The Curse of 'Gator Bayou
A young Cajun girl struggles to survive.6 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
Rating of Chapter 8 - Lies
Renee had a terrible day not finding out anything new that could lead to who might have killed his partner and then he had to come home and face his drunk wife whom he suspects has been out with another man.
Lots of intrigue going on in such a short chapter.
You definitely kept me reading.
Your characters are interesting.
The dialogue is realistic.
Fine pacing.
:) e
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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Renee had a terrible day not finding out anything new that could lead to who might have killed his partner and then he had to come home and face his drunk wife whom he suspects has been out with another man.
Lots of intrigue going on in such a short chapter.
You definitely kept me reading.
Your characters are interesting.
The dialogue is realistic.
Fine pacing.
:) e
Comment Written 13-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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I'm glad you find my chapter interesting. I was afraid I might have put too much in this one. I wanted to end with some drama. That Evie, she's a spoiled one. I hope you will enjoy other chapters.
Jo
Comment from MTF1955
Rating of Chapter 8 - Lies
A very interesting chapter. I go to Houma often and I can see all this clearly in my mind. I like the dialect and the dialogue. Look forward to another chapter. Mary
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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A very interesting chapter. I go to Houma often and I can see all this clearly in my mind. I like the dialect and the dialogue. Look forward to another chapter. Mary
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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I'm glad you are enjoying my chapters. Thanks for the encouragement.
Jo
Comment from Walu Feral
Rating of Chapter 5 - Looking for Work
G'day Jo. I've been waiting for you to post this chapter.
" she had always had her mother and siblings to watch her back. Now, she would face a whole new way of life." (Yep. Taking that first step is a start. I remember it from when I left at 14yo. Scary.)
"Hey, swamp rat! Whatcha doing out of the swamp?" A teenage boy taunted." (Great! the first people she meets are dickheads!)
"No! I don't want no ride, you boys better git or I'll take my pistol out of dis poke and blow yer heads clean off you. Git!" (lol. Good stuff!)
"The boys laughed and sped away." (Phew!)
"My uncles' wife has worked there since the war began. She lives in Bridge City not too far from the yards." (How cool is that?)
"She wondered if all sailors were this nice." (lol. Nope.)
"Thank you so much(space)... for being so kind to me."
"Goodbye, little girl." Tom and Bill joined in." (That was a very touching scene. Very well done, with top quality imagery.)
""I'm seventeen and I don' know what dat security thang you ask about," Marie replied." (Shit! Darn dem rules.)
"Marie turned and slowly left the office." (So sad.)
Fantastic work mate. The dialogue is beautiful, as is the imagery. I barracking for this girl!
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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G'day Jo. I've been waiting for you to post this chapter.
" she had always had her mother and siblings to watch her back. Now, she would face a whole new way of life." (Yep. Taking that first step is a start. I remember it from when I left at 14yo. Scary.)
"Hey, swamp rat! Whatcha doing out of the swamp?" A teenage boy taunted." (Great! the first people she meets are dickheads!)
"No! I don't want no ride, you boys better git or I'll take my pistol out of dis poke and blow yer heads clean off you. Git!" (lol. Good stuff!)
"The boys laughed and sped away." (Phew!)
"My uncles' wife has worked there since the war began. She lives in Bridge City not too far from the yards." (How cool is that?)
"She wondered if all sailors were this nice." (lol. Nope.)
"Thank you so much(space)... for being so kind to me."
"Goodbye, little girl." Tom and Bill joined in." (That was a very touching scene. Very well done, with top quality imagery.)
""I'm seventeen and I don' know what dat security thang you ask about," Marie replied." (Shit! Darn dem rules.)
"Marie turned and slowly left the office." (So sad.)
Fantastic work mate. The dialogue is beautiful, as is the imagery. I barracking for this girl!
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 11-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much, Fez, for reading my stuff. I enjoy your comments so much. They make me laugh.
Jo
Comment from cterp
Rating of Chapter 3 - The Homecoming
I must comment here because you have committed one of my pet peeves:
"One hour later Renee still waited anxiously for Evangeline to finish her bath."
I think you mean "eagerly." He was looking forward to it, wasn't he? He was going to be happy about it? Then he was eager. If he was going to be sad--or anxious--then he was anxiously waiting. Just a pet peeve.
Also, it's Orson Welles, not Wells.
Best,
chris
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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I must comment here because you have committed one of my pet peeves:
"One hour later Renee still waited anxiously for Evangeline to finish her bath."
I think you mean "eagerly." He was looking forward to it, wasn't he? He was going to be happy about it? Then he was eager. If he was going to be sad--or anxious--then he was anxiously waiting. Just a pet peeve.
Also, it's Orson Welles, not Wells.
Best,
chris
Comment Written 07-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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Thank you for correcting my spelling oops for Mr. Welles. I will correct immediately.
Websters Dictionary:
anxious-One of the definitions:waiting or eager to do or have something very much especially because of fear or nervousness.
Yes, he was eager to see his wife but I meant for the reader to also get a sense of nervousness in him. It had been a long time
since he had seen his wife and she was stalling in the bathroom. He was nervous because he wanted everything to be perfect.
I think just the word eagerly would have given the wrong message to the reader. Just my opinion. I'm sorry for your pet peeve :O) but really do appreciate your attention to detail of my words. Please keep your opinions coming...it really helps when I explain myself. :o)
Jo
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Only you know what was in his mind. If he was anxious, then he was anxious! And me and my pet peeve will just shut up and keep reading. As long as you keep writing!
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I'm smiling at your reply. I did not mean in any way to come off a smarty pants. :o) I am glad you read my work and made comments on how to improve. That is why I came to this site. Often the comments are good but suggestions on how to improve are not given. I appreciate a good reader with an eagle eye.
Jo
Comment from cterp
Rating of Chapter 2 - The Confession Part 1
I'm getting caught up on the opening chapters of your book, and it is certainly worth it. I understand much better who Marie is now, and will appreciate her much beeter as your novel proceeds.
chris
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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I'm getting caught up on the opening chapters of your book, and it is certainly worth it. I understand much better who Marie is now, and will appreciate her much beeter as your novel proceeds.
chris
Comment Written 07-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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Chris, I am so glad you are reading the other chapters. It really does help to know what has happened in the prior chapters.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Jo
Comment from cterp
Rating of Chapter 5 - Looking for Work
Oh no! Another book I have to catch up on! You have me hooked already. This chapter is quite interesting. Your main character, Marie, promises to be an interesting one, sure to get herself into messy predicaments.
chris
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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Oh no! Another book I have to catch up on! You have me hooked already. This chapter is quite interesting. Your main character, Marie, promises to be an interesting one, sure to get herself into messy predicaments.
chris
Comment Written 07-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Chris, I'm glad you are enjoying my chapters.
Jo
Comment from RiseRutland
Rating of Chapter 5 - Looking for Work
I absolutely love this! I typically only review poetry, but this story grabbed me from the beginning. Great use of the dialogue to convey the situation and the scene. I was instantly drawn to your character, Marie. Thank you so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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I absolutely love this! I typically only review poetry, but this story grabbed me from the beginning. Great use of the dialogue to convey the situation and the scene. I was instantly drawn to your character, Marie. Thank you so much for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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I am so glad you are enjoying my book. I'll be putting more on soon.
Jo
Comment from Hayley Solomon
Rating of Chapter 5 - Looking for Work
Very good read. Characters real, dialogue good, some irony,
dramatic tension. Just watch for repeated words in contagious sentences
and maybe use synonyms if you can.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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Very good read. Characters real, dialogue good, some irony,
dramatic tension. Just watch for repeated words in contagious sentences
and maybe use synonyms if you can.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Hayley, for reviewing my work and for the sound advice.
Jo
Comment from jusylee72
Rating of Chapter 7 - Chapter 7-Voodoo Curses
enjoyed every minute of this read. I don't believe in voodoo at least i don't want to but this has me interested and waiting to see what happens. Good Character development. I will keep following the story.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2016
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enjoyed every minute of this read. I don't believe in voodoo at least i don't want to but this has me interested and waiting to see what happens. Good Character development. I will keep following the story.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for your encouragement. Chapter 8 will be coming soon. I am glad you liked it. :O)
Jo
Comment from Leen1
Rating of Chapter 5 - Looking for Work
This is where I came in as I did not read any other chapters and believe me I am hooked already. I love your writing style as it gives the reader a clear view of the characters. The wording is right on point with the storyline. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2016
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This is where I came in as I did not read any other chapters and believe me I am hooked already. I love your writing style as it gives the reader a clear view of the characters. The wording is right on point with the storyline. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2016
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I am so glad you liked my chapter. If you get a chance read the other chapters. It will help you understand the story
a little better.
Jo
