disappointed to find so little in her aunt's box - but those threatening letters should be handed over to the police as evidence.
But she is only thinking about having a vacation...
aunt's deposit box[.](,)" he began
Most enjoyable, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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Margaret, your words are gold! Thanks for your generousity and encouragement. It means a lot to me. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from chasennov
'Suta Moon.' A good chapter in this ongoing saga which I found very interesting. I said last time I liked stories about native inhabitants. Well done.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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'Suta Moon.' A good chapter in this ongoing saga which I found very interesting. I said last time I liked stories about native inhabitants. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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Thank you so much, chasennov. I really appreciate the supportive of your generous review. Warmest regards, Bev
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You're very welcome, Bev.
Comment from Connie C
You continue to make me wonder just who is guilty, Bev. And you always do so with your excellent command of dialogue. I'm so glad you include the characters in your author's notes, or I just might lose track, only because I'm not reading this all the way through in one continuous read.
Since I never have any constructive criticism regarding the actual plot or the way it is written, I did notice one thing at the spag level that might or might not need to be changed. In the first paragraph, I think I would have combined the last two sentences with a comma after "sin" followed by ". . . providing the person . . ." I only say this because I don't think the last sentence is a complete sentence. But then again, I've read a lot of fiction where authors don't necessarily write in complete sentences all the time, so my suggestion might not even be necessary. It was just something I noticed.
What a great element of mystery when Father Brian tells Father Borkowski to keep taking his meds when Brian supposedly didn't know that Father Borkowski had taken his last one yesterday. Every now and then, you drop these little hints of things that are creepy, which really opens my eyes. I like stuff like that!
You have done such a great job developing your characters so far. Father Brian seems a little spooky to me, and Darcy Shaw is not exactly a sweetheart.
Keep up the good work, Bev. I look forward to each chapter. Wish FS would let me give you a six for this.
Hugs,
Connie xx
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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You continue to make me wonder just who is guilty, Bev. And you always do so with your excellent command of dialogue. I'm so glad you include the characters in your author's notes, or I just might lose track, only because I'm not reading this all the way through in one continuous read.
Since I never have any constructive criticism regarding the actual plot or the way it is written, I did notice one thing at the spag level that might or might not need to be changed. In the first paragraph, I think I would have combined the last two sentences with a comma after "sin" followed by ". . . providing the person . . ." I only say this because I don't think the last sentence is a complete sentence. But then again, I've read a lot of fiction where authors don't necessarily write in complete sentences all the time, so my suggestion might not even be necessary. It was just something I noticed.
What a great element of mystery when Father Brian tells Father Borkowski to keep taking his meds when Brian supposedly didn't know that Father Borkowski had taken his last one yesterday. Every now and then, you drop these little hints of things that are creepy, which really opens my eyes. I like stuff like that!
You have done such a great job developing your characters so far. Father Brian seems a little spooky to me, and Darcy Shaw is not exactly a sweetheart.
Keep up the good work, Bev. I look forward to each chapter. Wish FS would let me give you a six for this.
Hugs,
Connie xx
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2013
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You point to one area that I was tempted to make one long sentence, Connie. I agree with you that it does read a bit awkward. I'm always of two minds with the type of writing that is prevalent today - that choppy style that seems popular. Like you, I find it reads a bit odd. But then I inevitably catch heck for long sentences, especially in opening paragraphs. I often wish I was born a poet LOL.
So, thank you, for taking so much time to send along this superb review. I can alway use the help, my friend. Your support is very much appreciated, as always. As is your wish for a six.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is another fabulous chapter, woman! You have a way with words and seriously get me involved. Your characters are so real-to-life, I swear I wanted to smack that rude dame yet again!
Once more we're on six rations, Bev. there's not a word I would alter.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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This is another fabulous chapter, woman! You have a way with words and seriously get me involved. Your characters are so real-to-life, I swear I wanted to smack that rude dame yet again!
Once more we're on six rations, Bev. there's not a word I would alter.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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Thank you so very much, Dawn. Your words have put me over the moon! And thanks for the wish for a six. Love ya, Bev
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Me too you, Bev. :)
Comment from DALLAS01
Another great chapter. Lots of inter action going on here among the characters. The characterization of father Brian leads me to believe that he is not the murderer. I am more suspicious, at this point of the priest who raped the boy.
Father Borkowski leaned forward in his seat and softened his eyes to blunt the effect of his words. (This is familiar method of easing the bluntness of a reprimand.) It can be highly effective in getting people to listen without getting to defensive.
Wondering now if Father Brian might not be somehow possessed since he knew about fathers dilemma concerning the medication?
I also appreciated the bank scene describing Darcy and how the branch manager handled the affair, since I work in a bank. It was exactly how it would come down.
Deserving of a six but I do not have any left.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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Another great chapter. Lots of inter action going on here among the characters. The characterization of father Brian leads me to believe that he is not the murderer. I am more suspicious, at this point of the priest who raped the boy.
Father Borkowski leaned forward in his seat and softened his eyes to blunt the effect of his words. (This is familiar method of easing the bluntness of a reprimand.) It can be highly effective in getting people to listen without getting to defensive.
Wondering now if Father Brian might not be somehow possessed since he knew about fathers dilemma concerning the medication?
I also appreciated the bank scene describing Darcy and how the branch manager handled the affair, since I work in a bank. It was exactly how it would come down.
Deserving of a six but I do not have any left.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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Hi, Dallas. Thanks so much for this awesome review! I am especially appreciate of your confirming that scene in the bank. Phew, wasn't sure if it would seen authentic. I sure appreciate your wish for a six and your continued support for my novel.
Warmest regards, Bev
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:.)
Comment from jjstar
Another awesome chapter. I just love the tone and kind of mystic spiritualistic mood you are able to portray whenever there is a church scene, or someone questioning his faith, or beliefs of the church. It's just amazing.
And Darcy....well, what a little gold-digging, self-absorbed bitch! Man! Really, she's going to raid the safe-deposit box so she can go on vacation? I was actually wondering why she was allowed access. I figured she must be co-owner or on the a list of people allowed access..
At any rate, superb as always...
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Providing the person confessing approached the sacrament with a sincere heart.===sometimes a big if..
Soft as a baby's sigh, it entered through his crown, spread across his chest and absorbed his despair.====gorgeous!
A conviction grew this was Christ calling him to the priesthood, and six months later he was a seminarian.====I stumbled on this a little. I was wondering if it was supposed to be: A conviction grew. This was Christ..
If any parishioner's===parishioners?
Why should my mother be punished for the unholy spirit that took over her mind and compelled her actions?====she shouldn't be..I've always had a problem with that..
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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Another awesome chapter. I just love the tone and kind of mystic spiritualistic mood you are able to portray whenever there is a church scene, or someone questioning his faith, or beliefs of the church. It's just amazing.
And Darcy....well, what a little gold-digging, self-absorbed bitch! Man! Really, she's going to raid the safe-deposit box so she can go on vacation? I was actually wondering why she was allowed access. I figured she must be co-owner or on the a list of people allowed access..
At any rate, superb as always...
**********************************************************
Providing the person confessing approached the sacrament with a sincere heart.===sometimes a big if..
Soft as a baby's sigh, it entered through his crown, spread across his chest and absorbed his despair.====gorgeous!
A conviction grew this was Christ calling him to the priesthood, and six months later he was a seminarian.====I stumbled on this a little. I was wondering if it was supposed to be: A conviction grew. This was Christ..
If any parishioner's===parishioners?
Why should my mother be punished for the unholy spirit that took over her mind and compelled her actions?====she shouldn't be..I've always had a problem with that..
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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Hi, jj. Thanks so much for this awesome, generous review. I really appreciate your sharp eye for making the writing tighter. I think your suggestions are spot on. Sure appreciate you! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Bev,
This is another well penned post as the plot thickens with twists and turns.
Question: When a murder is committed wouldn't the police already been to and got access to the box. Seems to me that all assets are frozen, include box keys - even if a family member has a key. Not sure it matters though but thought to mention it. - I worked in a bank decades ago:D
Great writing my friend.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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Hi Bev,
This is another well penned post as the plot thickens with twists and turns.
Question: When a murder is committed wouldn't the police already been to and got access to the box. Seems to me that all assets are frozen, include box keys - even if a family member has a key. Not sure it matters though but thought to mention it. - I worked in a bank decades ago:D
Great writing my friend.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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Thanks for mentioning that, Maureen. I did not know that fact. But you have given me an angle in which to get the evidence away from Darcy LOL. Thanks so much, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from God's Writer
A wonderful story my friend. So full of feelings and vivid word imagery. It is nice to read writings that the writer actually takes pride with a story now and again. Rather than pumping out one each day. I have several poems in for a dollar. I do believe you would enjoy my story poems.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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A wonderful story my friend. So full of feelings and vivid word imagery. It is nice to read writings that the writer actually takes pride with a story now and again. Rather than pumping out one each day. I have several poems in for a dollar. I do believe you would enjoy my story poems.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
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Thank you, Erick. I take it you are feeling better? I hope that's the case. I will be glad to check out your latest. Appreciate your kind and supportive review. Warmest regards, Bev
