Comment from G.B. Smith

Excellent

Hi there Bev
This is a wonderful 55 Words contest entry and I think it will do well. When I lived in Flagstaff Az. I got to know the Hopi very well (that's how i got the name white bear running)Best wishes in the contest
Bear

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

The Hopi are truly the keepers of the way, in my opinion. I think they have survived, and will continue to survive, because they still maintain such reverence for the natural world. What a tremendous honor for them to have given you that awesome name. I did use a modern male Hopi name for my character.

Thanks so much for the grand review!

Warmest regards, Bev

Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart

Excellent

Hopi...an Indian tribe I believe. You author's notes were very interesting. This is very well done and has a uniqueness to it. Good job. God loves you and I do too.

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

Thanks for your generous and supportive review, Evelyn. Warm regards, Bev

Comment from JW

Excellent

This is a very interesting and education scene. You did a great job in writing it.

Good luck in the contest and thanks for sharing this. JW

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

Thank you, Jonathon. I really appreciate the support and good luck wishes. I don't expect to win. I just enjoyed the challenge.

Warmest regards, Bev

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

You really create a mystical atmosphere with this. The "cave's black heart" and "rainbow circled moon" are great. You cast a spell in 55 words. It's hard to imagine the entire scenario with such brevity, but I see the starving man taken into the arms of the Spider Grandmother. It's as if he were drawn into the cave seeking answers from the paintings, but perhaps found them in death. judi

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

I love your interpretation, judi. Thank you so much for this awesome review! Hugs, Bev

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

Two readings:
He either went to the cave as a spiritual place to die and starved as many old ones did when they decided it as there time.

Or
He starved to the point of awareness of a parallel reality and entered it like in 'Stargate'.

Either way, it makes the reader's mind tick.

Best of luck in this contest. I think I'm the only one on site not entering it. LOL

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

I like both your theories, Ellen. Thanks for the great review and good luck wishes. :0) Bev

Comment from Karen Payton Holt

Excellent

Hi, Bev,
Great atmosphere. You build tension and the feeling that there are strange powers are at work.

night and day cleaved to one orbit. - sets the spine tingling scene.

Loved the cave's back heart;
The seeker's desperate cry echoed deep within the cave's black heart.
Good luck in the contest, this has a great chance of winning.

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

Thank you much, Karen. I've been away on vacation, so I'm just now getting to my reviews. I know I've missed a lot of your chapters, so before I review again I'm going to get up to speed.

Your words of support and generous review mean so much, my friend.

:0) Bev

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

You had my attention all the way
and I found it to be a interesting read.
I like how your words moved and how after the darkness he saw light ( his God)

Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

Thanks so much, misscookie. I've long been fascinated by ancient cave paitings, especially those that seem to indicate we were visited by beings traveling in strange disc-shaped craft.

I really appreciate you reading and support my write.

Blessings, Bev

reply by misscookie on 19-Mar-2013

Your very welcome.
Until next time.

Comment from Curtis Hatch

Excellent

Bev,

You tell quite a story with your fifty-five words. It is well-written and, the footnotes explain a lot of the metaphor. It is a good read.

Curtis

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

Thanks so much, Curtis. I enjoyed the challenge of writing this.

Take care,

Bev

Comment from AprilShower

Excellent

These very short stories always leave the reader with lots of questions. We know nothing of what or who Lansa is and since Lansa suffers from starvation, we can only guess Lansa died possibly in a cave. This shows us a little more than some of the other short stories.

I don't know if this is an easy write, but it is an easy story to read.

April

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

Hi, April. I really enjoy when a reviewer tells me something I've written leads to further imagining. Thanks for your great review and for sharing your insights. Hugs, Bev

reply by AprilShower on 19-Mar-2013

You're welcome, Bev. :o)

Comment from Rondeno

Excellent

I love it, Bev! It's prose, but its "feel" is poetic. Like me, you love to imagine those prehistoric artists, creating just like we are today. You have a strong historical imagination. Well done!

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013

Indeed, I do, Michael. I feel those paintings are clues to our distant, still mysterious, past. Thanks for the great review, my friend. Much appreciated! Hugs, Bev